Private Dancer & Other Thoughts

Talk about a complete turn-around, a total reverse of ideas & thoughts. I remember that when I started this diary, I said that one of my goals, something that I wanted to do just once in life, was to be a stripper.

Last night I went to a strip club, and shall we just say that from THAT experience alone, yeech. I would never want to be one, for a myriad of reasons. However, I was told that the club we went to was a bit more low class *umhm* than many other clubs, and that the…mood I was looking for might be present in those. It’s odd, I never imagined how little strip clubs really have to do with sex. Or maybe not sex but desire. The women who worked there looked bored, like this was really of totally no interest to them. Most of the guys there looked weeded out and/or drunk, and stared at the women dancing as if they were blurry images on a TV and not flesh & blood people who were trying to arouse them. I mean that IS part of the purpose of a strip club right? To arouse, titillate and excite the patrons who visit…right? *grins* A nypmhpomanic would have ended up bored in THAT spot. But once again, maybe it was just that club. ;) Hmm, maybe I will go club-trolling one of these days and see what is really going on.

What else is going on in me life? Hmm… the apartment thing is cool, we are still working on getting all of the paperwork together for that. Me & mi papi are cool…odd and amazing and loving… but cool all the same. Classes are going okay, I checked the paperwork from Lilly and among the requirements there was nothing listed about having to have a degree. So it looks like I will be in school for a little bit longer, but I won’t have to worry about not having a job. (See Kelly, the chant works!) The only thing I am worried about now is having enough money to be able to pay all of the start-up bills that I will have to deal with when I get to Indy.

My Lilly money is just about gone, (tho I will get a bit back) and I am not sure how much my job will help a sista out, since I have to live off of that money from now on. *deep breath* hmmm that kind of segues me onto another topic that I want to mention rather quickly…not really talk about at this point, but mention.

My father has not acknowledged his graduation announcement. Maybe he didn’t get one, maybe his wife tore it up. But one of my mothers closest friends from college is married to one of his closest friends, and I am sure he would have found out that way. It’s odd, because I have never asked much of my father, never WANTED much from him. Why should I? But at the same time, it kinda hurts in an odd & twisted way that he could not take the time to acknowledge that his oldest child was graduating. I don’t know. *sighs* And of course the low level resentment I have around this time of year is simmering up to, so that really isn’t helping the issue. I’m not even going to pretend to be all big & noble and say that I would not appreciate a monetary response…I am not even going to PRETEND that is the case. But… I don’t know.. it seems that it might have been kinda nice just for him to say…go’head girl….witcha badass self. ugh.

But anyway…. I love my momma enough to make up for his loss five hundred times over.
I need to go and play with my hair. I colored it & put a ‘texturizer’ (baby perm) in it a while ago (Tuesday?) and I love the way it looks and acts…but it is simply DYING to be moisturized. so… love.. peace… & hair grease…

Stay Jazzed.