First things, I did something VERY fun and VERY naughty Friday when I went to pick Hubby up. I was TRYING to get off before he called, and he called before I could - so I brought my vibrator with me, and gave myself a LOVELY orgasm on the way to get him. RAWR!! I thought for sure I would get into an accident....but I made it safely. heheh....
In other, MUCH more important news.......
I got THROUGHLY drunk on *thinks* Saturday night, I believe it was, and fessed up to the Hubby.
I told him - I would like to 'sample' other men. I've been reading 'The Ethical Slut' again, and well - every TIME I read that damn book I realize that it SCREAMS me. Hello - this is me. So - I basically told him by starting out with 'Darling, I think I'm a slut.', and went on from there. High points - I told him that I think that - I've never learned how to leave the door of my sexuality halfway open - I can't 'be' straight, and I don't THINK that my full sexual persona knows HOW to express itself with one person....and that being able to touch/suck/rub on other people, would free me to be able to TOTALLY turn him out. The conversation actually went SUPRISINGLY well - he heard me, and listened to me, and the top of his head didn't fly off at any point in time. So - it went well.
The next day (Sunday) we had a quickie in the kitchen right before my family got here (heheheh) and then later he mentioned that he was sure that we could work things out in a way that would make us both happy....he's mentioned it several times - just little comments that let me know he's thinking about it. He said that his biggest fear/worry is hearing me make a noise with someone else that I've never made with him, and with me exploring/doing new things with someone else that I haven't done with him. Of course, and easy thing to solidfy that would be to say that anything I do new, I do first with him...that would be no problem. The sounds/expressions/reactions thing - eh, I don't know. I'm kinda trying to warm him up for a party that some of the local swingers are throwing next Saturday.....just to soften him up for the experience (if we go....which I hope we do).
So - I come home from work today, and find this waiting for me in Notepad:
Why does my wife want to fuck everybody? I've never had an issue with women but if you wanted to fuck other guys why did you marry one? If having any woman you want and just one man isn't enough..........I just don't know. Am I STILL missing somthing? If you have always felt this way, it is very unfair of you to bring it all out now that we are married. I guess better now than never.
My response (which I'm putting together in here on the fly) is going to be:
It's not that I want to fuck EVERYBODY - ick. I'm sure you didn't mean that in an indiscriminate way, but - quite simply, I'm pretty picky. And honestly, unless we are at a swing party, and are doing full swapping, I doubt that I'll find many (if ANY) men that I would fuck rather than you.
With that said, I married you because I love you. As simple (and complicated) as that. Are you still missing something? Kinda yes, and kinda no. Remember - I'm exploring myself within the limits of a long term relationship for the first time - and in my previous relationships, I did cheat on occasion - but I don't want to break the commitment that we've made to each other by cheating, so instead I'm trying to open up, and let you know what's really going on in my mind sexually. Remember how I tried for the first few years that we were together to be 'straight'? And I realized that closing off half of my sexuality dampened my WHOLE sexual being? In a somewhat similiar way (and I'm cringing as I say this - but it's truth) I think that - I might not be sexually monogamous.
So have I ALWAYS felt this way? Yes, and no. I've never HAD to feel this way, if that makes any sense. None of my previous relationships broke up because of anything major - it was more just me deciding that I didn't want to be with that person anymore - and only once was it because I WAS cheating on that person, and decided that I didn't like the feeling - the guilt - of worrying about whether I would get caught. And - hah - I've ALWAYS been free (prior to being married) to having the - option of straying - or at least getting damn close to it. Now that I AM married - that's just not an option - I'd much rather try to work out something between the two of us that allows me to - be my full sexual self. And yes, I do think that involves me having at least the - option - of sleeping with other men. Do I have anyone in mind? Nope - haven't even (and you KNOW how many men try to talk to me) found anyone that MIGHT peak my interest like that.
So.... what do ya'll think? Am I handling this right?? I think so - I think that......we CAN work this out. We just have to work through is fears. For ya'll that swing/are poly (CW and CuriousHubby mainly) was this something that ya'll came to AFTER you were married, or something that was already known ahead of time.
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