J said - Space...Air...Life...Body

I feel like I am just occupying space.. that I'm doing nothing at all worthwhile with my life. And I suppose I feel that way because it is true, yet at the same time there is really nothing that I WANT to do. I think that i have hit one of those PMS moodswings... where I feel drained and tired and hopeless and empty. But still, what am I doing with myself? I'm not doing anything creative.. nothing constructive.. nothing useful at all. I'm living breathing and taking up space. I fel like a placeholder in someone else's life...and I wish I knew whose life it was.


I have so many grandiose plans of what I'm going to do with my life...and no plan of HOW to do it. *sighs* However said that your own worst enemy is yourself spoke more truth than they realize. I am the only one holding me back.. I am preventing myself from climbing that mountain...but I don't have the desire (or the mountain) to climb. I have no ambition.. *sighs* I'm quite sluggy...and I'm not sure if it is a phase.. or a period (in more ways than one) or a realization of what I am really all about. But I feel like a stage prop...2D and nearly unnoticable.


Anyhow....enough moaning and mooning about me. I have been reading alot of other folx diares in here and they really blow my mind. I mean these folx have LIVES!!!... yeah...so most of them are older than me...and most have more money than me...and most are freer than me...but still...they are doing things that I would never be able to do.. at least not in this life time.. *sad smile*


So.. what do I want to do you are asking? hmmm only three things really...

1) Start taking alot more pictures
2) Go to the gym at least three times a week...like I said I would in the first place.
3) Write more...more of anything...poetry...stories...junk..ANYTHING!!
4) Just do more. in generall this whole work home sleep eat work home sleep eat cycle is startng to drive me batty.. I feel my brains turning to mush as I speak/write


And I hate being tired alllllll the time.


Humph...


J.