Soooooooooooo..............

Synthetic hormones are the devils work. Seriously, ya'll.

Okay - what else? As yes - I knew I forgot to mention something in my last entry - but really, it deserves an entry of its own.

When I was coming back from an event of Tuesday, I drove past a sign at a psychics that talked about Chakra Balancing...and it started a train of thought in my head. I've almost always felt like I was - repressed isn't quite the right word - I've always felt that I wasn't living up to my full potential - laregly due to fear of - everything. And this isn't the phobia kind of fear, it's not the anxiety attack kind of fear - it's a deep rooted doubt that anything could ever possbily turn out right. *sigh* I'm still not explaining it well - but my fear has held me back from SO much - esp. the low level fear that warps my desires into - nothingness, really. So - back to the chakras.

I took a silly (or profound) little test that tells you if your Chakras are inbalanced. Rather unsuprisingly, my 'root' chakras are....off kilter. The lower two - the Root (which channels the energy to not fear, and to feel that you own your space) and the Sacral (which channels the energy to feel) are both very underactive. I paused, because I wondered/wonder if my abortion may have had anything to do with that. My upper Chakras however (the less physical ones) are working jsut fine - too fine, almost. So - that led me down the path of trying to find an energy worker in Memphis, and then that led me to the local NeoPagan group.

All of a sudden, I feel like I'm moving - I feel like - DOING stuff. I feel - lighter, almost - the way that I tend to feel when I've solved a problem - or at least know what the problem is. I've always been vaugely pagan, but have never really figured out what my true path is. I've always felt SOMETHING holding me back - it just never - felt quite right, and since I'm expecting the feeling of RIGHTNESS to greet me when I finally stumble across my path, I've let it slide. So - I'm going to start exploring my pagan side again....and try to find an energy worker (or at least a good accupuncturist) and funnily enough, as I was going through the groups notifications - they are offering an intro to Tantra class on Sunday. *blinks* It's - amazing really - how much better I feel once I'm moving again - even if it's only mentally.

I think that - well....hell... I'm not sure how to fully express this - but I feel like....I should REALLY heal myself. Fully, not focusing on just one area of - weakness, but holistically. And hell, I'm granola enough for it work. :)