Got.fucking.DAMMIT.

I'm never having kids.

Ya know why?

Because of the whole two full time job thing, and the fact that my husband works in the least fucking stable industry EVER.

He got fired. again. DAMMIT.

And - *sigh* the main reason they USED to fire him?

MY fucking holiday party.

Let me lay it out for you.

I call, a week ahead of time to set things up with Do. I tell him - between 30 and 50 people, and we iron out the wrinkles on the menu. Can we choose any appetizer? Sure. Can we choose any soup or salad? Sure. And we are limited to the following entrees: :blahblahblah, right? That's correct. For the veggie options - can we choose any pasta? Sure thing! And can we add one other veggie option? Sure! Will there be an upcharge? Nope!

Call him on the 3rd, to confirm that our party of FORTY-THREE is still coming, and that it's okay for me to print out menus with full descriptions on them to bring with us. Sure - no problem.

We get there Tuesday - and SOMEHOW the message was - a party of 20 (TWENTY????) with TWO preselected apps, ONE soup, ONE salad, and NONE of the veggie entree options on the pre-printed menu that is on our table (singular)  

C had been TOLD a party of twenty was coming - with the limited menu, and that's what he prepared for the night before. He had come in on Monday - his day off, because him and his second had switched nights so C could go to the Pacers game. For a party of just twenty people - he didn't NEED to be there.

I run around frantically, trying to get things in the state that Do and I had AGREED to on Friday, and BUSILY mentally kicking myself because me (the get-it-on-paper-QUEEN) had no real paper trail.

The meal and the party as a whole were FABULOUS. We took up most of a room, and ate,drank, and were very, very merry. Ended up spending close to 2500 - on one of their VERY SLOW nights.

C goes to work the next morning, and they fire him for the delightful reason of  'since you weren't here last night, that means that you don't really care about the restaurant, and you can't be trusted to run the kitchen properly.'

If he had known that it was going to be a party of 50 instead of the TWENTY he was told, he would have been there.  If he had been told that we were going to chose from all of the apps/soups,  he would have been there.  If they had CALLED him when they realized how big our party actually was, he would have been there.

But no, they wait until the next day, and just fire him. The fuck? And - what PISSES me off even more, is that it was MY fucking party - or maybe I feel a little guilty. I DID say that he should go to the game. I COULD have run everything past him about the party beforehand....I SHOULD have gotten a record of what Do and I agreed to.

But I didn't. And they used that as an excuse to fire him. And we live in a fucking no-contest (or whatever the legal term for it is) state, which means they can fire you for any reason what so ever, and you just have to bend over and take it.

Got.fucking.DAMMIT.

*sighs*

And I'm just so damn tired - I hate money. Really. I hate being so tightly fucking bound to it that my whole mood & life are dictated by how unprecarious our already negative net worth hangs on a daily basis.

And - the part that sucks the most is I TOLD him that Da (the main owner) was going to screw him over. I told him that before he even TOOK the job - I honestly wanted him to just drop the whole project.

And I'm even MORE pissed that I brought well over 2K worth of business their way, and they turn around and FUCK my husband over like that -and use MY FUCKING PARTY as the reason. 

Oh. Ohhhhh. I wanna do something to them soooo badly. I know it's bad to illwish them, but I hope the fucking building burns down - no injuries, but I want them fucked.

And not in a good way.

ratbastards.

Oh!

I just remembered I have clay at home.

Clay! The fimo kind too! oooohhhh. I think I'm going to go homeand get creative tonight.

Maybe I'll invent something that'll make it all good.

I also need to find my passport (heh, wouldn't THAT suck) and...damn - there was something else that I need to do that just said 'pffft' outta my head.

Hm. I've started designing a ring again. And it's kinda sad,cuzI think designing it makes me feel less bad about the fact that I'll never be able to afford it - or at lwast no time soon.

The loan for my credit cards will be paid off in Sept. WhoomuthafreakingHHHHHHoooooooooo! That'll be an EXTRA 500 a month that I can dedicate to something worthwhile. Like moving.

Damn waht was the other thing I wanted to do?

Ah. -My laptop got hosed,fatass  G knocked it off the table, totally screwed up the LCD screen - totally. So- now I'm looking for a cheap monitor cuz I'm keeping this computer until it's DEAD - or until I've put 500 bucks into it. Eh.

Something, something. Ohh... this is what happens when you're tired - neurons jsut FORGET to freaking fire.

Ahwell. 4:10. I leave way to early, but I go home now.

Shit, owe the library money too.

 

I'm this kind of Freaky (not yet a) Mama

You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*pokes self*

I'm seriously getting fatter. My face is getting round, my pants are getting tight, my thighs are starting to thunder - and I've ONLY gained 5 pounds. Trust me though, for some twisted reason, it's looking more like 15.

I've GOTTA quit smoking. Seriously. I've told myself I'll quit once I lose the IUD, but hey - why wait right?

I want a boob job. Sometimes, I think I might not be so body crazy if I had 27yo boobs instead of the 49+ 3 kids with tandem nursing pair I've got now. I would like to not be flat chested without a bra, and a 38DDD with one. Ew.

Which leads me back to the whole 'I really need to quit smoking' as non-smokers heal SO much better than smokers. And have fewer post-surgical complications.

I also need to quit smoking so that I'll lose weight easier - nicotine blocks some kinda weightloss thingy, and if I lose weight, I might get a boob job covered by insurance due to the disproportionism.

Or of course, I could just win the lottery, collect a shitload of money, and get the boob job myself.

But then, it's almost June, (well, close enough) and my IUD is hitting it's fifth year and it needs to come out and I need - we need to decide what to do about that. Though, as much as I love little ones and know that I'd be a great mommy - I honestly don't think I have it in me to work two full time jobs, take care of myself, my husband, and my house. Hell, make that 2.5 full time jobs. So - if I have the option, I'd rather try to hold off doing both at the same time. But - money. Oh lord child, money. So broke am I.So very,very, very broke. So me quitting is just not. an. option.

So, for right now, getting nicely knocked up isn't going to happen in June. Which means that maybe I'll try to get a boob job in June, as I figure if they aren't going to be used, they might as well be purty.

Which means that I have to quit smoking in January. Mebbe that'll be my birfday present to myself.

Which, by the way, I'll be spending in Geneva. In January. *bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Which sucks, but eh. *shjrugs* it'll be my last trip there. And maybe my last trip out of the country for a while...well that's not true. I'll be traveling to Australia a good bit too, but not MOVING like I wanted to.

See - yet another reason to hold off on procreating - I'm traveling a HELL of a lot, and while they claim to be a very family friendly company, I don't think wearing my kid in a sling at work is going to go over well.

Well, maybe in Australia.

So. I've got FOUR reasons (utterly selfish ones mind you, that have nothing to dowith the well studied, investigated and proven dangers of smoking (which I don't need repeated to me thank you verymuch! sheesh!)) to quit.

1. Healthy Body, Healthy Baby (hopefully at some point in time)


2. Healthy Body, Prettier Boobies!


3. Healthy Body, and less thereof.


4. Healthy Body, fatter pockets (these bitches ain't cheap)

And it's odd - cuz I 'stop' for a week or two, then buy another pack that I blow through in an outrageously short period of time *shrugs* I need a good enough reason (in my head) to really quit, and - well, quite sadly enough, my long term health isn't it (maybe because I see myself only smoking for a short term?) anyhow. Yeah.

Bleh. Fatter I tell you! It's sooo weird - I was getting SMALLER without losing weight, now I'm getting BIGGER without gaining any. I mean - what, is my body eating the muscle and storing it as fat?  I keep trying to tell myself it's a bit of pre-period bloat on top of those fivepounds - but I can't look myself in the face and say that cuz my face is all big & round shaped. Look like I got a damn moon face. Maybe it's water retention? a lil too much salt? HAH! I've made it though my nine months of ignoring my body, and it's about time for me to start paying her somemore attention.

And I'm SO farking tired. My god. I could just curl up and GO. TO. SLEEP. I seriously almost fell asleep at my desk- and I got a solid seven hours of sleep last night.

hmm... maybe it is water retention, cuz my feet or swollen and throbby. And I love these shoes, so it ain't them.

Gah!

*snort*

Failure, failure, failure.

I haven't written a SINGLE bloody word. Oh Well. I guess it wasn't meant to be......

11/20/04

This was a shitload of fun.............

 

---

 

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20.Slept under the stars
21.Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26.Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27.Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28.Had a food fight
29.Bet on a winning horse
30.Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31.Asked out a stranger
32.Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34.Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favourite fantasy
37.Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41.Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44.Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47.Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states.
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53.Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58.Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64.Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69.Alphabetized your records
70.Pretended to be a superhero
71.Sung karaoke
72.Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74.Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77.Played in the mud
78.Played in the rain
79.Gone to a drive-in theatre
80.Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82.Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favour of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87.Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honour of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91.Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93.Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97.Gone without food for 5 days
98.Made cookies from scratch
99.Won first prize in a costume contest
100.Ridden a gondola in Venice
101.Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107.Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109.Performed on stage
110.Been to Las Vegas..
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night-stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Moulin Rouge
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122.Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favourite childhood toy [Candyland]
128. Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131.Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136.Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion, or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
142.Had a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144.Petted a stingray
145.Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149.Broken a bone...
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155.Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery..
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173.Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school.
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186.Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191.Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192.Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you.
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199:Written your own role playing game
200: Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death

litter issues

Okay... I love my cats, Ido.

I also LOVE having hard wood floors - they are simply the best thing since sliced bread.

However! Thecombination of those two things (cats, ie - litter & wood floors) has created an icky situation -litter is ALL though our house. We walk around and - ick. Little grainy pieces of I don't want to imagine WHAT collect to the bottom of our feet, and just about eveything else - and it's just right icky.

Considering that this MUST be a problemfor more than just me, I went online to look and see what was out there - and bleh. Mats (which I tried in a house with carpet - the brats WOULDN'T walk on them) to complicated screen/carpet combos  (I'm cheap) - but nothing that looks like it would really work.

So....I'm on the hunt/search  for something that will eliminate this problem.  For now, I'm going to try three things - one is to move where their litter boxis so that they have to walk through more of the laundry room (ohhh.... and it REALLY is one!) in order to get into the rest of the house, I'm going to put a bathmat (one of the suggestions I found online) under and in front of the new boxplace -AND I'm going to (try to) sweep at least everyday, instead of just on the weekends when I usually do the full houseclean.

*sigh* I don't know what else todo - I wonder if they would walk on one of those sticky mats like they use in front of the labs to pull residue off of people's shoes?? *snorts* Most likely not. Brats.

So - what have you other cat owners done tocut down on finding litter in places....well - that you REALLLY don't want to?

Shhttuff.

And after all that whinging I did yesterday, what time did I end up going to bed? A little after midnight of course - but by that time, I was actually awake soo....whatever.

I GOT my harddrive! And....*sniff* my computer is ALIVE again. Now, I just need to find someone who can collect whatever is left off of the old hard drive - and I suspect that the battery might be the culprit, because when I have it in, the computer won't even turn on....so YAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also - workertype people are coming to our house today to vent the dryer (though the moisture it was adding to the air really was lovely),  so that I can start it running and leave the house and not worry about burning it down.  We still haven't installed the waterbed (no hose) but... that's coming along nicely.  Our next goal is bookcases, and getting rid of our furniture - it's WAYYYY too big for this place, and makes it feel all cramped and icky. Hopefully, wewill be able to find something for a good deal. Hmm.... I need to scour freecycle again.

*twenty minutes later* Boy! Okay....that was interesting, trying to reorganize all of my yahoo groups. I realized that I have WAYYYYYYYYYYYY too many email addresses, some of which I haven't checked in EONs. 300 unread messages?? *lesigh!!*

Okay -work todo, inone way or another. ta ta!

 

 Ah!!! Readers who have cats - how the HELL do you prevent them from tracking the litter alllllll through the damn house????!!!!

untitled

tired. tired. tired. tired. tired.

Up to my eyeballs in excel.

tired.

wan go sleep NOW.

Cannot.

must work.

bastards!

Catching Up....

Well.... it's been an interesting two weeks - and while there's been plenty of stuff that I've MEANT to write - between life itself, and work, hah - haven't had time. So...let's get started.

1. Sex - whohoo! Not totally perfect, but damn it's a hell of a lot better. Came to a realization over the last few weeks about my - disinterest - I suppose you could say. I'm bisexual, and I've KNOWN this for about 6 years or so. I was always one of those bi folx who believed that if you were with someone, you were with that person - and despite your sexuality - that person alone should be enough. My relationships before C only lasted for about 9 months on average though, which means I never really field-tested that theory. So - in order to remain true to C, I tried to repress my sexuality - acting as if there were two sides of me - the 'straight' side and the 'lesbian' side - and that I could repress one (the lesbian side, obviously) and focus on the other. Instead, what I ended up doing was repressing my sexuality all together - it's an all or nothing game, apparently. So - I think that our little 'conversation' a month ago gave me the 'freedom' to be able to tap back into my full sexuality - and while I still don't crave sex - the thought of a lil freaky deakiness doesn't make me cringe, either. I haven't 'actively' reinstated my bisexuality, but heh - I'm looking forward to it, and knowing that C is cool with it (mildly thrilled, freak that he is) makes it - better in some pretty cool ways. I AM still (kinda sorta) planning on talking to a professional - but with this awareness - hmmm - it'll be interesting to find someone openminded enough in this state - ESP. someone who is recommended by my conservatively republican company.


2. Work - boooo!!! I don't think I've ever worked so freaking hard -ever- but DAMN! was it fun. The last two weeks have been hell on wheels preparing to upgrade and cutover our production system. We got through it the past weekend, finished EIGHT hours ahead of schedule (cuz we fuckin rock) and so far, it sounds good as we haven't heard any screams from the sites. I'm SOO geeked. I've still got a shitload of stuff to do that I put off to get this crap going, but hey - priorities, right? But - perk! I got my 100.00 'Thank you for bending over and being our bitch' gift check on Saturday - but I haven't decided how to spend it just yet. It's between lingere, a sewing machine, or sheets - all things I want, all things I 'kinda' need, and all things that 100.00 bucks would almost cover. Ah! Also found out that I might be able to move to AUSTRALIA as there is a site there that needs support. Italy or Australia?? One thing I LOVE about Australia - they speak ENGLISH! No need to learn a second language (though I need too, but Italian wouldn't be my first choice) So - who knows where I might end up.


3. Home -whhhoooofreakinghooo!!!! First and FOREMOST - Saturday - WE GOT A WASHER AND DRYER. I installed it last night (there was a funny 'gender shift' going on then - I'm in the laundry room, cussing over hooking up the washer & dryer - while C is in the kitchen, washing dishes and cooking dinner -I love us) I was almost in tears loading the first load. I think that this may be the first time I've had my OWN washer and dryer in - years. I certainly haven't had one IN the apartment that I lived in since highschool (make that 1992 - so TWELVE years) - and I honestly can't EVER remember having a washer and dryer IN my house - I've always had to go to coin laundromats. I'm so damn excited I SERIOUSLY don't know what to do with myself. I washed two loads yesterday, and have a SHIT load of stuff to wash that I've had laying around (like blankets) for MONTHS. *sigh* I love it, love it, love it. We ALSO got a queen sized waterbed on Saturday, and worked together to put that together yesterday. We haven't put the mattress in yet (that bitch is HEAVY) but it's taking up most of our bedroom now. Okay - but the COOLEST part of all? We only paid 290 for all three items - 30 bucks (well, 40, as I ain't feel like asking for change once I saw how good shape the bed was in) for the bed, and 250 for the washer and dryer (damn near brand new - not a scratch on them, and the guy had just brought them last year - Kenmore!) I love my work classifieds, and I love my company for making people move and forcing them to sell such lovely items for so outrageously low prices. In other home related news - my NEW hard drive for MY computer should be waiting on my doorstep when I get home today (please treat me right UPS) and I might have a WORKING computer back. Hmm.... maybe I should spend that hundred bucks trying to rescue the data offa my OLD harddrive.


4. Me - whhoooboooo! Okay - the whoo is just because - dammit - I'm happy. I'm content, I'm still broke, but at least I don't FEEL quite so broke, I love my husband again (cycles Kimmie?) and - well....things are going well. The booo is because - I'm GAINING weight again. And yes, it's most likely all the sugar and coffee and starch and just generally bad shit I've been eating lately. I KNOW I'm going back on 'realfood' on Jan 1 (no matter what country I'm in) and I'm considering scooping up one of those hypnotic CD's like 'Rella's got and vibing to that until the end of the year - priming the pump so to speak.

---

I have utterly no comment to make about the election except for that fact that I was sick to my stomach all day on the 2nd, and just plain freaking depressed on the 3rd. The concept of allowing love to shine in ALL it's forms was considered immoral - but a bloody war started for no reason killing who knows how many civilians IS moral......dammit America, how STUPID and NARROWMINDED can you get? *sigh* Shit. So yeah. It's kinda frustrating though - we know that we are stuck with him for the next four years - so at this point, I guess all that we can do is try to mitigate the damage he can cause. *sigh* Shit.

Umm.... I think that's about it for now.