closing the cage....

Well....it didn't go nearly as well as it could have, and yet, it turned out so much better than I expected. I love my Hubby, if I haven't explictly stated that before. He is SO much of my heart it's kinda scary - and ahh....well....let's do the recap shall we?

I go to pick him up from work, and for the FIRST time since he's had this job, he tells me he's had a horrible day. I know (without him saying so, though he later did admit it) that a good part of his horrible day was from fears/worries about my 'bombshell' so to speak.

So....we talked. Lord, did we talk. His first response?? 'I married you so I wouldn't HAVE to share you - I'm cool with sharing you with women, but I'm not comfy with you fucking other niggas.' *sigh* At least he's honest, ya know?? And - I was cool with that. Really - I AM. It's - *shrugs* oddly enough, it felt like more of an opening, once all was said and done more so than anything else. I've slammed into his boundaries - and with that ugly/horrible/dreadful confession out of the way - I feel - freer? Hmm...I guess confession is good for the soul. Anyhow - we talked - and talked - and talked for about 3 hours - the kind of talking that's - still not quite comfy for me...hm.

Sidebar:

One of the things I've noticed about myself is that the more I love someone, the more emotionally vulnerable I am - which makes sense. The - odd - thing about me, is that I tend to WITHDRAW emotionally from those I love - because I'm utterly TERRIFIED of them using that free pass to my heart to hurt me. So I can be a very blunt, randy, mouthy, utterly open and honest person with people I DON'T know - whereas I have a hell of a hard time even APPROACHING that brand of openess with people I love.

End Sidebar

So - where did we end up?? More or less in the same place we started, but some of the - delicacy is gone. We are going to try some new & fun things....and he DID say that maybe a few years down the line (once his possessiveness has eased a little) at least we both know where I stand.