I go to the doctors tomorrow. Both of them (my GYN and my PCP). For my sake, I hope he (both dudes…yeech) turns up something in the blood work or the tests that explains what the hell is wrong with me. I think I know, and if it is the case *crosses fingers* (who WISHES to be diagnosed with a life-long illness??) I will be so relived and happy. I have not been my usual self (health wise) since I have been here (in Indy). I have been sick three times, and I never ever get sick. I am so so tired, which makes no sense considering I am getting more sleep, and more rest in general than ever. I can’t remember shit, and I HURT. I feel like a big ole menstrual cramp has taken over my entire body. There are spots of me that ache that I didn’t know COULD hurt. Like the bottom of my feet, or my wrists, or the backs of my thighs. And mercy KNOWS I’m not exercising enough to get muscle aches like this. I get flash headaches that make me dizzy they hurt so much, but only last about 2 minutes and no matter how much water I drink and how much lotion I slather on, my skin still looks like who did what and why after about 2 hours. I’ve gained almost 40 pounds in the last 4 months, but I haven’t had shit for an appetite. Oh…and I am getting MOLES. They just pop up out of no where. Got two on my face, about three or four on my hands, and god knows how many more in other places. My eyes are dry and arrrrghhhhhhhhhhh…. *deep breath* In other words, physically, I feel like S-H-I-T.
For so one who generally has been healthy as a horse, this is driving my crazy. After the Period Fiasco of the past couple of months, I went online and poked around to see what could be wrong with me. Sometimes I think that the amount of knowledge available at your fingertips on the web is really really scary. After running through my symptoms and stuff, I think I might be hypothyroidic. It would explain a hell of a lot…why I’m always tired, always cold, gaining weight, and most, if not all of the other stuff I was bitching about being wrong with me, including getting sick easier. Anyhow… the downside to it is that if so, I would have to take a hormone replacement (yeech) for the rest of my natural given life… but the upside is that I might feel like a real human being again. If not… *sighs* I’m going to feel like the biggest hypochondriac there is. I think I have always had mild hypochondriac tendencies, but…usually they are just pregnancy paranoia.
*sighs* Okay… I had to get all that out. Physically I still feel like shit, but at least I feel a little better mentally. I have no problem going to the doctor, but I Have issues about talking about being sick. I think that is one part of the whole “Strong Black Woman” thing I have absorbed, that you should never be sick, never be ill, never really feel physical pain, or if you do feel it, don’t show it. And when the pain and aches is so minor but so utterly overwhelming at the same time, it really sucks because I feel like it could be ‘all in my head’. I don’t know. Well….
Stay Jazzed.
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