J said - The Rules

I'm not sure how many of you have heard of them, as popular as they are, so I will explain.

The Rules are the fool proof-fail safe way to find, keep and get a man to marry you. (Kinda like the sophiscated modern way of getting knocked up and making the man marry you or get shot by your father)Written by two white(and yes..that does matter) women, they list the steps, and the rules that a woman should follow in order to snag her Mr. Right. They even have wonderful little website www.therulesbook.com. Okay...and the problem is?

The rules...somehow wierd me out.. they twist my insides and make me want to go and dip my head in cold water. When I read them it feels like a slow brainwashing...or more accurately a rapid mindfuck. Why you may ask?? Maybe it is because despite my delightfully single swinging life, I firmly believe in that good old fashioned stuff like love...and discovery...and intimacy..and communication..and dear god.. dare I say it...HONESTY.. And with the rules...well basically you are playing a game. You are dangling sex, your time, and your personality in front of him..refusing to give them to him until after (and oh YES! they have rules for married folx too), and not really giving yourself to him fully then, he gives you the "ring" *pauses to listen to the angels sing* . *shudders* The rules... they remind me of whores for some reason...perhaps it is the cold blooded planning of it...perhaps it is the out and out lying of it...perhaps it is the fact that the whole thing is based on 'men's biological NEED to chase women'... I'm not sure...but they makes me shudder anyway...



And then there is this other book...called the Sista's Rules...written by a black woman for black women. Most of the rules here are common sense...at least to me...they give YOU the control...and the power. They don't ask that you wait for him to ask you out...or call...yet they say not to spill you entire life story...be mysterious.. but not cold...be open..but not loose. And after reading the two books.. I began to wonder... is there really THAT much difference between the way black and white women are socialized...as well as black and white men.. so that while the Rules may work on (and for) one race...they totally fail for the other?


I hate never dated a white man...but I have dated black men...most of them think that if after three calls... or maybe two...you don't call them back...you are playing them (or not really interested) and they move on. Yet according to the Rules...this is the kind of activity that makes men want you even more.


*shrugs* I don't know....they make me feel slimy inside...like a slug has briskly whirled around inside my head...perhaps because they imply that men are too stupid to notice the Rules are being used on them, or perhaps because it takes me back to a older time when women played demure sweet and shy, just to nab themselves a 'catch' ahh well.


Or perhaps...my simple terror of EVER giving up control over my life, and over what I can say and think and over how I can act has so turned me off from the book because it is saying to be cold, icy, and distant.no matter what you REALLY want to do..because it is only your own stupidity talking...and a RULES girl (that is another that rubs me the wrong way.. why are they girls? the book is aimed at woman 25 and up..and dammit if anybody but my momma or my grandmomma calls me a GIRL after 25.. we will have to fight) doesn't allow base emotions to sway her from the path that the Rules has laid out.


Maybe one day.. when I get truly desperate.. and simply HAVE to have a man...I will turn to the Rules too...and dishonesty and game playing bedamned.


J.