J said - Love and Marriage.....

Yesterday one of my 'married' ex boyfriends came over to visit me. We actually ran into each other in the most innocent of ways... (we both had meetings to go to at school) annnyhowww... we hooked up after our meetings chilled and talked. I haven't had that much relaxed just cool CHILLIN fun in a while. Usually when I go out with a man there is that edge of sex in there somehow... but with him..sense he is married, there is nothing but an edge of flitation, which considering our history is to be expected.


But my friendship with him puts me in the dreaded postion of the X girlfriend. *shrugs* his wife doesn't like me...which I think says a hell of alot more about her than it does about me.. but anyhow... why I am rambling? oh yeah. I'm confused. Because of the type of woman that I am..and because of the type of relationships I find myself in.. I have never been one to worry about my sig other straying... my mentality was always.. if he WANTS to be with me he will stay... if he doesn't.. may he go in peace. I have never been the jealous/possesive type of woman. And I think that confuses people...hell it confuses me sometimes. I don't understand. Can anyone explain this to me? why... why do some people (men and women) believe that by preventing their sig other from seeing/talking to/meeting folx of the opposite sex.. that will magically insure that they stay with them forever?? if someone wants to leave they will... and trying to delay the process will only increase the final pain that htey will have to go through. so why bother?

Am I looking at this too logically? Have I somehow maganed to dissassociate my heart from my brain too much? or am I doing this right and every one else is delusional?


Well... anyhow... talking to him and them not getting enough sleep last night(I don't think it is possible for me to get ENOUGH sleep) and listening to some of the most lovey dovey love songs in the world today brought up this incredible yearning to be made love to. Or to make love. Not to have sex... to to screw.. but to make love... or to just kiss with love. that kiss that tells you OH MY GOD I am in love with this person.


I call it the soul kiss. You kiss and it's like magic.. it is more than passion .. more than lust... more than desire... it brings up and out of you something that makes you want to cry and kiss more...kiss as the tears of wonder and joy roll down your face.. kiss away the salt of your tears until they dry up.. kiss until the sun comes up and smiles on your love & joy...kiss until that person is your world...nothing exists beyond that kiss... nothing NEEDS to exist beyond that kiss...in that kiss you are whole...nothing can harm you...all is healed...all is forgiven.. a soul kiss. is that too much to ask for?


J.