Actually.....

I think that I am just getting more and more frustrated with people in general on a daily basis. I've noticed myself using 'HUMANS!' as an expletive more and more lately.  It honestly feels like there is a huge gaping chasm between my thought process and the thought processes of 95% of the people around me. For example - a few days ago a coworker and I somehow got on the subject of  her sons' (16 or so) schoolwork. She was 'complaining' about how hard his work books were (he goes to a Christian school that uses homeschooling books as take home workborks) because they - horrors of horrors - expected you to READ three paragraphs, UNDERSTAND them, and then answer a fill in the blanks question - and it WASN'T in the form of a sentence that could be found in the preceeding paragraphs - you actually had to understand the concept that the chapter is teaching in order to get the question right. *gasp!* *horror*

And - I just sat there and looked at her, thinking - you mean, you're complaining because the school and  workbook actually wants your son to LEARN something, and NOT just regurgitate a sentence that he just read??? And - how - I mean - how do you even talk about something like that - when - obviously - I mean - she doesn't even see it like that? *shakes head* baffling.

Did I ever mention the Pagan Pride Festival I went to? I can't remember if I did or not - it was - okay. *thinks* It feels so - horridly elitist - to say that they mostly weren't my kind of folks...I mean - oh hell, I don't know. I want to make friends so damn badly, but - I - *sigh* I don't know. I'm becoming more and more grounded and stable and happy with MYSELF as a person - and anytime I feel like I shouldn't be/can't be fully who I am - it makes me uncomfy. And - if someone - even on first meeting - seems to have - difficulties there - gah - I'm not interested. And even more so - if - gah! I feel so snobby but - I'm not! I've got no problem interacting with people, talking to them, no matter what kind of foolishness they may be spouting - it's just that once I walk away, I file it under an interesting human to human interaction, and I move along. It really *laugh* takes a special person for me to really be interested in making them into a friend.

That's one of the reasons I love OD so much. It's allowed me to meet people who - think - like I do. The dirty little thoughts and concepts and grime that make us - interesting and not pap filled consumers.

But really, I was talking about the Pagan Pride Festival because they were giving a 'psychic ability' test. Pretty simple tests - one for clarvoyance and another for telepathy. For clarvoyance, you had to 'see' the card before she turned it over. For telepathy she looked at the card, then tried to 'send' me an image. Clarvoyance, I got 5 out of 25 right. Telepathy, I got 20 out of 25 right. *grins* creepy, right? As much as I would LOVE to have some sort of ESP - I think it's just caused by years and years of being a wallflower. *laugh* When you are leaning on the walls, watching others interact - you - learn powers of observation. Even now, I LOVE watching people interact with each other - the facial expressions, the body language, the shifting eyes, the tapping feet - it's really - amazing how much we communicate without words.

Which, almost makes it more odd that I have made more CLOSE friends online than I ever have in the real world - and for all of the people I've met online and thought that I would be able to get along with - we have clicked AMAZINGLY in real life. It's been a serisouly winning streak - and I don't know why. are we more honest with ourselves and each other online because we can't see the telltales that indicate approval or disapproval of who we are? Or does the eletronic connection allow us a sense of 'distance' and a facade that allows us to totally let down our hair under it?

I'm not going anywhere with this - in fact, I don't even know where I was trying to go. I'm just writing at this point. It's amazing how leaving this place for a month almost guarantees that I'll be writing like a mad woman once I get back.