The Dash Between

So - I think I have enough brainpower now to talk about DotM.... where to start??

I was invited initially by two women that I know in Memphis, but once madrun said that she was going to DotM, I knew that I had to go.

So, I packed, prepped, and was heading out to the park by 6:30pm on Friday.

Honestly, I didn't have manypreconcieved concepts of what it would be like. I figured there would be talk of men, and sex, and babies, and birth (the conversations that no matter what ELSE is going on, manage to come up when a group of straight/bi women get together) and I knew there would be some rituals (because they told us to bring robes) but - I really wasn't sure what would be happening. Being the blooming Kemetic that I am, and knowing that most of these women were most likely Eclectic Wiccans, I wasn't sure how - smoothly I would be able to fit into things.  And then, considering my general ignorance of the path that I have choosen, I was - bashful, going in, to say the least. 

I get there, and literally, within minutes, my bashfullness is dispelled. The one thing that bugged me at the start, and bugged me all weekened, is that I have - I honestly don't really have a good feel for a lot of interpersonal interactions. I tend to go off and do my own thing - and I don't know if people read that as snobbish and standoffish, or if they view it as downright rude - and usually, that's the sort of question that if you ask, you'll get the same answer no matter HOW they feel. So - large groups of people - I tend to either connect myself with one group (and then feel guilty when I leave that group to particpate in other things) or I drift on the outskirts of everything. Anyhow - that niggling concern tagged along with me all weekend, but in general, I tried to ignore it  and think that I was in a group of adult women, and hopefully, if anyone had concerns about my actions, they would speak on them.

Anyhow!! The festival itself. It started out with the opening cermony, and I was reminded once again that my 'twang' is music/sound. I used to say that dancing in a club was the closest I could ever get to God - simply because dancing is really the only time my spirit is TOTALLY free  - and I can actually lose myself in music.  So - the opening ceremony consisted of us singing the DotM Theme Song, and exchanging our greeting gifts. I got this cool little change purse, and a rather - interesting - jack o' latern candle.

Afterwards - gah, I don't think there was anything really 'planned' for the rest of the night. I got myself throughly distracted repeatedly by getting into different conversations, and meeting people - it was REALLY fun to meet everyone.  Around 10, I got worried about the Nashvillians, and called them to find that they were in the wilds of MS somewhere - the reception in the park was horrid though, so we got disconnected quickly.

Gah...... what next?? More talking, the Nashvillians show up, everyone unpacks, I meet E...... it's interesting really, how the 'unplanned' times just blur into - a medley of cigarettes, laughter and talking.  Ah!! I remember the Bardic Circle, and my closing prayer - as people went around the circle, I thought about which netjer would be most appropiate to honor for the gift of creativity and prose. I was thinking Ptah, but BESIDES not knowing how to pronounce his name, I also wasn't totally sure it was accurate. I finally went with Ma'at, and thanked her for the balance - allowing us to create (the songs, the music, the vibe) while we witnessed destruction (the huge fire that had been consuming wood for most of the circle). It was certainly pulled from the ether, but it felt - RIGHT.

Saturday, I wake up at some ungodly hour (9 or so, I think?) snag a little breakfast, and go to the first workshop.  The theme of the day was Humours, and therefore the first thing that we did was to take a personality profile test and see which humour we were . I was mostly Melancholy,  with a dash of Phelegmatic.  After that, we had lunch, I think..... and after that, the first meditation.

Okay - I have to admit, I have a REALLLLLLLLY hard time with meditations - esp. guided ones. I have a VERY hard time making my brain shut up as it is, and hearing an unfamilliar voice REALLLY doesn't make it easier - esp when they 'walk' fast.  So - for the two 'guided meditations/journeys' (and I couldn't tell the difference between either) I tried to get into it, but between focusing on her words so hard that I didn't 'visualize anything' or visualizing so much that I lost track of her words and went wandering off in the forest, or moving faster than her and having to backtrack when she went a different direction, or making throughly irreverent comments in my head about the descriptions or directions we were being led - well, I honestly don't know that I got much out of them.  They were a definite challenge - I think if I had more time to ground myself, I would have been able to 'lose' myself in the meditation.

After that was naptime - where I TRIED to be nice, and instead screwed things totally up. Gah. I swear I didn't hear her say 'Malboro Lights'! I would have remembered that - I think. It's odd - I was perfectly sober, but even then my brain was doing weird things.

Ummm.... then... the Blood Mysteries workshop I think?? Hey - when it comes to talking about menses with women who don't get squeamish (despite the constant moaning from behind me about how menses was so 'gross and inconvienent and smelly and EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW'  *sighs* ) I can have FUN! So - me and the Nashvillians TOTALLY took that one over - but honestly, I think that without us speaking out, it would have been a much less enjoyable and inspiring workshop.

After that - was another guided mediation - which was if possible, even worse than the first one for me. Some of the thing my brain was tossing out there made me either want to burst into laughter, or made me want to slap MYSELF on the wrist for being so naughty.  *shakes head*  And - if you are guiding on a symbolic journey, I thin kthat I would be able to focus MORE if I knew what the symbols MEANT. So.

Now - after that was the high point (to me) of the whole festival - the guedra (gay-dra). It was a Tureg dance/trance ritual (I've mentioned how dance &  sound 'tweaks' me, right??) and funnily enough, it wasn't even PART of  DotM originially, the Nashvillians were the experienced ones, and taught it to the rest of us.
It was - amazing. I'm generally NOT the biggest  'energy moving/spirit sensing/ open aura' kind of person - but that - it MOVED me.  And after witchatwork (who's LJ I can't get to at work, because it's flagged as porn somehow????) danced/tranced it was - I literally HAD to do. I could feel the energy vibrating up and down my back. I was swaying and sighing and - it felt - scary. Very very scary, yet freeing all at once. It was most likely another HOUR or so before I danced, and by that time, I was so full of 'juice' that I was barely able to greet the four directions before I nearly collapsed onto my knees. I remember feeling the sarong I had put on starting to slip off (and I'm rather modest - totally not the type to go naked in group settings) and I DIDN'T CARE. I finished sooner than I wanted to, honestly - I think the chant changed before I was really ready for it - but it was WONDERFUL.
And the thing that really blew my mind was how I felt AFTERWARDS.  I was EXHAUSTED. I mean - I was so drained, I was limp. I managed to hang out for another hour or so, and then once I lost the beat three times in a row, I had to leave.
I still managed to stay awake until 5am, but - at least that was just talk.  As much as ANY conversation that went on that weekend could be considered 'just' talk. When I went to sleep, I was hoping for dreams of some sort - but instead I just had these - amazing patterns of color that danced behind my eyes until I fell asleep.

Sunday, I woke up, and I was dragging. I mean, my ass was so close to the floor it was damn near a miracle that I was able to walk at all.... Breakfast was to be had, goodbyes to be said, and the closing ritual to be had.
As SOON as the closing rit started, and we started singing, I could literally FEEL the energy rushing out of me and into the ground. It was goosebump provoking. And once it was done - I actually had MORE pep and MORE energy. I guess having excess energy trapped in you is just as drag provoking as plain not having enough energy. Thakfully, I hadn't even started loading the car yet because I couldn't IMAGINE doing it feeling how I felt BEFORE the closing ritual. I loaded the car, said my goodbyes repeatedly, and made my way home.
Overall? I enjoyed the heck out of it. I'm glad that I went to all the rituals, if only for no other reason than I could get a 'feel' for things.  I've been invited to PUF (which is the weekend we close) and Beltaine (which is a weekend or two afterwards) and - I REALLLY want to go to PUF, but I suspect that I won't be able to, and I think that I most likely WILL be able to go to Beltaine, but I'm not sure how much I WANT to.  *sigh* Isn't that life?

So - I'm definitely going to be doing some more reading, and more studying - at the very least, I need to research (in the next week) an at least PARTIALLY authentic Kemetic housecleansing ritual.

Shee.