Okay....remember the party? The one that was tomorrow night? Well, apparently I had a brain fart of HUGE propotions, and the damn thing is actually TONIGHT. Shite. I have nothing to wear, I have no birthday gift, I have to leave early to pick up Hubby, take him home, wait for him to shower, and come back to the party (if we make it back..... I'm only giving us a 30% chance of actually going back - whether it's because he just doesn't FEEL like it, or if it's because it's a wackass party)....and I have ANOTHER social engagement tomorrow - which means I'm going to have to get up early, drive him to work, do the usual household shit that needs to be done, primp for this event (that I REALLLLLY don't want to go to) go to that, escape, go and pick up Hubby....and finally I'll have Sunday to relax - but then, if we go car shopping, I most likely won't be able to relax totally then either. I'm not complaining - if anything, I'm trying to list out why having ANOTHER car note is a good thing rather than a bad thing.
We still haven't had the conversation about *thinks* whatever night that was when I told him to keep his trap shut - but - it's funny. For someone who is ALWAYS on me about not being communicative enough, he'll sit, and stew, and stew, and stew. I figure by Monday, there will be a full blown case of assholitis in our household. Why haven't I opened the topic? Okay - I've been reading The Ethical Slut (I HEART that book) and one of the main tenets is that you have to own your own emotions - and be able to express how they make you feel in a way that does NOT put the burden of your feelings on the other person. It's - rather freeing actually - coming to terms with the concept that I can be the BEST wife that I can be - but NOT having to take responsibility for how HE feels - only for how I feel. It sounds - selfish written out like that - but it's NOT that I don't care about how he feels - I do, and deeply - but I'm no longer going to do the work of expressing his feelings for him. In turn, I'm OWNING my feelings - when he told me earlier this week that he would 'make me a deal' and bring home fixings for cheesesteaks if I cleaned up the kitchen, I could have gotten angry/upset/disgusted over the concept of him making a DEAL - as if he EVER fucking cleans the kitchen - but instead I just let it slide off my back - and returned to my nap, since I had ALREADY cleaned the kitchen when I got home since the nasty milky water sitting in the sink was attracting flies.
It's nice - refusing to be an adult for him. Like right now, he's awake. I know he is, because his Yahoo! ID is no longer idle. But, when I get home, the house is going to look just how it did when I left - if not worse. He might find the time to lay out his clothes for tonight to make our turnaround time faster, but I doubt he would even think of that. He's most likely looking at big boob porn, and playing his video game, and he'll do that until he HAS to get up and take a shower so that he can go to work. I'm NOT looking for his car - yeah, it's painful to me for him to NOT have a car, but *shrugs* he knows how to get online, he knows how to call people - and it's NOT like he doesn't have the TIME to do it.
Ya know, I'm tired of taking care of both of us. We should be taking care of each other. and oh - don't get me wrong - most of this stuff is minor. It's just stuff that rubs me very much so the wrong way sometimes (especially when I'm hormonal) but - it's also something that I've kinda grown (growing) to accept. *sigh* We're not perfect people, in any way shape or form, and - well - I guess it's the imperfections that keep it interesting.
Right?
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