J said - WHEEEEEEEEEEE! THUD!

While riding the roller coaster of life
a bird flew by

why
it enquired
was I leaping and pitching about
when I could fly?
I'm afraid
because the
ground
seems too far away.
The bird looked down
and promptly fell out of the sky.
as it hit it said..
Only those who ignore the danger
can experience the clouds.


Okay.. so I'm getting philosophical ideas from Looney Tunes...but in a way it is true...if you are always looking down at the ground.. your focus is no longer on flying..it is on staying away from the ground. I can always do beter when I focus on the postive aspects of whatI am doing... rather then the negative aspects of what me NOT doing what I'm doing would cause. So WHY do I insist on looking at the ground all the time?

It is almost an enouragement born of fear...if I DON'T work hard...I'll flunk out of school...instead of..if I DO work hard..I'll get a bomb job with my grades...If I DON'T send in this letter I won't get a scholarship ..instead of if I DO send in this letter I might get mad loot. Maybe it's because sometimes I don't really want to do it...so I bring in heaven and hell to encourage me...perhaps it is those last remnants of the religious society thatI have grown up in...throughly disregarded...but some of it seeps into your consiousness anyway...


Anyway...I have been re-reading some of my old writings..and old letters and old cards... (the best part about moving) and I have once again realized that all through my life I have been much loved...not always by the same person..and not always in the way I wanted to be loved. It's a shame that I have lost some of that love....but I suppose that is a part of growing up.

Anyhow...I miss writing some of that stuff. Like this one story that I read.. that is kinda...painful. I remember writing it...and I didn't think that is was so bad then..but as I re read it.. I realized that there wad alot of pain in it.. *shrugs* Not sure why..and why does work seem to get better the older it is??? Maybe because I don't really remember it, or the reasons behind my writing it...


Any way.....
Do you suppose
after the bird fell
it ever regained the courage
to fly again?

I will stay on my roller coaster
and let the supports hold me
until I can trust my wings.



J.