5:14

My temp dropped this morning, and I've had an achy sense in my lower abodmen - at this point, I'm all - if I'm gonna GET my period, come the hell on already, so I can get another one started!

So, yeah. But I'm - interestingly enough, I've become more relaxed over the last few days.

C & I had a funny conversation a few night ago about getting pregnant. And I said - I'm ready, cuz well - I am. But at the same time, I'm so NOT ready. Hello? Baby? Small person that totally depends on me? Totally? TOTALLY? AHHHHHHhhhhhHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Urm. Yeah. So.

So.... *sigh* I feel so much more relaxed - so much more - whooo! Missed the bullet this time!

And really, May IS a much better month - if I concieve in May - I think that maternity leave (paid) will actually cover us til vesting, and then I can just quit, rather than fucking around with the unpaid leave - I mean really, that's just toying with IP at that point.

*grin*

So.

 

Ah!

 

I had a dream last night/this morning. About a baby, and breastfeeding. She was hanging onto a towel bar in the bathroom (http://www.cerebromente.org.br/n09/fastfacts/comportold_i.htm) and she started crying - so I whipped out a boob, and in mid cry, shoved what seemed like 80% into her mouth. She gagged for a second, then stopped crying with this - suprised/expentant look on her face, and then she started sucking. And - it felt - different. It finally clicked that usually, when there is sexual breast play going on, the nipple is the main focus - but in breastfeeding - the nipple is just PART of the whole - and the most force ISN'T on the nipple, but is on the aerola. So. Anyhow, in the dream, I had NO milk - dry as a bone, and she stopped - and the dream changed/ended/I woke up - that was it.

But I felt giddy - like thanks brain! I'm role playing motherhood in my sleep. God. Obsessed much??

And I'm EVER so much more aware of what's going on in my yoni than I've even been - and *shhh* it makes me hornier. I'm not thinking about sex persay - but I'm much more tuned in.

This - this is going to be - interesting, to say the very least.

And - I've decided that I'm going to wait until AFTER my period should have started to test before I actually test - I mean - I KNEW that I should have done that this time, but I gave in to pressure, and tested (and tested, and tested - I think I've taken 4 or 5 tests at this point) - and why? Waiting would tell me the same thing, and tell it even clearer - so why not wait?

Besides. I like the idea of just - listening. Watching. Waitng. Letting nature - and life - flow.

And speaking of flow - I swear - my uterus is slowly peeling it's insides downwards, and flushing me out right now - I feel it, and it feels right.

Okay!

So - I don't need B6 - my luteal phase is QUITE long enough, thank you very much. I'm going to keep taking the EPO (for good CM - even though I didn't see any this time around), and the Vitex - hrm. I don't know. I'll have to think about that one.

I'm also going to start working out again - Monday, in fact. I'm going to copy the final workout plan that I got from Dexter, and use that one as a long term plan.... alternating three to four days I week I think. I think that my cycles were shorter when I worked out as well - so that might do more for me than the supplements would.

*grins* Here we come MayDay - ooohweee, I need to find a spell for a girlchild.

5:41

5:46

And just - eta - because I don't know if I've ever stated this before - but deep in my heart - I think that I will throw only girls. I'll be - thrilled and suprised to give birth to a boy. I don't know WHY I think that - but - I'm just - calmy certain that my babies will be daughters.

5:47