I never could color in the lines....

It’s odd how the further I seem to get into the norm of the world ( a corporate job, an expensive apartment, ONE man rather than an assortment of people *grins* ) the further out I want to pull myself.

I have always been a little different, a little out of step with the rest of the world. And as things occur in my life that bring me towards a state that I am more in step, I start to madly hunt for something that will shift me back, something that insures that I keep that gap between who I am and what the norm is. Towards that end, not too long ago (almost a year…) I got my tongue pierced. I had a very logical reason for it, in that I wanted a reminder of the fact that everything that comes out of my mouth has power to alter and change others, and that I should be cautious with that power.

So, now I am about to start a new job, in a new city, and I will most certainly have to take out the tongue ring (the step towards conformity). So, I have been searching for something that will allow me to remain … jazzy. So. I have decided on two things… more really, but it boils down to two things. I want to be trained to be a bartender, and I want to get a tattoo. Now, the bartending thing is a two-fold kind of thing. I know that I have a tough time finding things to do outside of my house. That if left alone I will stay in the house and molder, just kind of plug myself into the internet and deal with people through this medium rather than in real life.

I want to change that about me, and I figured that working somewhere where people are…well there. Constantly, and a lot of them. Almost like being a bus driver, you learn a lot about people by watching them in their settings. Yes I know, I am still being anthropological about it, but that is how I best function. The second reason is that I need money. Not badly no, because I will be getting a nice little paycheck. But for one thing we only get paid once a month (which sucks) and two, I really really really want to pay off all off my bills & start a fuck-ya fund by 2002. The fuck-ya fund will just be a savings account of money, that I don’t touch unless I come to a point in my employment that I just have to say to the world in general ‘Fuck ya’, and know that I will be able to live long enough to find another job & another place to live if need be.

The tattoo on the other hand, is a much more personal thing. My online name (my inner name as I call it sometimes) means New Woman. And in that meaning it also has the meaning that this new woman is constantly growing and creating herself, changing into herself and out of herself all at the same time. I have wanted to turn this in to a tattoo for a good while, but I could not figure out how to represent all that into something beautiful that I am willing to have placed on my skin for all eternity. I have been considering using Kanji, which is Japanese script, but… I am not sure. I know where I want it, and I know that I would like to lose some weight before I get it put there. : ) It is not a matter of me looking at it, it is a matter of me being willing and able to display it, and where I want it…umm a few changes will have to be made first.


I want to stay a little outside of the printed lines that define most people. I always want to be more than a little different, more than a little odd. Is it too unnatural for me to consciously shape myself into something different, or is it simply a matter of taking control and doing things for my life that I want to be doing?

Stay Jazzed.