Passion

I've met people that are radical - rabidly, fanatically so - about many things. So many things in fact, that I start to wonder when they have time to breathe - to be calm - to not be so very angry at the world for not understanding the righteousness of their positions.
For the longest time, I believed that I was not passionate. I believed that the fires that burned in others that made them so passionate and radical was simply not in me - and there was nothing I could do to change that.
Today - interestingly enough - I realized that there are some things I feel strongly about. I can't truly call it passion (at least not my idea of passion) because I'm not willing to fight, scream and attempt to wear people down over it. Nor do I feel the need to immerese myself in it constantly - and sometimes I don't feel like thinking about the things I'm passionate about at all.
But - there are some beliefs that I cling to radically - that when I see people verring away from those beliefs I cringe. I might not say anything, (does that make me weak?) espeicailly if I never plan on seeing them again. Most people who don't know me well most likely don't even know that I HOLD these beliefs. But some things just make me CRINGE. THe latest is watching overweight people who are complaingin about their weight eat pasta, potatoes or bread. I can't help it - I just cringe.
But I am fixed, passionate and set in these beliefs. If someone doesn't agree with them (at least most of them - or if there is disagreement at least OPEN-MINDED disagreement) it's going to be very hard for us to be friends - espeicially if you don't have A LOT else (friendwise) going for you.
I know that's always been my main problem in finding female friends from my own culture. Interestingly enough many of my 'passions' are things that my culture considers almost utterly unacceptable or simply totally opposite.

I want to write down what I am radical about - because since I first started thinking about it I have added so very many things on to the list.

I am radical about a woman's right to choose.
I am radical about equal rights for homosexuals.
I am radical about natural childbearing and rearing.
I am radical about equalaity between the sexes.
I am radical about taking responsibiliy for your actions.
I am radical about the inherent inequality and uselessness of the Big Three Religions.


I'm passionate about these beliefs. I most likely won't get into a yelling match over them - but I will support (through money or time) people and organizastions fighting for those beliefs. I might not start a petition - but I sign it and find everyone one I can to sign it as well.

Perhaps I'm so silent because to me - my beliefs are SO personal. Each one is formed by my life experiences and encounters, and I'm not perfect (or all seeing enough) to assume that what I believe is what everyone else should believe.
I think that the world would be a MUCH better place is everyone thought as I did, but then it would also be amazing dull without the spice that conflict and differences provide.

I'm actually rather amazed at this insight into MYSLEF. How often can you still suprise yourself at 26 years old? As I think about my closest friends - I realize that I only know what one of my several male friends feels about abortion for example - but also none of them dumped me as a a friend after I had one, so their beliefs can't be too radical in the anti-direction. My only real female friend is not religious, deeply into natural healing, a firm believer in personal responsibility, and is more fantic than I am about equal rights.
On the other hand - friends that I've had and simply slowly let go of - they were all feverent church-goers. They felt that an epidural and a bottle of formula is most of what they needed to get through the the transition between pregnant lady and mother. They've been subtly or obviously homophobic. No WONDER we didn't stay friends and no matter how much I try to talk myself into sending them a quick email so we can hook up to go out it somehow manages to slip my mind.
I can't be myself around them. I stopped enjoying the feeling of faking being me somewhere back in high school. Around my coworkers it's slightly easier - those sort of conversations don't come up often in workplace type conversations. Though, I have caught myself carefully editing my words over some lunch conversations lately.
I'm not the kind of woman who LIKES having a lot of distant friends - I'm the type who likes having a few VERY close friends. And with my close friends - honesty and TOTAL openness is a must. I'm not going to want to hold me tongue when she starts to talk about how wonderful her pastor is and how much he prays for the people in the church and how I should come by next Sunday. I'm not going to hold my tongue when he starts spewing about 'this fucking faggot' at work. I'm certainly not going to be able to bite my tongue when she talks about how she just wants them to dope her up so she can't feel a THING and wants the shot ASAP to dry up her breastmilk so it won't make her boobs droopy. AHHH!!!

So. With this is mind, maybe I can go into making friends with a little more success. I had a set of criteria I wanted to stick close to when I was dating, why shouldn't I have a list of criteria for making friends?

Hm. Such insights into me nd my silent passion.