Example

I went to the gym (for the grand total of TWICE) tonight, and noticed something interesting. Besides myself, there was not another young fat woman there. There were no young fat men. The only other person besides me who WAS fat was in her mid-50's. Every single other person in there was well within the height/weight chart guidelines. In fact, in my eyes a couple of them could really use a few extra calories.

It was kinda uncomfortable - like the funny looking kid in high school sitting at the same table as the football players and cheerleaders for lunch. After a while though, I didn't notice it much - I was too busy trying to concentrate on doing what I was doing right. But, after I finished and got home - it set me to thinking.

Being fat in America is viewed as a shameful thing. So, as a fat person, being surrounded by skinny people isn't really my thing. It's like watching hours upon hours of music videos - it just reminds me repeatedly just how far I am from the 'ideal' of beauty in America. So - not only am I trying to 1) institute a new habit that is going to be phyically taxing I'm also 2) surrounded by people who remind me of just how unattractive (according to popular society) I am. I'm assaulted both physically and emotionally - and then I have years of 'girls don't sweat' and 'your feet are too flat to xyz' and 'girls shouldn't lift weights' and other negative exercise related bullshit bouncing through my head.
Is it any wonder that most people stop following an exercise plan after 2 months (or whatever the number is)?? It's HARD. And while the physicality of it is tough, I think it's the mental strain that wipes most poeple out.
Maybe that's one of the reasons that more Americans don't exercise. There needs to be more overweight role models. There has been many a time when I roll my eyes in disgust as Billy Blanks does something with his body that is TOTALLY impossible for me to do with mine. And we aren't even going to TALK about the Pilates tapes. It would be wonderful - just once - to see someone my size doing exercises - and knowing enough about them to guide me from a tape. It would even be wonderful for someone who USED to be my size to be leading an exercise, because they will know, in their bones and blood, how it felt to be overweight. Of course - something like that would be self defeating, because if you ever became famous, you would most likely exercise all the weight off. That would make an interesting series of video tapes though - each tape having the same (but smaller) instructor leading it.

So...to battle the mental doubts (the physical ones I can ignore) I've come up with my Gym Mantra: I don't know what these people looked like last year, but if I keep on - I can look like them next year. It got me through today, and really that's all that matters. I'll deal with tomorrow when I get to it.