Cuz I'm a LION... yeah!

Oh… this love-hate cycle with me and my job is just ridiculous. One week I’m in looovvveee…. Busy, productive and everything, and the next week I’m pulling out my heart and just impatient to get the HELL outta here. Regretfully… this is a clearly hate week. Or maybe I’m just too damn tired to feel like it is anything other than a hate week. I have been sleeping like the DEAD for the past few days…I’m talking about out like a LIGHT. I get home, manage to stay awake for a few hours, and then by 8ish I’m out… and I don’t wake back up until around 6:00…or 5:30. I don’t know what’s going on…maybe I’m about to get my period. Yeah right….

I’m being a major punk in putting off calling my doctor to see what the results of my biopsy were. I look at it this way: If he called me to tell me that I had a UTI… he would for sure as hell call me and tell me that I had cancer or HPV right?? But on the same token, if I ‘don’t’ have either one of those things, why am I being a punk and not calling him? I have no clue… just my gut level cowardice showing it self. I’m almost over my cold, down to blowing my nose a mere 12 times a day rather than the unbelievable previous high of 53. And I am done taking the antibiotics for the above mentioned UTI. So… I guess all in all, I’m getting better. Huh.

I’m vaguely sticking my nose into writing again. C.W. wrote a long series of diary entries about the writing process, and even though she made it sound about as fun and getting your teeth pulled without the benefit of novocaine, it sparked me (again). So… I have been poking around in various sites, and I have pulled out my synopsis’ of the book(s) I would like to write, and I am trying to figure out if I will be able to break through this miasma of exhaustion and actually get something done. I bought a book off of ebay that might help….speaking of which…

I’m hooked on ebay. In the past few or so days I have won at least 4 auctions, and I am consistently browsing it, hunting for more goodies. Really.. it’s sad, though I did manage to get a perfectly lovely bra. I hope it fits better than the demons of wire and cloth I have been wearing. I am spending money that I really DON’T need to be spending. Because of the extra money I had, and the fact that I paid low on my bills this month, I have enough money.. but still… I have a lot of time to go before I get paid again. Well.. only two weeks, but I am going to Atlanta during that time, and who KNOWS what kind of trouble I will get into while I’m there. I really do miss that city.

Cheffy actually has a day off during the weekend. He has Saturday off, and I am considering spending it at his house. Even though his house is no where near as comfortable as mine, still… it’s just the thought. I have decided not to give him money for his furniture. Why? Mainly because, well… I just don’t see him making an effort on his own to get it. I know that a lot of people don’t work with their money the way I do, but I know when I want something that costs more than I have at one time. I put money away slowly but surely. I conserve and try to trim the extras if I am really in a rush to get it. He has been interested in/trying to get this furniture since November at the latest, and possibly before then. He hasn’t put it on lay-away, hasn’t started saving or making payments on it of any type, but he would like me to pony up half the money. Urgh. Nope… not gonna happen, at least not until I see him making more of an effort to get it. I am not going to start another bad habit with him when it comes to money. The whole food thing is bad enough, I’m not going to start up with anything else.

My mom keeping asking me if he is ‘The One’, and each time she asks me I honestly have to tell her that I ain’t sure. As we approach the 9 month mark, I will be able to tell better. Around nine months is the time that most of my other relationships start to crumble, so if we pass that mark smoothly, then that will be a sign to me. If not, I KNOW that I have enjoyed every minute of this relationship, and it was well worth taking the time to try him out. But…. Deep deep deeeeeep in my heart, I am hoping that he is “that one”. It would be so lovely…

I think I will go off and find some more surveys. Contrary to everything that Desert Rein says… I am NOT addicted. I just like to do them when I’m really bored. I have an odd hope that somehow it will reveal the inner essence of me. Yeah… anyway.

Stay Jazzed.