Still Motion

I don’t know how aggressive to be in my life. I don’t know where I should draw the line in my work, social or love life. Where is the point when it is no longer ‘being nice’ and ‘getting along’ and turns into me being a silent doormat? I have hard time drawing limits in my life, because I don’t want my intentions to be perceived wrong, and silence can be perceived as so many things to different people. *sigh* Sense? No… okay.. two situations:
1) work. I am going CRAZY…. And I am really unsure of how aggressive I can be. I am learning, slowly slowly slowly, but I KNOW that my skills and my intelligence are not being used or taxed to their fullest. Is it appropriate for me to just roll to my boss and basically say: Hey! I’m bored shitless. Either give me something to do or let me go somewhere else. *sighs*
2) Chef. I know that his job makes him keep some odd ass hours, but…a call every once in a while during his ‘morning’ isn’t really too much to ask is it? I don’t want to be the one forever calling up ‘just to see what’s up’. I don’t want to start making correlation’s and assumptions, but occasionally I feel like my middle name should be ‘Best Western – We keep the light burning for you’ and he calls me to make a reservation. UGH. Why do I always feel like I am being used.. whether it is true or not?

Then… Oh m’godness, I love my momma to death but sometimes I just wanna… SCREAM! I so understand that JJ & MJ song now.

And then… I don’t know how to talk. I know that I am blunt, and when it comes all up to my feelings I am sensitive as FUCK….but UGH!

The general aura of evverything I do is a state of limbo’d confusion. I don’t know what to do or when to do it or how to do it and so I sit in one place and rock and mutter to myself. ARRGGHHH… I am so tired of being still but I am scared to move in any direction because it might be the wrong one, but I know that not moving at all is most definitely the wrong thing to do so I bounce back and forth between manic activity that leads me in circles and a frozen deer-in-the-headlights kind of stillness. AHHHHH!

*deep breath* Maybe yoga?

Stay Jazzed.