*pokes self*

I'm seriously getting fatter. My face is getting round, my pants are getting tight, my thighs are starting to thunder - and I've ONLY gained 5 pounds. Trust me though, for some twisted reason, it's looking more like 15.

I've GOTTA quit smoking. Seriously. I've told myself I'll quit once I lose the IUD, but hey - why wait right?

I want a boob job. Sometimes, I think I might not be so body crazy if I had 27yo boobs instead of the 49+ 3 kids with tandem nursing pair I've got now. I would like to not be flat chested without a bra, and a 38DDD with one. Ew.

Which leads me back to the whole 'I really need to quit smoking' as non-smokers heal SO much better than smokers. And have fewer post-surgical complications.

I also need to quit smoking so that I'll lose weight easier - nicotine blocks some kinda weightloss thingy, and if I lose weight, I might get a boob job covered by insurance due to the disproportionism.

Or of course, I could just win the lottery, collect a shitload of money, and get the boob job myself.

But then, it's almost June, (well, close enough) and my IUD is hitting it's fifth year and it needs to come out and I need - we need to decide what to do about that. Though, as much as I love little ones and know that I'd be a great mommy - I honestly don't think I have it in me to work two full time jobs, take care of myself, my husband, and my house. Hell, make that 2.5 full time jobs. So - if I have the option, I'd rather try to hold off doing both at the same time. But - money. Oh lord child, money. So broke am I.So very,very, very broke. So me quitting is just not. an. option.

So, for right now, getting nicely knocked up isn't going to happen in June. Which means that maybe I'll try to get a boob job in June, as I figure if they aren't going to be used, they might as well be purty.

Which means that I have to quit smoking in January. Mebbe that'll be my birfday present to myself.

Which, by the way, I'll be spending in Geneva. In January. *bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Which sucks, but eh. *shjrugs* it'll be my last trip there. And maybe my last trip out of the country for a while...well that's not true. I'll be traveling to Australia a good bit too, but not MOVING like I wanted to.

See - yet another reason to hold off on procreating - I'm traveling a HELL of a lot, and while they claim to be a very family friendly company, I don't think wearing my kid in a sling at work is going to go over well.

Well, maybe in Australia.

So. I've got FOUR reasons (utterly selfish ones mind you, that have nothing to dowith the well studied, investigated and proven dangers of smoking (which I don't need repeated to me thank you verymuch! sheesh!)) to quit.

1. Healthy Body, Healthy Baby (hopefully at some point in time)


2. Healthy Body, Prettier Boobies!


3. Healthy Body, and less thereof.


4. Healthy Body, fatter pockets (these bitches ain't cheap)

And it's odd - cuz I 'stop' for a week or two, then buy another pack that I blow through in an outrageously short period of time *shrugs* I need a good enough reason (in my head) to really quit, and - well, quite sadly enough, my long term health isn't it (maybe because I see myself only smoking for a short term?) anyhow. Yeah.

Bleh. Fatter I tell you! It's sooo weird - I was getting SMALLER without losing weight, now I'm getting BIGGER without gaining any. I mean - what, is my body eating the muscle and storing it as fat?  I keep trying to tell myself it's a bit of pre-period bloat on top of those fivepounds - but I can't look myself in the face and say that cuz my face is all big & round shaped. Look like I got a damn moon face. Maybe it's water retention? a lil too much salt? HAH! I've made it though my nine months of ignoring my body, and it's about time for me to start paying her somemore attention.

And I'm SO farking tired. My god. I could just curl up and GO. TO. SLEEP. I seriously almost fell asleep at my desk- and I got a solid seven hours of sleep last night.

hmm... maybe it is water retention, cuz my feet or swollen and throbby. And I love these shoes, so it ain't them.

Gah!