It's been a while....

since I've written - but I just haven't really been in the mood. Been noting occasionally, but that's about it.

What's new today? Hm. London - *sigh* I feel just as bad for London as I do for Baghdad, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

Holiday - went camping with the hubby - learned that if you are going to suck dick in a tent, do that BEFORE you try to jerk him off with Off! covered hands. Bllleech.

Work - played hooky yesterday - due to severe over indulgence in tequila the night before, combined with an hour or two of crying - we started talking about what sort of car he should get, somehow moved onto the subject of kids, I broke down in tears and finally told him about my suspected miscarriage while we were ON OUR HONEYMOON. Geh. I'm such a girl. Anyhow, everything is better.

Sex - had some hot steaming sex AFTER I stopped crying. It started out good, and then right in the middle I was like - ugh. I'm done (and no, I hadn't had an orgasm) but he wasn't done yet, so - yeah, whatever.

Therapy - saw her yesterday, didn't have much to say - doubt that I'll ever go back - it's just like bleh. She wasn't helping/interested in what I see as my ROOT issue, she was just all about me giving it up to hubby. And yeah, that's gotten easier - but it's more like *shrugs* sure - here - whatever, rather than the RAWR!!! Jump me jump YOU that I would like.

Smoking - I'm actually enrolling myself in a 'stop smoking' study combining Zyban and the patch. Really, I just want the free drugs, but as I figure that there MIGHT be a possiblity that the perfect, wonderful, four year long birth control I've been using might have to be REMOVED - well, hell.....I still think it's too early, but - as the light of my life said - we've pulled shit together faster than anyone might think possible before....so....who knows? Besides, I wanna see what I'm like on anti-depressants. But then, I might be getting a placebo....so....damn, I want the real stuff. I wonder if there is anyway to test and see if I'm getting Zyban or a placebo. Though, considering placebos have been proved to work almost as WELL as the real stuff, does it really matter.

Speaking of which - drug studies are such bullshit. Did you know that when they do studies, all they have to prove it that it works better than NOTHING, not that it works any better than something that is already on the market - or even something that might be available over the counter. *snort* such bs.

Saw a commercial last night for some drug that they are marketing to people undergoing chemo for cancer - it boosts your white cell counts. Me & Hubby immeadiately looked at each other and said - that HAD to be developed orginally for AIDS....

Okay. I think I'm done.