Proud

I'm just about bursting with pride over here. I'm throughly and utterly proud of myself.

I'm shy. Not painfully - at least once I get through it, but it's hard (read damn near impossible) for me to take that first step and reach out to new people. But, I know that I'm not going to make friends sitting at home (no matter how fabulous the net is).
So - I joined a mailing list for GLBT people in Indiana called "Mutual Friends". Basically it's a mailing list for friendships and events in the area. Today, I got a email from the mailing list about a poetry reading in a local bookstore. It took me about 2 hours to talk myself into going, and I didn't take any of my poetry - because I had no intention of doing anything but reading.
I get there - and it's PAINFUL. I went in and browsed for a while, then finally sat down and waited.
Mind you, 1) I'm biseuxal, and I've run into some reallly sucky situations when it comes to lesbians. 2) I'm black, and while that doesn't matter to most people -I've never really interacted much with non-black people before I graduated from college. I went to an almost all black high school, in an mostly all black town, and then, went to an all black, all girls college. So - while after a while I don't notice it - it's still a little odd (for me) to be the ONLY black person at an event. I get over it pretty quick, but still.... Finally - I was the youngest person there - by at LEAST 10 years. So yeah - I was almost struck dumb.
But - I had fun. The ice was broken when someone started talking about Lord of the Rings. After that - they started reading poetry. It was rather good, and I started getting twitchy - wishing I had brought someo f my own to share. :) Me!! Super shy, super protective of her poetry ME! Thinking about sharing some of my babies with a bunch of Late Blooming gay folx!! *grins* I ended up giving a bit that I managed to remember - and got a GREAT response. *LOL* They LIKED me!!! (Or at least my poetry).

I feel like I'm on a high. I've NEVER done anything like this - and heaven knows I've never done anything like this BY MYSELF.
Even better - I want to go to more readings - and actually read. While I DID have fun with them tonight, and will most likely go back next month, I DO want to make friends - my age. :) So... one of the guys there said that there is a poetry reading almost every night SOMEWHERE in Indy. *deep breath*

So. I'm SO freaking proud of myself I could SPIT.


*spit*spit*spit*