Things....

Things that I like about not smoking....
1) I can hear better...
2) I can smell better...
3) I don't think about where I can do and who I can go with that doesn't mind smoking...
4) My clothes, hair, breath, car, and house smell better...
5) I don't get the early morning hackfest.

Things I don't like about not smoking...
1) I miss going outside 5-6 times a day while at work...
2) My appetite is back... 
3) I miss the feeling of smoke roooolllliiinnnnggg off mah tongue.

Clearly, the positives out number the negatives......it's officially been 6 weeks not smoking, and honestly - I don't have much to complain about. It's actually been a MUCH easier path than I expected it to be - and I'm still 'realizing' habits I had formed while smoking that I didn't even realize were rooted in smoking. It's - cool, kinda. It's just the appetite thing that is screwing with me. I realized a few days ago, that half the time, when I got hungry - I would 'interpet' it as a craving for a cig, and light up. Of course, that suppressed my appetite for a second, but then it would come back......and I'd light another one. Humph. It's - interesting - actually WANTING to eat again, and rather frustrating too. I - I don't want to have to eat. *sigh* I honestly wish sometimes (my waxing rapturously over bread notwithstanding) that food was - an option. Like - wine. I mean - I enjoy wine - throughly - and I like drinking it - but, it's an option. I don't HAVE to drink it - I drink it because I want to...and I wish food was like that too. Where it would be MY choice whether to eat or not (and without the nasty health related side effects of starvation) - and if I didn't want to eat, I wouldn't be prodded by my biology to eat SOMETHING. And no, I'm not even tripping any where NEAR bulimia/anorexia - it's just - interesting - realizing that I tend to NOT want to eat.
And how amazingly rich am I - to be able to even make such a statement when most of the world is begging to be able to eat anytime they so damn well please.
Gah.
I wonder if my years of fasting as a younger person has anything to do with it?? *sigh* Exercising or not (and I still lurve mah pooltime) I - I think that I need to change my eating habits. I can't remember if I mentioned it here before, but I figured out why I'm fat - me personally. I don't have to work for my food...I mean yeah, I have a job and all that provides the money to buy food - but I don't have to actually exert ANY energy into the process of actually obtaining/preparing my food. Making bread has reminded me of that fact - I love bread - and one of the things that I'm considering in my change is to work for my food. For example - if I eat bread, it's gotta be bread I've baked. If I want sweets, I've got to make them. Lunches should always be something brought from home. Drinks should be iced tea. In other words - I'm thinking that I should be making everything - or mostly everything that I eat. I'm not going to start churning butter, or making cheese - though I might start making yogurt - but I honestly don't eat enough to really make it worthwhile. I don't know - I know that I need to start doing SOMETHING different. And it goes way beyond a 'diet' - it's - almost a shift in how I view food.

*shakes head* I haven't processed long enough to think about it. *laughs*

That's something I've noticed about me - I have to NOT think about stuff for a while before I can actually think about it - it needs time to percolate in my subconsious before I'm ready to deal with it consiously.