Changes

I have always acknowledged myself to be an impatient person…it’s just part of who I am. I like to be always doing SOMETHING… even if what I am doing is totally mental, and waiting on other people to do something has always driven me crazy.
Lately though, I have been trying to just consciously wait. To be still for a bit, to let things flow and to let time carry me towards what ever it is I am waiting for. It’s a lot less stressful, and a lot more peaceful...but it’s hard at the same time.
It feels rather forced and false, as if I am trying to force my self into some sort of shell that in no way resembles who I am…but instead resembles who I would like to be. I never thought that it would be hard to change…at least not once the decision had truly been made. Yet I am having a hard time changing one little mannerism of myself, for brief periods of time. What sort of emotional upheaval comes from trying to remake your entire self for the rest of your life??

Stay Jazzed.