Progression of a Homebuyer...

Ahh yes - there's something I can speak on.

I've always wanted to own a house - a place of MY own, but my deep gut resistance of getting into enourmous quantities of debt always held me back.  Several people told me to look at it as an 'investment' - something you buy to live in, with the assumption that you are going to sell it a few years later and make a crapload more money off of it than you initially spent on it. Hm. Okay - that makes sense, but something in my enternal bullshit-o-meter was still pinging. As I started looking into the housing market, I realized what it was - every bubble has GOT to pop sometime. No constant growth rate is sustainable - at some point, the growth has to stop - and the dying has to start. So - I am deeply uncomfortable with the concept of buying a house for an 'investment'. With that out of the way however, oddly enough, I became MORE enamoured about buying a house - because by discarding the concept that I HAD to buy for an investment - ie, had to buy something that would be easily resellable - I could EMBRACE the concept that I could buy something suited to my own particular peccadillos, and NOT have to worry about flipping it at some point. A long term mortgage became more attractive - when I started looking at it like rent - the simple fee that you have to pay to have a roof over your head, and not as a tax write-off, or a future investment. I could look at houses as if I'm going to live (and hopefully die) in the same house.

Of course, first I had to find a city that I could actually SEE myself living and dying in - and so far, I'm feeling Memphis. Next - comes the price calculation. Based on the money we are bringing home right now, we could most likely close on a 265K house (if we found one that we liked) by - oh, say February. The mortgage would be a stranglehold on us, and if one of us lost our job, we would be screwed in a matter of months. After looking at houses, I realized, that I don't WANT a house that's over 200K - after a certain point, house prices go up because of all the stuff that's in them - the marble foyer and the granite countertops and the burnished oak banister and the in ground pool and - blah, blah, blah. I don't NEED - nor really WANT all of that crap. If I wanted to sell the house to someone else, it MIGHT be a good investment. If I plan on keeping the house - *shrugs* even my chef of a husband doesn't drool over a granite countertop. So - looking around - at the current market in Memphis - I realized that we want a house in the 100K-120K range.  And, after looking at amortization rates, I realized that a 30 yr loan is - insanity.  For a ten year mortgage, with a 5.75% interest rate you end up paying the principal, plus 30% for interest.  For a 15 year mortage, it's principal plus 50%. For the 'classic' 30yr mortgage - ASSUMING (as it seems few people do) that you will actually pay OFF the mortgage - you will end up paying DOUBLE the 'selling' price of the house before you own it.  Say WHAATTTTT????  Um, no? Of course, if you also assume that the housing market is going to continue to go up, up, up - it might not be such a bad tradeoff, right? But if the market stagnates, or heaven forbid, the bubble actually pops - you're screwed in a house that you owe more on than ANYONE in their right mind would buy. Humph.
So - our goal is a 120K house, 15 year mortgage. The more of a downpayment that you have - the less the mortage is. The less the mortage is, the less interest you have to pay on the property - and the faster you can pay it off. I'm actually hoping that we can get a house for around 90K, and considering our requirements, I think it will take just a bit of 'right-timing' to get it......

1. It's GOT to be on at least 1.5 acres of land - the more, the better. Real land, not development hell (like those McMansions in Germantown - sweet JESUS save me!)


2. It needs to have a good roof...


3. a good foundation...


4. good plumbing...


5. and mostly decent wiring.


6. At least 3 bedrooms (I think 4 would be best, though I wouldn't frown over 5)


7. At least 1.5 baths


8. No housing association


9. A basement would be nice - unfinished is fine.


10. And a gas stove, for my beloved husband.


11. Needs to be within 30 minutes of our jobs (we'd take 40 for a REALLY good deal, but nothing further out)


12. Trees. Gotta have trees. Lots and lots of trees.

And that's about it. We plan on putting a LOT of sweat-equity in the house - I really don't care if the carpet is ugly, and the cabinets are from the 70's, and the wallpaper looks like something from hell - *shrugs* elbow grease, and actually having enough liquid money that ISN'T tied up in a mortgage will make it a much - simpler process to create OUR 'perfect' house than trying to buy the 'perfect' house up front.

And since I still plan on quitting my job at SOME point - the mortgage that we have HAS to be small enough for a single income household - and the bigger the downpayment is, the easier that will be. And - if all goes well - by mid 2007, we will have about 40K for a downpayment/closing/inspection/moving and all the other up front money that is needed for a house.

So yeah. That's why we aren't rushing into buying a house.....I don't want to have to regret it.

Well...

Let's see - how many times have I restarted this entry? First, I came in here to talk about money, and my beloved husbands apparent belief that it grows on trees - no wonder we were always tight at the end of the month! Then, I was going to talk about the insanity that is me looking at house listings, knowing QUITE damn well that we won't have enough of a downpayment until mid 2007 at the earliest (barring an enourmous amount of luck with the little white balls at some point between now and then). Then, I realized, that was about money too, and really - I don't have anything else to talk about. I've vented all the spleen I have about work for about the next - three or four months unless someone REALLY pisses me off. The compost is coming along nicely - but when the heck do the leaves start to fall off of the trees? I think I might be becoming addicted to freecycle - and I had a great score at the thrift store last night - I found a 'mini' greenhouse, and some of those little peat pot things that you can germinate seeds in and then just plant the whole dang thing in the ground. I also got one of the catalouges I requested last night - and it was all flowers. I have a bit more of an appreciation for flower gardens now - suxh BEAUTY!! I mean, we ain't talking regular ole flowers here - and that made me want to look at house listings even MORE. ARRRGHHH!!
I - *shakes head* I get so damn obsessed with that which is in the future, and neglect to focus on what is today. I've got SEVERAL 'short-term' projects that I need to be implementing/obsessing about rather than the longer term stuff but, well, my brain goes *PPPHHFFTTTT* Lil heifer.

Hm. Need to find a fabric store. *thinks* *thinks* There is one..........up on Winchester, I think. Hm. Hm. I think that tonight, I will go home, and clean out the pantry closet and see what I can get rid of. And also, jsut maybe, root through the 600 gallon plastic bin that's in the upstairs closet and see what we can get rid of from there. Then assign stuff to go in the attic. *nods* That'll occupy my time.

It's - sad, really. I've realized that I've just got CRAPLOADS of free time - really. I come home, and zombie out for 5-6 hours. And a goal of mine is to make better USE of that time  - to actually DO something. *thinks* Hmmm. Yes. Get up, get out and GET something.

I'm trying to putter away a bit of time - I've got a meeting at 4pm, and - it's only a few minutes away. See - this is a point where previously I would go and smoke a cigarette or two. But instead, I blabber on and talk and talk and talk....

*sniffs* what's that I smell?

Something has just become crystal clear for me - corporations, no matter how 'soft & fuzzy' they might claim to be, really don't give a flying fuck about the vast majority of their employees. Everything started going downhill at the start of the industrial age, once some bright accountants realized that machines could do the work of a man faster, harder, quieter, and with less nasty interference like strikes and safe work enviroment demands, and time off. Since then human labor has been the most costly, as well as the most easily dispensible aspect of a company.
Today, they tried to make me feel valued, involved, connected - like I am really part of the team. Bullshit. I'm a wageslave. The interests of the stakeholders (and I don't care how much stock they've 'given' you - if you are a peon, you AREN'T one of the stakeholders they give a damn about) start demanding more profit, more production, more efficiency, a tighter bottom line, more, more, more - guess who are going to be the first ones led to the chopping block? I can assure you that the CEO's salary/tax breaks/employment 'perks'  won't be touched - oh my, no. They might not actually come right out and FIRE the peons, oh no. They'll 'divest' certain areas of their business (which sounds so much better than laying off 2100 people). They'll turn into a more 'global' company (which sounds so much better than saying 'we're sending the jobs of those people we just laid off to Thailand'). We'll have to 'tighten' our belts, and 'sacrifice' for the benefit of the company. We might get tossed a few scraps, a couple of shares, to make a feel more - connected. But - we'll also have to spend more on our healthcare. Our insurance plans will have more exclusions, and a higher deductible. The raises will get smaller. The free coffee, isn't free anymore. The lunches in the company cafeteria will get more expensive.
Little piddly shit, right? That's only because I'm speaking from an IT perspective, which, I paid for, am still paying for, and really hope that I can keep my job long enough to actually pay off. Those unmentioned employees in those sites that are being 'divested'? Screwed. Those people whose jobs are moving overseas as we become a more global company? Screwed.
Of course, it's completely understandable. It's the real world of capitalism - those who have get over, and continue to collect, and those who have not get worked hard, wrung dry, and screwed over. I'm not saying that the model is flawed - it is what it is. I'm just no longer deluded into believing that I matter to this company in any way, shape, or form, and if I expect anything of them - right up to next months paycheck - I'm deluded, and while that delusion may not show up next month, it'll eventually be shown out as a delusion at some point. Unless I dump them first, I WILL get dumped right on my deluded ass for the sake of some one who is already richer than I'll ever be getting a little richer.

So I finally did it,

after 4 years, and 11 months.
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I cut my hair.  Yup. Got sick of it last night, picked up the scissors and a scrunchy, and had a clip fest in the bathroom. Really, I didn't CUT it - it was more of a trim. My hair - well, some of it at least, was longer than shoulder length, but not all of it was - it was a lil choppy - had some really LONG bits, and some really short bits and - it just looked - eh. So - I trimmed off all of the really LONG bits, left the medium to short bits alone, and now - wow. Can I jsut say - wow? What the hell made me wait for so long???!!!??? It's rather like how freaked out I was before I went blond, and then afterwards, I was like - ahhhh - that actually looks REALLLLY sweet. I'd totally lost my 'fear' of being blond. Now - I've been shed of my fear of cutting my hair. It looks SWEET. Really. It's about midway between chin and shoulder, I've got natural funky little bangs in front, and the whole thing looks more like a - planned arrangement of hair rather than a collection of straggly bits. I also tightened up the roots in front, so the bangs are being difficult and want to keep falling into my eyes - but damn. I'm SERIOUSLY thrilled.

In other hair news - I'm almost fully blond now. It's - a varied blond - honey brown in some places, golden blond in other places, with dark brown roots, and tiny bits of dark brown peeping out from the middle of some of my locks where the bleach didn't get to. It SOUNDS - trashy looking, but it really works well on me. *blinks* I'm so hot. :) And I'm wearing what may be the funkiest top on the face of of the earth - soft and flowing with the sexy sleeve cutouts in black and turqouise and brown bottomed off with the long black skirt - I should have worn my hot girl boots today too, but I still refuse to accept the fact that it's FALL weather, period. I even put on a little makeup this morning - I'm really feeling purdy.

Which is good, considering I have to go to a mandatory class about how my company has screwed over several of it's employees already, and a outline as to how they are going to screw the rest of us over gently, gently. *grunts*

Edit: Pictures??? Ummm yeah see - I would right, but remember the comment an entry or two ago about my POS laptop and how the damn screen don't wanna work no mo?? Well yeah, that, and my work laptop is a ravingbitch about foriegn programs. :) Ya'll know I'd wanna share the hot a'ishah luurrrvvveeeeee wit yall..... *pouts*  but if I can figure how to upload to this thang WITHOUT actually having to download the camera program thingy (hmmm.. I might be able to use the camera as an extral drive) I'll definitely take a pic of me with my new hair and hot shirt and my rockstar shades......

Told you I was feeling chatty....

Okay - is it bad that I don't even WEAR the nicotine patch during the day (unless I forget to take off the one from the night before) because I don't really feel like I need it, but I DO put it on at night, so that I can get the utterly amazing techni-color dreams that the patch provides?? I mean - seriously - the DREAMS alone are worth it. For example - last night/this morning...

I was looking for a job for C, and found one where he would be a chef of a cruise ship. Somehow, I got a model of the cruise ship, that actually opened up via a split down the middle and showed the kitchen, and the living quartes, and all of that great stuff. I'm reading the details on the engines, and suddenly - the ship shifts to full size, and it's been split down the middle, and so it's sinking. As I let go of the ship, it splashes into the water, and flings me up into the air.
I look down, and I'm - hell - 100 ft above the most perfectly blue crystal clear ocean waters ever - and there no ship there anymore and I'm seriously in the MIDDLE of the ocean - nothing but blue sea all around me, and instead of the ship being below me,  there are a group of whales, - one of whom is just finishing a jump out of the water and I realized that the tail of the whale had caught me in the water, and flicked me up into the air. I don't want to land on the whales, so I angle myself as I fall towards another section of water. I'm not the least bit afraid, as I KNOW that when I hit the water, if I just stay relaxed I'll bounce back up to the surface, and I'm falling faster, and faster and just before I hit the surface of the water I take this HUGE gulping breath....

*blinks* And that's it. I don't remember actually hitting the water, or anything else. I don't even think I dreamed anymore - or maybe my alarm clock went off and woke me up. But - the dream itself is PERFECTLY clear - and it's in COLOR. I'm talking - full spectrum gorgeous color! Another thing that I can do in 'patch' dreams is I can read. Normally, it's just not possible to read in dreams - the part of your brain that reads isn't actually the part involved in dreaming (If I remember aright)- but I can read - and I can remember WHAT I've read. *blinks* Very cool dreams they are.

 

I'm really NOT ready....

for it to be fall just yet. Yes, yes, I know that its - October. And yes, yes, I've seen that the almost timely sales of colorful candy has begun  - and heaven help me, I saw a SALE on Christmas trees already. And - even still - I'm - I'm not READY to turn in my cute little open toed sandals, and my flirty short skirts, and the light and summerly billow sleeve tops. I'm not READY to unpack the pants (none of which fit - so why bother unpacking, hmmm??) and the sweaters and the knee high boots and the closed toe shoes. I'm not READY for the trees to start turning colors, and for the early morning nip in the air to last all damn day. I know, I know - after summer comes fall, and after fall comes *shudder* winter - but then! comes spring, and I suppose that's kind of nice, so I might be able to get over the whole end of summer bit, but - I'm not READY.

But, whether I'm ready or not really makes no never mind to the state of the weather, now does it? And really,  I should be thankful that I'm in the south - first frost would have already happened in Indy by now. And I would feel even more foolish still strolling about with bare legs and knee length skirts. *sigh* I suppose I need to reorg my closet - and I really need to face up to the fact that - well, - I ain't got no winter clothes. Tsk, let's be honest with ourself, I can't FIT into my bloody winter clothes. Mind you, I really didn't have that many - I've got some 5 or 6 year old sweaters, and about *thinks* 3? really 2 pairs of decent winter pants - several winter skirts - msot of which I've actually never worn, and the ones that I have worn, well hell, even I'm too old for them now. But, what I'm really shortish on are stockings. I hate pantyhose with a deep and abiding passion, and trouser socks really only work when you have, well, trousers. I'm currently plotting on the cheapest possible way to refresh my supply of clothing. I need pants, really - 3 pairs will last me for most of the winter - 2 pairs black, and one pair brown. I don't THINK I need any shoes, but I'll have to double check. The socks I can get from the Dollar Store. I'll try the thirft store for the pants - but - it's usually a true adventure finding my size....so maybe I'll try VC instead. Hmmm....

Let's see - what else is new? I'm composting - I can't remember if I mentioned that before - it's rather interesting, as I've become a curb bandit. Bags of grass clippings and leaf rakings are not safe from - DumdumDUMMMMMMMM - the leaf bandit. (If anyone in Memphis has bags of leaves they want to get rid of, and don't want to have to pay the city to pick up - I'll come get them!!!!) I've got a 7x12 area in my front yard that is dirt - good dirt too, as I think that landloard dumped some useful stuff there in the spring, and another smaller area - 1.5X4 or so, that is reserved for the strawberries. Yummm. I'm also trying to consistently remind my beloved husband to bring home the HUGE 5 gallon buckets from work so that I can use those as container plants. So far, my listing of veggies to grow is pretty short. Tomatoes, green peppers, habeneros, strawberries, going to try the herbs again, going to try lettuce again as well, (I think both died due to too much sun and too much heat and not enough water - I'm actually CONSIDERING growing them inside in front of our huge window downstairs....but I'll most likely stick them in buckets outside so they can be moved around as needed) garlic, maybe onions, cucumbers, some sort of squash (I like it, hubby doesn't) maybe spinach- oohhh - maybe kale, cabbage!, hmmm.... not sure what else.  Sunflowers!
I was lucky enough to score a REALLY great deal at the Library Book Store Saturday - the Squarefoot gardening book for 1.50 (it usually sells for 18 bucks) and a Rodale book on common garden problems (and how to fix them) organized by both plant and by pest for 2.50 (and I don't even know how much that one costs as it's out of print now - I'll have to check the back cover) but - SCORE.  I've also ordered a boatload of seed catalogues......I don't think that they even START to show up until November at the earliest though.
It's - interesting - really. I've ALWAYS wanted a garden - it's soooo.....satisifying, really. It's so - lovely to DO something that actually provides results. *frowns* I'm not saying it quite rights - results isn't really the word I want to use. *sigh* What I do for a living - I'm not really PRODUCING anything. I'm not creating anything - I'm just a cog, in a huge system, turning and turning and turning - and for what? To make a cheaper ream of paper? Bah! I'm so disconnected from the end results of my work, it's almost like my work doesn't HAVE an end result. *laugh* Theres a sci-fi story about how the government creates jobs in the future - there is one shift of men who tighten all the bolts on a building, and another shift of men who loosen them. Each of them really feels like they are doing something worthwhile - but really, it's busy work of the highest magnitude.  When I'm at work - I'm doing busywork. When I'm in the garden, elbow deep in moist leaf bits, or wiping dirty sweat off of my forehead as I turn over the dirt,  or uncovering FLAGSTONES that some brilliant person thought it would be a bright idea to bury, or carefully replanting bulbs that decided they wanted to start growing AFTER I turned the dirt over (seems like the dirt was so packed down that nothing would grow - but now that I've loosened it up  - watch out mama!!!) in my starwberry patch - that is NOT busywork. It's hard work, and it's not glamourous, and it's certainly not well paid, and really - I'm sure that once you add up my labor cost and the cost of me screwing up, and the cost of the seeds and all the other odds and ends - really, it would be cheaper (at least for the first year or so) to just go to the dang store and buy it - it's so much more FULFILLING to look out my front door and see the actual - results - of my effort. Hm....that's an interesting insight. I PREFER doing work that I can actually SEE the end result of - doing something that truly produces something - a tomato, a website, a joyful birth, a poem. Humph.
I plan on actually starting from the seeds (that's another book I've been keeping an eye out for - Seed to Seed - basically explains how to get seeds from all of your plants) and we are trying to figure out where exactly in our house we are going to set up the germination tables - I think I might use the walk in 'pantry' type closet that is currently the store house for everything plus some stuff& junk - most of which we use infrequenlty enough that they could actually be stored in the attic) so - that'll be part of a project that'll keep me busy through some of the fall - as really, once I get the compost started good, there's not much else that I can do with the dirt until March or so.
So yes, ya'll get to hear about my garden plans until MARCH. Hehehheee.....

I've got a little - side business (other than the doulaing bit) that I've been plotting on/considering for the last year or so. I haven't put it fully into operation because there were afew design elements that I hadn't solved to my satisfaction just yet, and it's interesting, as the answers have been just POPPING into my head lately. Hehehe. So.... the last bit of a stubmling block is - purely creative. I'm trying to figure out a - theme, so to speak. Or really, a series of themes that can be linked together - a series of visual themes. Once again, I've come up with the idea around what I want, and now I'm just waiting for the little spark of - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - brilliance/inspiration to strike. And I think it might have just struck, just by writing about it - I'll have to look into that a little more.

Heavens, but I'm in a chatty mood today.

1001 Days

Something interesting I saw on one of my favorites OD's, and figured - hey! Why not? I think it might be hard to come up with 101, but, I'll make a college try.

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days. Assuming that I start my tasks on October 10, 2005 - I should have all of them complete by July 7, 2008.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Family

Friends

Financial

Physical

Mental

Spiritual

Work

Home

 

 

Preoccupated

Is that a word? Preoccupated? I know that preoccupied is a word, but is preoccupated the past tense?? Anyhow.

Howdy Ya'll!!!! I've been drifting through diaries occasionally, leaving the very infrequent note - largely because I've been preoccupated - preoccupied. Whatever. Um.

Went to Atlanta, for the book conference - was very odd, as 95% of the attendees were authors, and I felt soooo outside of their little cliques - esp. considering I don't read most of them. I'm not into 'drama' books - I'm allergic to drama, and therefore it isn't very entertaining to me. Umph. Let's see - what else? Met a couple of friends while I was there, got utterly stanking drunk one night (just the MEMORY makes my head hurt) but generally had a shiteload of fun.

Umm....went to a Pagan Pride Festival a weekend or two ago, sprained the dogshit out of my ankle there, still had a buttload of fun.

(Why does all of my fun involve ass somehow?)

So, anyhow - the preoccupation. Nope, not pregnant - just. *sigh* I - don't know how to put it into words that anyone else would understand. Well.... that everyone else would understand I suppose is really how I want to say it. I've - I've always been a little out of step with the world, ya know, and it's always been right. And - I don't trust my deep gut feeling of utterly paranoid worry enough to worry others - but at the same time, I trust it enough that I feel like I would be totally - totally - unlike me to keep it to myself. So....I'll break it down for ya'll the same way I broke it down for my husband.......and give ya'll some links.

Hey, I might be crazy. It might never happen....but so much of what is going on today would make sense, if it WAS going to happen.

 

 

All finite resources follow a bell curve path of availability.  When they are first discovered, only a little is able to be accessed - and as time goes on, it becomes easier and easier to access the resource, so that every year - you are getting more and more of it. But - it's a bell curve, so at a certain point, you'll reach a peak - you're getting as much of it, as you will EVER get. The resource is still there, it's just harder to get, it's more expensive, and there is less of it available.
Oil - is approaching its peak. *smiles* Even the petroleum industry has acknowledged that we have gone through about half of the oil that is expected to be found on earth - and the demand for oil is rising at it's fastest rate ever, helped by our friends in the Indo-Asian part of the world, at the same time that the supply is diminishing.
So what, you might say? Gas prices will go up - I'll just drive less.
I wish it was that simple.  EVERYTHING that you do, EVERYDAY uses oil somehow. Think about the trucks that got it to you, the machines that built it, the packaging it was wrapped in, the car you drove to get it, the utilities at the store that sold it to you - EVERYTHING we do, from food to fucking, involves oil.
It's not that the world is running OUT of oil - nah, we've got a couple of decades before that happens - but the world is running out of CHEAP oil. The world is running out of oil that can be easily refined. The world is running out of oil that can be easily pumped.
And without a net worth around Bill Gates - if you live in the 'standard' American world, you'll be affected. It's not that there won't BE any gas, it'll just be unaffordable - at least if you want to pay your rent and keep the lights on too. It's not that there won't be ANY food (did you know it takes 10 calories of oil to produce ONE calorie of food?) it'll just be outrageously expensive. It's not that utilities will stop working - they'll just charge exorbiant amounts.
So - that's been what's been preoccupying me. I was dirt poor once, and I have no intentions of going there again. So - I've been making plans. We've been making plans - the previous entry about our budget was about as close as I could get to - talking about it. *sigh*  We're actually looking to buy a house - someplace near the city, but with enough dirt under/around it that we can grow/produce a good bit of our own food. We're saving gigamounts of money so that we can buy a house and have it PAID off, as fast as possible. Everything I do - suddenly has a single focus - is it sustainable? Will it help me prepare for my future? Is it really needed? And nah - this single minded focus won't last forever - just until we are 'stable'. Just until we AREN'T living from paycheck to paycheck. Just until we can actually depend mostly on ourselves, and don't HAVE to have a huge amount of money to just LIVE.

Gah. I might be UTTERLY crazy. This might be another Y2K. But - it makes way too much sense - esp. considering what is going on ALL around us - to simply brush off.

Wolf At the Door
LATOC

 

 

 

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In Other, More Cheerful News:

It's officially been a month since I quit smoking. I've smoked *thinks* twice? since then - once in Atlanta (I think that is why I got so damn sick) and I smoked a clove at the Pagan Pride Festival. Both times, Bleh. It was like - and WHY the hell did I used to do this daily, multiple times a day? It's actually been easier than I thought it would be - I do still crave a cig occasionally - but that's all it is. A hmm - I'd love to have a smoke, but *shrugs* oh well.

It's still odd to only have one cat. G has become MUCH more affectionate and talkative, and I think he's finally accepted the fact that Nikki is gone. *sigh* I still the occasionally free kitten offer, and I consider it, but rather like the cig, I decide against it.

My job is duller than a box of rocks, and most of the time is twice as slow, and my coworkers - well, they are different. But, ya know what? I'm making good money, doing what I'm good at - I've got time to write, I've got time to look at houses, and I'm doing well. Life ain't never perfect, right?

C is still enjoying his job - though he is running into some personality conflicts as well. I swear, I WILL break down in tears if he loses yet another job. Seriously.

Haven't come to a conclusion on Birth control - we owe the doctors money somehow (weird ass health insurance) and I reufse to go back until I've paid her. But in the meantime, I want to talk to C about the Billings method, where you keep an eye on your cervical mucus. Seems - interesting, and easy, and doesn't reuqire you to wake up at the same time every day.

I've fallen in love with my DayTimer plamner thingy. My life is in there - seriously . I keep track of all KINDS of stuff - and it's roomy enough that I've got more than enough room to write - but small enough that it cuddles into my pocketbook nicely.

I'm starting to do budget grocery shopping using a pricebook, but I want/need an electronic one that can be held on my palmpilot. I stopped using it a while ago - shortly after the last diet debacle if I remember right, and - I'm trying to charge it now, and hoping that the thing isn't TOTALLY dead. Ah! Just came on - must have needed a certain level of charge.

But, speaking of dead technolgy, my personal damn laptop has died AGAIN.  This time, I think the backlight of the screen has gone out. What I might do is what I threatened to do last time, and just get a damn monitor to hook up to it, and detach the screen alltogether. I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

I think I'll be around a little more, now that I've gotten that off of my chest. Gah, I've got a shitload of catching up to do.

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Updates....

Been doing some navelgazing (more like mad researching) and have settled rather comfortably into acceptance of the fact that at our current income, if prices keep going up, we won't be able to afford the life we lead now. It's odd, but I'm perfectly okay with that - and actually trying to gear up and prepare for the challenge.

So - put together a budget, and found (much to me & C's shock) that we can actually be DEBTFREE in a year! A YEAR! and - we will still have a healthy sum of money to live off of. We should have enough money to live off of that if we CAN'T live off of that money, we seriously need to bring our spending into check.

I had my last cigarette yesterday. I pop a 'Zyban' twice a day, and sport an absolutely hideous 'nicotine patch' on my left shoulder. The reason they are both in quotes is because I'm part of a Quit Smoking Study, and as it's a blind study, one of them could easily be a placebo - or I could be getting double doses of the real stuff. Anyone who take Zyban - do the pills SMELLL to high heaven? I mean - damn, these suckers STINK. Thankfully, they have no taste.  So far - the hardest bit has been while driving - I'm so used to puffing through at least half of my 20 minute commute home. I'm popping a cinnamon tictac to make up for it - so far, not too bad. Work has been a breeze - I've told my coworkers I've quit - so they are leaving me alone. Had a BIT of a headache on and off all day - but I'm trying to suck down massive quantities of water to make up for it.

I need to find the Farmers Market everybody keeps telling me about - I suspect that it's no where near midtown, and really - I'm the kind of person who will balance whether the distance I drive for cheaper/better/fresher veggies is really worth the gas. I also need to check out the EasyWay store I drive by on my way home and see what sort of stuff they have. If it's fresh and locally grown, that ight be good enough. But the Farmers Market most likely has stuff like eggs and cheese and all the other yummy stuff that comes from farms. Is it year round? Most likely not - rather defeats the purpose of a Farmers Market if half the food isn't local.

I'm mulling over going back on Atkins at the end of this month. The quitting smoking  is a health plus, but if my ass gets any fatter that will dissolve into a minus. And I'm not quite fatalistic to think - hmmm..... future food stores! No - I don't think it'll get that damn bad. Suprisingly enough, I've noticed that I have a very small appetite. I tend to skip breakfast, and lunch, and will eat a few bites for dinner - and it's mainly because I'm truly NOT hungry. Huh. I wonder if I could be in ketosis any damn way. Hmmmm......

All but one page on the website is done - my philosophy page. I'm struggling with hitting the right balance between - I will fight to the END for what you want and - Sometimes, you have to do what you would rather NOT do....Eh. It's taking me a while, but it's almost ready.  Scared again am I - I'm such a wuss ass. Terrified of my own fucking light. *sigh*

In other side business news, I think I may have worked through one of the biggest kinks in my 'other' business idea. If I can find a cheap (but nice) selection of thin elastic cord, I'll be in business - literally. hmmm.... I wonder when Pagan Pride Day is, and if I could make enough to try and have a booth?? *tsk* I need to come up with some bead designs.....

So....I'm pretty involved/preoccupied with my real world life - and I can tell, as my rate of involvement with my online world has slacked greatly. eh - I go through cycles....

So, how ya'll doin?

I've always been.....

a not so material person. A simple person, almost.  Which may be a side effect of me being amazingly cheap, but I think that it serves me well. We usually have enough to live on - a little extra for fun.  And of course, I could have much, much, much more extra to live on if I wasn't quite so enourmously anal about escaping the little bit of debt I've incurred as rapidly as possible. And - that actually makes me feel better about not living a life of luxury - because I'm choosing it, I suppose. But - there's always been a - deep grinding feeling in me that living with a high amount of debt is dangerous. Not foolhardy, not risky, but simply dangerous. That - incurring debt for a newer car, or a designer pair of shoes goes far beyond fiscal foolishness and starts to waver close to the edge of out and out fiscal suicide.
Of course, it might be how  I grew up - living off of welfare, and WIC, and the occasional odd job my stepfather deemed worthy, and that briefly adventourously terrifying episode of homelessness. So - living ABOVE my means - esp. as I've gotten older - has become - instinctively scary. Ya'll all remember the long tirades I went on as I was 'debating' buying an Ipod. And - mind you - that was EXTRA money. Basically gift money, and I had a very hard time 'gifting' myself.
Gah. I'm rambly, because I've been thrown a little off kilter (and a little on track) by this.  It's about a phenomenom called 'Peak Oil'. The basic concept is that oil production - like most things - operates on a bell curve. Currently, we (as a world) are hitting the downslope of oil production all over the world - and - it's not renweable - and we are too far away from having REAL,  CHEAP, TRANSPORTABLE alternative fuel sources to carry us through. The really - creepy part (which I never even thought about) is that everything - Everything - EVERYTHING - that we use to LIVE on uses oil to be produced. EVERYTHING ya'll.
It's scary enough to be nutty, and logical enough to make perfect sense, esp. considering the swiftly sliding increases in gas prices. I mean - hm. Those alone have - shook me up. I'm not THAT old, and I remember gas being 99 cents a gallon. I'd be suprised if gas was UNDER 3.00 a gallon by Thanksgiving.
So. I'm thankful that I'm not a material person. I'm thankful that I'm training to be a midwife because two things will reamin constant - no matter what.  People will be born, and people will die. I'm thankful that I'm crazy about paying off my debts so that I can start to BUILD a true nest egg. I'm thankful that my fear of debt has held me back from buying a house. I'm - rather relieved actually.

And I'm nervous as hell. It might not happen while I'm alive (for which I would be throughly thankful - though guilty about leaving that kind of mess in the hands of my kids) but it's going to happen.

*shudder*