J said - Heartache....

Random bits of songs and phrases drift through my head...

I KNOW why the caged bird sings

Love & Happiness....

Loving self canbe so hard...honesty can be demanding

Friends will et you down..friends won't be around...


It's strange.... sometimes I ache so bad that it brings tears to my eyes....not the fact that I haven't talked to him in a while..because I've gone without talking to him for a long time...but the fact that I CAN'T call him just to shoot the breeze...or email him a gossipy note...that hurts...

It's almost like a death...

Maybe this is his way of dying...

Suicide commited...but he still breathes...

Destroy all old connections...

Embrace an entirely new life...

Unencumbered by the relationships of the past.


It aches. I can't even see his NAME... first or last....without wondering..


Honestly...I don't even know if he is alive....


I miss him....as much as he hurts me...I miss him more and more every day. Things are going on in my life that I should be sharing with him...things that we were going to do together....


But he...he has commited emotional suicide...


I sound like such a dill wit...such a mush mouth...is it wrong/weak/uterly stupid of me to feel this way?

I think so...but I think not.



J.