Book Lovers....

1)To what magazines do you subscribe?
*thinks* Popular Photography and Ms.

2)What magazines do you not subscribe to, but for some reason find yourself picking up at the grocery store while you're standing in line for the register?
*hangs head in shame* Cosmopolitan. For some reason I WON’T subscribe to it, but I buy it every single month. And some home design magazines… they are not worth buying on the regular.

3) In what book(s) do you currently have bookmarks (‘bookmarks’ include stray envelopes, pictures or sheets of toilet paper)?
Actually I don’t use bookmarks…but the book I’m reading right now is called “The Sacred Pool”…can’t remember who it is by

4) What was the last book you finished?
“Like Water for Chocolate”. I had a taste for some flan over the weekend and I started reading it looking for flan recipes.

5) What is your favorite "children's" book or series?
Ummm…I love all of Shel Silverstein's books… but as for a certain novel? Most likely Encyclopedia Brown…or Dr. Seuss. I haven’t read a ‘kids’ book in so long…

6) What is your favorite "teen" book or series?
Umm it would have to be the David Starr series by Isaac Asimov… without a doubt.

7) If you were stranded on a deserted island with only three books, what would you want them to be?
THREE? Not even three series? *sighs* The Tokaido Road by Lucia St.Clair-Robsen, (I can read that book repeatedly), The Parables by Octavia Butler (inspiration) and “The Dummies Guide to getting the HELL off of a Deserted Island” by somebody… as soon as it gets published.

8) What two authors -- dead or alive -- would you like to meet?
Umm.. .Nikki Giovanni and Octavia Butler. Both living, Ms. Giovanni is a wonderful poet, and Ms. Butler is an excellent science fiction writer.

9) If you were to become a best-selling author, what kind of books would you write?
Science fiction or fantasy or romance… but most likely some sweet intermingling of the three

10) About how many books do you own?
*LOL* Oh my…ummm Here in Indy I have close to 200…in Philly I have close to *thinks* 300-400??

11) How many of those are books you borrowed and "forgot" to return?
*grins* Sadly enough…I only have a few fiction books that I ‘forget’ to return. Most of my absconded books are computer/networking books.

12) What books do you own that you haven't read, including coffee-table books?
*thinks* The above mentioned computer/networking books.

13) What book would your friends be surprised to know that you own and have read?
None. My friends expect me to have read damn near everything.

14) What book were you surprised that you enjoyed?
None actually… I expect to enjoy most books. And the ones I don’t think I will like, I tend not to read, unless they have been recommended to me.

15) What book were you surprised that you disliked?
Paradise by Toni Morrison. Her prose is SOOO convoluted.

16) Name a book you've read that was made into a movie you actually liked.
Ugh. Ummm….Charlotte’s Web. They didn’t screw that one up to badly.

17) What's on your 01 reading list?
Oh mercy… I don’t make reading lists. I just go to the library and browse. Although I do plan on making a list of all the authors in Sword and Sorceresses and then rank them by how much I liked their stories and then go and find any books that they may have written.

That was FUN!!!

Stay Jazzed.

Ways of the World

The first time I read this, I wasn't sure whether it was funny or sad. Funny...to see the guy get his comeuppance...or sad for the simple fact that I can SEE something like this happening. Read...discuss amongst yourselves....

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"

The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."


Stay Jazzed.

Ways of the World

The first time I read this, I wasn't sure whether it was funny or sad. Funny...to see the guy get his comeuppance...or sad for the simple fact that I can SEE something like this happening. Read...discuss amongst yourselves....

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"

The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."


Stay Jazzed.

Survey.....

This is a survey stolen from IceChica who stole it from Tempest…who… Oh you get the idea.

If you were to complete the phrase "A life without love", how would you finish it?
…can get pretty damn lonely. (I’m assuming no love at all… not just romantic love)

If you had to name the most sensual part of your own body, what would you pick?
Ummmm I’m a freak… I think my wrists are simply the most sensual fascinating part of my body. Then the ankles…then my ass. : )

If you wanted to non-verbally signal to your lover in public that you wanted to make love, how would you do it? *grins* Heavy hooded bedroom eyes and a very slow licking of my lips with just the TINIEST bit of tongue…*RAWLLLL * I’mma have to try that one day.

If you could grab the buttocks of someone famous, whose would you grab?
*thinks* Jennifer Lopez. I just have to see if her booty is as juicy as it looks.

If from now on you could only have sex at a certain time of the day, when would it be?
9:23 pm. I’m home… relaxed.. not sleepy yet…no longer really full from dinner *nods* yup

If you were to define "kinky," how would you do it?
Almost anything other than puritanical sex. *grins*

If you had to involve (directly) one type of food in your next sexual act, what would it be?
Errr… strawberries. *giggles* EWWWWW… I have SUCH a dirty mind!!

If you could try one thing in bed that you’ve never done, what would it be?
Damn… I can’t think of anything that I have never done. Maybe two bi guys who were totally into me AND each other. THAT would be interesting.

If you could have lost your virginity to someone you have met since, who would it be?
Huh. Oddly enough I would have to say *thinks* JEH. Before he fucked up so royally he treated me just about the best of everybody…except my Cheffy. I didn’t say him cuz…if we had met while I was still a virgin his freakiness would have had me running.

If you were to name the sexiest part of your mate’s body, what would it be?
*Grins* His earlobes. And the fuzzy soft sexy sideburn that is right next to it… In fact the whole section of the side of his face… from the ears alll the way to his neck. Why? Mainly cuz of the lovely moaning groaning soft sexy sounds he makes when I kiss it. : )

If you were to name the one part of your body you most like to touch, what would it be?
My belly oddly. I don’t have a tight belly… so I tend to be jumpy about other people touching it…but I love to rub my belly… it’s very relaxing. More relaxing than playing with my hair.

If you had to name the biggest turn-on you have experienced in the history of your sex life, what would it be?
*thinks* ummmm *LOL* Actually my first kiss… 1) We were in public 2) He was an almost stranger 3) I was playing hooky from school ANYWAY… the danger and the sexiness of it just got me going. There started my love for PDA.

If you were to name the most romantic moment in your life so far, what would you say?
*grins* When my first bf in college came back from Christmas break and told me that he had broke up with his Hometown Honey to be with me. I later found out that he was a crock of shit… but stilll it was lovely.

If you could have changed one thing about the first time you had sex, what would you alter?
*thinks* His freaking ROOM would have been bigger. Losing your viginity in a spot roughly the size of a breadbox is just NO fun at all.

If you were to think of a famous couple about whom you would say, "What on earth are they doing together?," who would it be?
None… I’m not too into famous people.

If you had to choose the best music to make love to, what would you pick?
“Seven Moments in Love” by the Art of Noise… just HEARING that song turns me on.

If, for the rest of your life, you could achieve an instant orgasm by being touched on one particular spot on your body, where would you want it to be?
*YOUCH* A single touch? Even if accidental? Hmm…*LOL* Me clit. Then I would PROMPTLY go and get it pierced… YOWWWW!!!

If you could hear one barnyard sound every time you had an orgasm, what would it be?
*LOL* ummm *thinks* a Cat meowing….

If you had to smell one food every time you had sex, for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Food?? Ummm….Mango.

If you were to repeat the most romantic thing anyone has written to you in a letter, what would it be, and by whom?
Hm…don’t think I have ever gotten any romance letters…maybe a couple of cards… but thas it. I really can’t remember.

If you had to pick the most romantic moment in any film from history, what would you say?
*Thinks* ummmmm..no clue. Though I thought the interaction between Chris and Rita on “Silk Stalkings” was the MOST romantic thing ever. Watching them just made me want to go and fall in love.

If you were to repeat the funniest nicknames you have ever heard for each of the private parts, what would they be?
Ummm… that I don’t know. I tend to be really.. *clears throat* blunt in my names. The only thing I won’t say is ‘twat’ yeech!

If you could decorate one room (secretly if you prefer) in your house, solely devoted to your erotic life, what would you put in it?
Naked pictures of me…and all the people I have ever slept with. Lots of HOT stories. A listing of all the best erotic websites and a huge screen computer to watch/read them on. A huge pillow bed…lots of sexy oils and toys and fans and…odds & ends.

If you were to select the moment in your life when you looked the sexiest, when would it be?
My senior prom pictures. I looked TOTALLY hot.

If you were to pick a moment when your mate looked the sexiest they ever have, when would it be?
Umm…THE sexiest… man.. he is so sexy on a regular basis… he looks the most innocent when he is sleep.. he looks so much like a little boy… goatee and all.

La La LaLa LA LAAA....LA LA la la laaaaa

I’m joining the Camera Club at work. I figure that way I can have some outside support and guidance for my photography. I have this lovely tripod that Chef gave me that I have yet to use…and I feel a need to.. *shrugs* expand I guess. I have been reading about people catching sudden episodes of wanderlust lately.. and I can feel the start of that infection in me. I wanna get out… go.. just wander about with no real goal in mind but to SEE what’s around me. Something tells me that once I get my car, I will be doing a lot of that. Just wandering…hopping in my car after work, opening the sunroof and rolling down the windows and just going. Driving around the city…maybe going to the ‘country’ and gazing at the stars… just being GONE And as spring is coming up, that is just adding to the urge. Saturday… it was perfect. Wonderfully warm, a little breezy and smelling like all kinds of fresh growing things. I’m eager to start putting together my garden. *sighs* I don’t know how I am going to actually get the stuff to my house… but ahhh… I’ll figure something out.
: ) My mommy likes my furniture. I love the magic of email. *sighs* I’m not sure how long I should let the furniture people go before I call them up about when I will get my stuff delivered. The TV repair man came by Saturday too… fixed the TV and then about ½ hour later, the damn thing broke again. So…. This Saturday they are bringing me a new one. *grins* Yayyyyy!! I think I am actually gonna get away with this. Not that I am really getting AWAY with anything per-se. *sly grin* Just getting a bit of a discount. Kinda like paying invoice instead of MSRP for a car. *LOL* Oh man…. My mom is starting to date (finally…after *thinks* over 10 years of no smurfing…. DAMN!!!) and it’s interesting as she is trying to date the Muslim way, which is damn near a contradiction in terms…but I’m glad she is doing it cuz she deserves to be happy. Well… the first guy was an almost total loss. *grins* Exceedingly anal he was…a bit too much of a number cruncher.. he had crunched a lot of the small joys out of his life. A Baby Scrooge is what he was. She just had me on the phone nearly dying of laughter… *shakes head* no WAY they would have worked out. I wonder if I should tell her about the magic of meeting people online (as she is playing and getting comfy with her new computer) or if I should just wait and see if she finds that for herself. : ) Can I say again that I LOVE my mommy?
I’m distinctly not going to talk about my health. *shrugs* I’m healthier than a lot of people are…and that’s all I have to say about that.
*grins* And I smurfed. : ) *groans* Man it is AMAZING what two weeks of no smurfing will do to you after a long period of time when smurfing was had on a regular. *sighs* Yes yes…it was two days short of the deadline but I figured HEY! Will two days realllllly make THAT much of a difference? Nah… I didn’t think so either. And besides…. He is SUCH a hunka hunka muffin.
Hmmm.. what else is going on that is full of joy for me? Oh yeah… I LOVE my hair. It’s interesting right now.. kinda fuzzy and mildly unruly… but it behaves itself enough so that I don’t feel odd or unprofessional coming to work. And it’s growing like mad…and it’s so so so soft…*sighs* so wonderful. *shivers* ahhhhh…..smurfing.
*grins* I’m such a feminist. *LOL* and it’s no fun with Chef because he firmly tries to avoid getting into any conversation/debate with me about feminism…mainly cuz he knows it will be a losing battle, and secondly because he KNOWS it will be a losing battle. We had a mini debate/conversation about double standards that are embedded in most people. : ) Mainly because of a comment he made about someone being a slut in a porno. Now, while the fact may be true that she WAS… I just wanted to point out the fact that the assumption was that SHE was a slut… wile the guy who was fucking her was not. *raised eyebrow* Takes two to tango… always. Speaking of which… we watched some that was ever so much better than the other stuff. Either the ladies were really enjoying themselves or they were simply excellent actors. *shakes head* umph. The sex industry… it’s so fascinating to me.. but… *thinks* shadowy at the same time. I know that it has levels to it… from the totally seamy to the totally elegant…but it seems like seaminess always wins out. Urgh.

Stay Jazzed.

Yaaaayyyy!!

Weelllllllll…good and bad all together. I got my furniture…well ordered it and paid for it… which to me just means I know have to wait for it to get delivered, and I am overjoyed. I ended up getting all four pieces ( the couch, the loveseat, the chair and the ottoman) and I figured that if it is too crowded in my living room, I will just move the chair into my bedroom. I REALLY wanted that chair. : ) I also got this reallly cute coffee table (glass & wood & chrome) and a end table. If anyone wants to see what the set looks like this is it . These are the tables . Cool huh?? Since that set that wasn’t in stock, god only knows how long I will have to wait before it gets here… but that is just gonna look SOOOO hot in my house. *wiggles* Yeah Yeah Yeah.
On the not so hot side….I am getting sick again. I swear I think my immune system is just SHOT. I have been sick *thinks* almost four times… and I have a UTI… which I am taking antibiotics for, and I STILL got sick. *sighs* And as it has been concentrated in my throat, maybe I have tonsillitis. *laughs* I was considering getting a book about hypochondriacs, but I really don’t think that I am one. I am just someone who is very aware of the fact that her body is being screwy. *sighs* I don’t know…
I hate not having a car.. really I do. It took me close to 4 hours to go to the furniture place, get the furniture and get back home….and I wasn’t in the furniture store for anymore than *thinks* 45 minutes MAX. *sighs* And the place really wasn’t THAT far away. The silly lady at the bus place gave me really really reallly baad directions so I ended up walking like 2 miles more than I needed to get to the store, and then as I was leaving found the ‘short cut’ that I could have took. Then I had to wait on the reallly dark corner right next to a big old abandoned field for the bus.. and it was just icky. And it was cold. : ( But I was still kinda okay with it cuz I got my STUFF!!! I spent like 1500.00…which really wasn’t too bad for everything. *grins* I’m happy. But sick so that makes me sad. I think that I might go home early today… even though I got here later than usual…but I feel really really sucky.
Cheffy was there when I got back last night.. knocked out in front of Smackdown! *lol* I’m not sure what he was doing all day to get him that damn tired.. but whatever is was…wow. It’s weird, because I didn’t grow up around people who drank…but…*shrugs* I don’t know. I don’t like beer. It stinks and it (to me) carries with it drunks-on-the-street and totally-violent-male-idiots connotations, so to date somebody who loves beer is.. odd. I’m trying to tone down my jumpy reaction… and realize that he is a good wonderful person, and drinking a few beers after work ain’t gonna change that. Still… *sighs* I don’t know. *re-reads that* I don’t know if he was drunk and that is why he was crashed… it was just… *shrugs* Odd I guess. Another thing… I really want to meet his brothers. I’m not so sure about his mom & grandmom…and I know that his dad is out of the question…but I would like to meet his brothers. Since he gets to see them so rarely… I think I would feel like I would be dividing his attention between his bothers and me if I ever went back to IttyBittyHomeTown with him to visit. *shrugs* I don’t know. And I am not even sure how to broach the subject cuz I KNOW how much that he loves his brothers… and well he might not want ME to meet them. Urgh. I never had this problem with my other relationships…

Stay Jazzed

With Arms Wide Open - Porn, Money and Men

Well… it’s been an interesting day in the world of OD. I have been drifting through my favorites (which have most likely swelled to close to 80 now) and BOYYY are there some… true and uniquely *clears throat* shall we say interesting people out there. I found a couple of entries on racism, a lovely diatribe about Republicans, and a collection of diaries who seem to get some kind of perverse 5th grade pleasure out of bitching about another diarist.

*shakes head* Humans are demented sometimes…but hm. I have been reading Dune again, and one of the things that the Bene Gesserit tested for was whether or not people were humans or if they were just people. Humans had an awareness of themselves and others, levels of understanding of themselves and respect for themselves and the world around them. At the same time…they were able to live and let live. So I want to change that and say that people are demented sometimes. Humans are what we should all strive to be. Okay… now that I have delicately skirted the edge of eugenics… let’s move in my life shall we?

Talked to ThatGuy again last night. It was an interesting conversation. I felt like I was talking to some guy I gave my number to and we were trying to feel each other out. It really wasn’t to bad.. but as I am totally keeping my emotions about on the surface, I refuse to dwell on it for too long. We are supposed to hook up on March 14, between me being in ATL and him being in New Orleans…but it seems like it will be interesting.
*sighs* I made bread yesterday… it’s came out okay, but no where NEAR how good I remember bread being. Maybe I am rushing it and not letting it rise enough… I don’t know. It just smells so dang wonderful. *shrugs* and James Beard, as wonderful as his cookbooks can be, simply SUCKS when it comes to giving you the whys and what-for’s of stuff.
Cheffy went to his apartment last night and it was sooo odd not having him there. *shrugs* I guess I will get used to it eventually.
I watched some movie that was subtitled, and was all about three families. Jewish, Muslim and Sicilian that lived in La Goulette…which I think was in South Italy. I THINK…. It was really good and funny though. Because of that I didn’t get half way near enough sleep… but I’m okay for today.
Also last night I watched some really really soft porn called ‘Black Hot Bodies’ which was mainly a bunch of artificially augmented black women dancing badly to god knows what music and dubbed over by bad 70’s porn music. Why oh why does porn always come with the cheeeseist of soundtracks? Why couldn’t it be the REAL music that strippers dance to and folx smurf to? I KNOW that yucky stuff is not what they are listening to while they do it…so why do we have to listen to them while we watch them do it? *shrugs*
Anyhow… I made an interesting discovery while watching them… I reallllly don’t wanna be THAT skinny. I mean god… these sistas had NO flesh on their bones. I like my hips and my ass and my tig ole bitties…in fact there are only a couple of spots on my body that I wish were smaller. Hm….tummy tuck maybe? I think that is one of the reasons why I have such a hard time sticking to a diet… I actually like MOST of my body…I wanna keep my curves and the swoops and the soft spots that make me feel feminine. Another thing I noticed was that most of the time, fake tits are the MOST unnatural looking things in the world. I’m not sure if they just went to bad surgeons.. or if that is how they actually WANTED to look.. but yyeeechhh… and I am not even going to START talking about the fake ass weaves… *rolls eyes* I know there is a certain ‘standard’ that folx in the sex industry have to live up to… but UGH…. don’t men really want to see REAL women and not pinched, plastic and just ugghhy imitations of women? Another thing I wondered (though a while ago) was that how can I woman get into a porno (men never seem to have this problem) and get paid for having sex… and NOT look like they are enjoying it? I mean to me.. it seems like in order to get into porn in the first place, you REALLLLY have to enjoy sex. I mean to take a job that requires you to fuck varied numbers, sizes and types of men on a regular basis should mean that you at least DIG having sex…and even if it starts to be old hat you still remember how to fake it. But noo….I have seen some women in pornos who look like they are taking Queen Elizabeth’s advice – “ Just lay there and think of the country”. *sighs* Maybe I need to get… um I mean watch *laughs* (I refuse to buy porn unless it is Pay per View...never found anything worth spending money on) some of the porn that is directed and written by women. I know I have a different out look on sex than.. actually… sometimes I tend to have a different outlook on sex than most women that I know… so that theory might have just gone down the drain. There is this video store around the corner from me that rent’s porn….maybe I will go and try some out.
And on a totally unrelated topic (seriously) I got some druggggss from my doctor last night. For some reason I’m having a hard time swallowing pills.. *shrugs* my gag reflex seems to have returned. Then again that just might be because I am trying to take them dry.
I talked to girly with the furniture and I am going to get my stuff tonight tonight tonight. I don’t know how long it will be before I can actually get it, but at least they have it available. I’m not sure if I want to get the whole set (couch, loveseat, chair and ottoman) or if I will not get the loveseat. *smiles* I’m excited cuz I can easily afford to get the whole set if I wanted to.. I just don’t know if it will all fit into my house. : ) It has most certainly taken me long enough. I’m going home to pick up my floor chart, change my shoes, find my scarf and gloves, and maybe grab a book, and then I am off for the hour ride to the furniture store. *sighs* I still have way too much time left here. But at least it is THURSDAY…. Which means that tomorrow is my favoritest day of the week… : ) and we ALLLL know what day THAT is. : ) And on Saturday the people are coming to hopefully fix my TV. If they can’t fix it perfectly I am just gonna take it back. *sighs* and drop the other 150 that it would take for me to get a brand new TV of the same size. Hmmm…. I’ll have to think about it. I am off. Maybe I will go to emode.com and find some new personality test that I have not taken….

Stay Jazze

Down Down baby...Down down the rollercoaster

*sighs* Okay… Up & Down and UP & Down. ARGHHH!!! I swear this whole furniture thing is about to drive me bbbaaattttttyyy. Yeah…that would be triply bats. : ) Anyhow…I went to Value City… (that would be the furniture store) and of course.. just my FREAKING luck….they didn’t carry the furniture in the store…the salesman (Andy) told me that they were going to be ordering it though. Well & good. So I call the store today, and another salesman tells me that VC has decided to stop carrying that line. Aint that just the way it always is? So of course I was completely and totally and utterly crushed. Even more crushed than I was when I walked into VC and didn’t see the set on the floor. But I figured there is always hope, and so I got the name of the manufacturer, hopped online, found their website, found who else in this area sold their stuff, and started calling around. *sighs* So…. I have three places lined up that carry it, I am about to do some comparison shopping, and then I am going to GET MY DAMN FURNITURE. *deep breath* Well… obviously I am doing all this at work.. but as there is nothing breathing down my damn back.. I don’t feel bad at all.
Hmmm.. otherwise going on in my life. I am a member (for now) in Da House ( a really twisted, full of sexual innuendoes, online, Open Diary, version of Big Brother being run by Starsky ) and thus I have to at least TRY to document the ups and down of my life so I won’t get kicked out for non-payment of rent or something like that. *laughs* Anyhow… work is odd. One second I feel like there is nothing to do.. the next second I’m slapping myself upside the head for all the shit I haven’t done, didn’t know I needed to do, and is due tomorrow, and then the next second (once it’s done) I’m like damn.. what can I do now again…. *sighs* Realllllly aggravating is what it is. And I can’t even do home and smurf with my Cheffy… as I am not allowed to smurf for another *counts on fingers* five days and the natives are getting verrah verrah restless. *sighs* Last night it was almost ALLLLLL over. *sighs & growls* ARGH! And as we see soo much of each other (he damn near lives with me but he doesn’t really as he still has an apartment of his own…that he so so rarely goes to…and I don’t mind in the least. Scary huh?) that the fact that we can’t go all the way is driving me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!! I have never felt like this as I have always been a hot ass….and when I wanted somebody was never really one to ‘wait’ so the fact that I have to wait is amazing and sucky. Anyhow… it’s really cool that we are still flaming for each other. I know it has been only 6 months… but man have those six months gone by FAST. It’s really amazing.
*screams* Okay… he is really starting to freak me out. I’m so freaking conflicted about this whole thing. My father just called me. *thinks* He is gonna be ThatGuy from now on. We are gonna meet on the 14th. Eek. It’s odd because I don’t know what the hell I want… I feel like I’m pushing and pulling at the same time… a scary up & down roller coaster ride that makes no sense to me and gives me a headache every time I thnk about it. I still haven’t told my momma that he was at my graduation. That totally weirded ME out…but I need to beat it out with someone else. Maybe I will sit down and talk to Cheffy about it… I don’t know. It’s a serious conflict of my heart and my head that I can’t even define much less try to explain and accept it…. *sighs* This is going to be like the ultimate in testing my letting go and going with the flow skills. Though as my momma said I once told her… “Only dead fish go with the flow”. *sighs*
What was I talking about? Oh. Cheffy and my lack of sex. Argh. *grins* Though it is going to be loads upon loads upon loads of fun when I finally CAN let go and get some.. yum yum.
*sighs* On to other slightly less juicy topics… I REALLLLLY need to do my hair. My roots are starting to show something terrible… and I just haven’t felt like doing it. The fact that I have been coming to work at 6 am almost every morning for the past two weeks may have something to do with it… but then I haven’t felt like doing much of anything. I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet.. .but that is cuz I want to be 200% sure that I have enough money for my furniture before I blow anymore of it on food. We are’nt even going to GET into the 150.00 dinner I kinda made for Chef’s birthday. Oh yeah.. I never did write about how that went. IT went good.. for some reason I tend to have the WORST luck with romantic interludes….so I wasn’t the least bit surprised that he got home later than I expected him… and full too. *sighs* But anyhow.. he loved the T-shirt ( the same one we had a majorly minor row over) the of course liked the cologne… but he truly flipped out over the Undertaker poster. *LOL* He was just a reallllly tall kid at that point. Screaming & yelling like he had just hit the lottery. Hell… he might have been calmer if he HAD hit the lottery. I considered getting some sexy sexy lingeree to top the night off… but figured that would just be cruel to the both of us as we can’t smurf. So I think I might save that for “SmurfFest 01” that may occur on 2/26/01…the day before Mardi Gras. How appropriate. Hmm.. that will be an excuse to go shopping again…. Hmmmmm….. : ) How is it that everything I talk about winds back around to sex somehow?? Talk about sex on the brain. Umph…. I have plenty to say today….
*taps fingers impatiently* hmmm.. these furniture people haven’t called me back yet. I have got to be like the LEAST patient person alive…especially when it comes to getting what I want WHEN I want it. *sighs* and I want it NOW NOW NOW. I could link that back to sex…. But I won’t *LOL* Okay… I just called one spot that I had left a message for and got some prices… even cheaper. *rubs hands delightedly* ohhhh… how I love to bargain shop. : ) I may have to boycott VC after this… like I boycotted Sears for a while. *sniffs* Lie to ME will they.

Okay… I’m going now… for now. *sighs* Call me BACK George!! *lol* I’m cheerful…..

Naming Myself

This is an interesting little name interpreter that I found through someone else’s diary. The link is: Name Search , and you can make five free searches before they try to get you to pay for it. This is the interpretation/meaning they gave to may name. I was kinda surprised that they had my first name in the database, as it is not a ‘average’ name. This is really me too… : ) I guess my name HAS shaped me some. My momma would be pleased.

My First Name(Old English)

~ meaning ~
Knowledgeable

~ motivation ~
Endeavours to succeed

~ character ~
A responsible person

~ feelings ~
Someone whose feelings run deep

~ intelligence ~
Is academically gifted

~ spiritual ~
Is uncomplicated in their beliefs

~ nature ~
Is caring and considerate

~ inherent ~
You are regardful of others




My Middle Name(Arabic)

~ meaning ~
Living, prosperous

~ motivation ~
Tries to correct injustices

~ character ~
Is forthright and honest

~ feelings ~
Always in control of their emotions

~ intelligence ~
Is intelligent and wise

~ spiritual ~
Has brightness within

~ nature ~
An inquisitive person

~ inherent ~
Shows qualities of a nimble mind

Father (?) of mine..

Well...isn't this just fascinating. Not sure how I feel about it. Hm.

Dear Jazzy, I want to thank you for your card and consideration. Life is such an incredible series of seemingly random events that I thank God for the opportunity to see what each new day brings. With that in mind, I read your card and smiled. I feel your uncertainty because I too have felt the deep bewilderment of our situation. My history with you is like a book with several chapters of blank pages but undeniably a book to be created, read, and experienced. Yes, I am your father and you are my child and I am very interested in learning about you as Jazzy the person .I want to start filling in those blank pages. I must confess that my distance and subsequent silence has been a mixture of fear, denial, and hope. Fear that I would hurt you or get hurt by my own longstanding ignorance of what I have missed in not knowing you. I have experienced what I would call a classic case of the denial- of my shortcomings, failures, and unrealized success- in dealing with how great a person you have become. My hope-the source of my smile while reading your card-was realized in the sense of knowing what your feeling and how I am so willing to reciprocate. I am so proud of you and the things I've heard from various sources over the years. I also want to thank you and your mother for the invitation to your graduation. I showed up on pure adrenaline with the purpose of seeing you walk across the stage. It didn't dawn on me that I needed a ticket to get in so I watched the proceedings from the overflow room on a monitor. I didn't stay for the entire ceremony because I wasn't prepared to see you, your family, and friends on one of the happiest days of your life and be a potential embarrassment to the entire affair. So I slipped back into the darkness of my silence and prayed for the next opportunity to come. So you're right the third time is a charm and I would love to see you. I am scheduled to come to Indianapolis March 14th-17th for a conference and would like to schedule time to meet with you. As far as the business card is concerned-nicely done! With your credentials they are lucky to have you. I look forward to hearing from you and I pray that we can create great future together.

Peace and Love,

That Guy

Thems the Peaks

The only time I really appreciate my mood swings are when they catapult me into the realm of amazing feel-good-ishness. It’s vaguely like being high.. be totally of my own creation. *smiles* Feeling totally at peace, like my mind and my body have forgiven each other totally. I don’t hurt.. my hands, feet, ankles or stuff. I am….so gone to be completely sober, and it kinda makes me sad because I know that this wonderful wonderful feeling won’t last for long.. and mercy help me but I’m at work which means I can’t get too much pleasure out of it ANYWAY. *smiles* Ah well.. I get to be trippy for a little while at least.

Me & Chef went out to a Japanese place last night (ummm..suuushi!!!!) and had enormous amounts of fun. : ) I wasn’t sure how much of a mood to go out I was gonna be in, but after a nice 2 hour nap I was raring to go. We had sake…and MAN! That stuff packs a serious punch. It tastes rather like white wine, but boy oh boy. To be stuff an itty bitty lil bit, that stuff hits you hard and fades rather nicely. So of course we were quite the two giggles boxes. : ) Maybe my joy right now is a residual from that gigglemania.

Umm… I’m nervous. I’m going to get my furniture tonight, and if they don’t have it *sighs* I am gonna be so so so grumpy. But I might find something else instead. *crosses fingers hopefully* I have a lot more money left (after paying bills) than I thought I would, which is a side effect of paying the minimums this month instead of the hundred or so dollars extra that I usually pay every month. So, I’m pretty sure that I will be able to find SOMETHING that I can live with. *sighs*
I’m remarkably bored today. I actually HAD something to do, but then messing around with installing a new GUI broke the connection that I had to part of the system that I needed to test, so basically I’m screwed. Now I’m sitting here reading old Salon articles…getting upset and exulted in turn. Hm. My new issue of Ms. should be coming soon. I can’t wait.

Stay Jazzed.

P.S. My stuff don’t hurt no more…. : )

All the women..who independent....

Addendum to Ouchy Stuff:
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention the fact that AFTER he poked me and prodded me and put yucky stuff in me… he told me that I can’t have sex for two weeks. TWO freaking weeks!! ONE…TWO. ARGH!!!! *sighs* Anyway…

I’m SUCH the independent woman and stuff. I put together my entire entertainment center yesterday, alll by myself. Though I did screw upa little bit with the middle shelf piece, I managed to correct that error in a way that no-one will ever notice unless I tell them. The TV on the other hand, is acting reallly reallly flaky. The sound and picture keep fading in & out, so I don’t know if the tube is screwed up or what. *sighs* Anyhow… I have made an appointment for the service people to come out and take a look at it… but they can’t get there until the 24th. *sighs* so I am stuck with a itty bitty TV in a great big entertainment center. But hot DAMN that entertainment center looks good. *grins* Hopefully when they come out they can fix it and I can watch “No Way Out” on the big screen. : )

My grandmommy sent me a Valentine’s Day gift… a cute card and a pair of lovely silver earrings. My mommy is sending me a hundred dollars gift certificate to Pier One. : ) My family loves me… and they know me SO well. But this weekend (as I get paid tommorow) I’m going to VC and order my furniture. : ) Happy Happy Joy Joy. I would go tommorow night, but I don’t know what we are going to be doing for the date night thingy. *sighs* I spoil him soo badly. I’m hunting for Strawberry Cake recipes cuz he wants one for his birthday. *sighs* He is gonna be a big ole BRAT. Just you watch.

I’m in a good mood. Cheerful & Joyful and such. Even though my stuff stil hurts. *sighs* But I get to go home in another 20 minutes…so I can’t be but SO grumpy.

Stay Jazzed.

Ouchy Stuff and Random Stuff

Warning: This is going to be quite graphically gynecological. That’s all

My stuff hurts. *Laughs* That is what I have been thinking since yesterday after that damn examination. It was kinda cool though. I got a good & up close look at my cervix as the doctor angled the TV screen so that I could see what was going on too. Very pretty actually. *laughs* The only painful part was when he went up inside my cervix and a little into my uterus to get a sample. He said it could cramp a little. Dear god…if that was a little I am SUCH a wuss. It’s amazing how rabid my uterus is about foreign objects. Anyhow… I have two ‘odd’ spots on my cervix, and he took a biopsy of both of them so that they can be tested and figure out what’s going on. After he was done he put some insta-scab stuff on my cervix…and I think that is what is making my stuff hurt. I am very sensitive to anything inside of me…from sperm (when I was on the pill, I would HAVE to douche after sex or I would itch for the next two days) to nonoxyl-9 (I can’t let that stuff get anywhere NEAR me). *sighs* but…from the reading I have done it is most likely one of three things. 1) It’s just some odd cells, nothing much to worry about and they will go away on their own. 2) It’s some form of HPV, and considering that it is the #1 STD in the US, and 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to it… I wouldn’t be too surprised. If it is, hopefully it is the low risk kind, the kind that doesn’t lead to cervical cancer. 3) It’s cervical cancer. That might flip me out a little. Okay. Yeah. That would flip me out a lot. My auntie dies of colon cancer, and well… yeah. Cancer freaks me. Hm. I don’t know…I’m not really worried because at this point there is nothing I can do about it. The worst part will be telling Chef about what is going on. *sighs* Even though, it is starting to freak me out that I still haven’t gotten my period (naturally) and that my NP is so calm about it. To me the combination of these two things is reallllly creepy. *sighs* I don’t like it. Not at all, not at all, not at all. : (

End of Graphic stuff… for now

I re-discovered one of my old favorites today, and I’m quite thrilled. It tends to freak me out when people just vanish…not because they might be dead or something but because I just don’t know what’s going on. I don’t like suspense… Anyhow… I figured that she had just decided to withdraw from all the interesting OD stuff that was somehow connected to her, and didn’t really sweat it. It was good reading up on her again though… it’s interesting how she expresses some of the oddities that I feel sometimes in my life.

I brought an issue of Mademoiselle almost two weeks ago because they had an article in there about the ‘Quarter Life Crisis’, as in the state that mid-twenties women get into because they feel like they should have everything going for them, and even if they do they still feel somehow dissatisfied. Mind you, I still have not read any more of the article than the first few paragraphs (which I read while in the grocery store) and it is hiding somewhere in my living room. *rolls eyes* Somehow I feel very… *thinks* psychobabbly reading it because it seems like EVERYTHING has been turned into a ‘syndrome’ or something…but I am curious.
When I got home yesterday afternoon my entire apartment smells like *thinks* a huge box of LemonHeads. *laughs* The carpet was nice and fluffy clean though, so I am excited. When I get home today I should have a BA TV and my entertainment center in the living room. I didn’t move the bookshelves last night like I was supposed to…mainly because I was cramping like all get out and was just too tired in general to even move. So…I’ll have to do that today before I set up the center. *sighs* Wayyyy too many damn books, and I really just don’t feel like moving them. I knew I should have had them set up in the office when I moved there in the first place. Ah well… I’ll do it. I wonder if Chef will be there in time for him to help me move them. I’m so damn impatient I most likely won’t wait for him. *sighs* I don’t know.

Well… I have a lunch date today… even though I’m not really hungry I will go out and eat. *gag*

Stay Jazzed.

Weekend WrapUp

Well… I had a good weekend. Bartending wasn’t too bad, and I made almost a hundred bucks in tips… so even though I was there for almost 9 hours… I can’t really complain. I figured something out Sat. though…I could make some really cool friends tending bar. : ) Folx my age.. who can’t be THAT prudish if they like to drink or serve drinks… it might be interesting.

I dyed my hair before I went to go tend… I figured if I screwed up I would be able to pick something up to conceal the horror before I had to go to work. Wellll….. I have purple hair. *sighs* My hair is really really really freaking picky about the colors/tones that it will accept…and clearly reds & purples are it’s favorites. But… At least I know now that I can dye my locks with no worries. None of them are hard and crunchy (as I have heard people saying their locks get after a good dye job) and in fact it still feels just as soft and fuzzy as before. *sighs* but it’s DARK!!! I dyed it *thinks* Cinnamon Red…and it looks more like I dyed it black (finally) with super vibrant rich purple undertones. Really….my hair is burgundy.

*sighs* So… I am going to wait for a month, then try to set up an appointment with this natural hair salon so that they can bleach my hair. I want it lighter, but I am scared about doing it at home. Unlike Rein… I can see me ending up with hair that is just WAYYYY too blonde. *sighs* Golden Brown. With slight reddish undertones. That’s what I was shooting for…not … *sighs* PURPLE!
I’m going out on a date at some point this week. : ) I realllllly wanna go and get some sushi. *smacks lips* ummm WASABI…. *smacks lips some more* I love the fact that he has gotten promoted, because now he is working the day shift which means *gasps* we can actually spend some evenings together without one or the other of us being tired as hell. Hm. Maybe we will go dutch.

My carpet is getting cleaned today, my BiggAss TV and entertainment center is coming tomorrow, and I am going to go and order my furniture Friday night. Hm… if he doesn’t have to work late maybe we can get Indian instead. : ) *grins* I can’t wait… finally my apartment is going to come all together (or at least the living room/dining room) part of it. Talk about excited! I have been spending money left and right… and it is FUN FUN FUN I tell you. *sighs* Soon it will be back to the times of simple living though.

I am trying to figure out whether to give Chef some money to help him get HIS furniture. *sighs* I don’t know. I would be giving it to him because he wants it, not because I want to give it to him. And therein lies the dilemma. Should a gift be given solely because you know that the recipient will enjoy it.. or because you will enjoy giving it and the recipient will enjoy getting it? *shrugs* I don’t know… I have until the 17th to figure it out. *sighs* I already have the rest of his stuff. A T-shirt… a big ass wrestling poster that it took me since Christmas to find (gotta LOVE e-bay), some more cologne–y stuff…and I might get him a gift certificate to this comic book store that is downtown. Hm.
Maybe that will be my valentiney gift. I’m not much of a valentine chick…I hold the firm belief that it is a corporate ploy for people to spend ridiculous amounts of money and have ridiculously high expectations that warp emotions. *snorts* I don’t like it. Usually just give a card so that if the other person is all wrapped up in it… it isn’t like I just didn’t get ANYTHING at all.
Urgh. I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon for the coloscopy thing. *shudders* I think I shall hop on over to Yahoo! Health and see if I can get a good description of the process. Yeech yecch yeccccccchh. I’m not worried…really… I’m not.

Stay Jazzed.

Friday Night Partttyyyy Time.

*sighs* I have a really bad headache. Maybe the doctor’s thought that I might have allergies (yick.. yeech GROSS!!!) is true. It kinda feels like a sinus headache, but I don’t know. I mean I made it through 5 years in Atlanta which had a allergy season from March to December, and then I come further NORTH and get allergies? That would suck. Well. Humph.

Okay… I did it. I know I Shouldn’t have...but I did. I brought a 25” TV and a entertainment center. Mind you….I still don’t have my furntiure, but dammit I got me a bigger TV. I only spent 300 bucks on both of them though… so I’m kinda glad. : ) However… I might have to nickel and dime my way into getting the furniture. *sighs* But dammit… I’mma DO it. : ) I will just have to wait until I get paid. *LOL*
That was FUN!! I just helped my mommy buy a new computer online. Since she doesn’t have one and her job is smart enough to not give people internet access (I would just DIE!) I had to help her. Humph. I call her all happy cuz I just got a TV & stuff.. and she drops 900 bucks on a computer system. Though I have to admit it IS a nice one… by dell and all. Now I don’t have to worry about suffering from computer withdrawal while I am visiting her. Hm. Talk about encouragement.

*grins* TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF…. *deep breath* and ONE MORE TIME!!!

T! G! I! F!

On that note… I’m out. Have a happy weekend ya’ll….

Stay Jazzed.

It's Hot It's Hot... take it oFFFF!!!!!!

I really really really hate the government sometimes. Out of my bonus check they took...41%. That's right. 41% of the bonus I was supposed to get went right back to the government. Taxes are good, I understand why they are needed...bt DAMN!!! 41%?!?!?!?!!!!!!! *sighs* As I told my mom... that was a big color tv and an entertainment center....*Sighs* So, I don't think that I will be getting those things right now. And as I can't (and I do mean CAN NOT) get any kind of credit (Value City rejected me. I mean...damn.) I guess I will have to wait a little longer for the TV & Stuff. *sighs*

Anyhow... on a happier front. Life is GOOD! I love Chef.. and he loves me. :) He taught me this innnteresting little game last night called FourSquare. *sniffs* He beat me 9 times out of ten....but still. It was fun. Then he wrote this dilly dilly poem...but it was so totally the thought that counted. I realized that I have almost NO strategy skills at all.
Urgh.
Work is okay. My performance review went well... My manager said that he was letting me feel my own way out *resists the urge to strangle him* and that so far, I done good. :) My mommy loves me. My grandmommy loves me. I sent off the card to my sperm donor last night. *snorts* I wonder if I will get a reply. Urgh. I'm going to be able to get my glasses today, and I have been getting lots of notes and talking to folx here. :) AND AND AND ANDDDDDDD... it's almost 55 degrees outside and I went out for lunch. Talk about GOR-GEE-OUS! *sighs* But it's only for a second as it is supposed to get quite cold again. AND! I got a temp temp bartending job...but still. TipMoney is a wonderful thing. :) Clearly... today I have been just level. No super highs no super lows. Just cool. Maybe I need to stop eating breakfast.
IceChica has planted an evil evil seed in my mind...I am going to dye my hair. Again. :) I'm going to a mall after work, and the one I am going to has a Sally's Beauty Supply in it (talk about hair heaven) and I am going to figure out just what color I want it to be before I leave work. I'm not going blond (and besides, I don't want my hair to fall out)but maybe a nice bright auburn. The weather is warming up and it is time for me hair to HEAT up to. *grins*
Ah... work calls (that feels so great to say)

Stay Jazzed.

Blagh, Blue, Money

*shrugs* Confessions are odd. I haven’t written this and I don’t know why. I just don’t want to. When I wrote it (while I was at home) I was half sick and missing Chef and just in a perfect way to spill it all. It’s rather sad when you can’t spill your guts to yourself. Anyhow…I’m still not writing it.

I realized that I tend not to talk much. I’m not much of a chatterer… mainly because I don’t like talking sometimes. I wish I could go around for a whole day and not say a word. LittleOne did that once and I thought it was the oddest thing. Hm. I can’t WAIT for theweather to warm up. Spring smells so good and clean.
Ugh. I have been having the most horrible horrible mood swings lately. I will be totally happy and glowing with joy one hour… and the next I will feel so down and tired and sad I just wanna cry. It’s really bad. I know part of it is because I’m scared that something is wrong with me…wrong with my inner parts. I’m…edgy I guess would be the best word. And then I read stuff online ( I need to stop that) and it matches some of my symptoms and I am just scared of totally…*sighs* I don’t know. And then I’m totally freaked by the fact that what if something is really permanently wrong with me, and I threw away what might have been my only chance to have a child? *sighs* Oh god I would be no more good if that turned out to be the case. I don’t know why I have this… belief kinda that not talking about things will make them go away or that talking about them somehow binds them into existence. *sighs* I’m going to lunch (though I’m not very hungry.. and haven’t been for a while) and just stop it.

I have stinky toes. I sitting here rubbing my sore feet and working on my year goals (for work... I need to make some for my life too) and I have funky toes. Not bad ‘yeech what crawled in your shoe and died funky’, but more an ‘ohh that is a hot (yet clean) foot’ funky. *sighs* It’s a not too good but not really bad smell. I had to share.

I think that today I will finish reading all of Scarlet Ibis’s diary. : ) I read her last 30 entries first, so as I was reading through I KNEW just around when she was gonna get pregnant and it was so exciting to build up to it. It’s like I snuck and read the end of the book before the beginning. Hm. Break time.

I don’t know what it is.. I wake up all cheerful and then it’s just down hill from there. Right now all I want to do is go home, curl up in my bed…and just lay there. I don’t even want to read. How scary is that?

I tried to get a bartending job at the new hotel that is opening up downtown. By the time I went in for the interview, all the bartending positions were filled, but the guy offered me a position as a server. He said that it is one way to be able to ‘jump’ into a bartending spot. I was hoping to hear from the other downtown place, but as I haven’t yet…I emailed him and told him that I am still interested in the job, and that I needed to know a few things before I accepted for sure. *sighs* I have realized that I NEED another job if I want to get a car and stay in my lovey apartment, and continue paying off my bills the way I have been. Ughha. Well.. on a happy money note. I am going to get a living room set and a TV and a entertainment center with my money from the bonus and my income tax refund. I am going to go to HR Block and try to get one of those super fast loans… that way I might be able to get the stuff (or at least order it) this weekend, and if not this weekend, definitely next weekend.


Stay Jazzed.

2/5/01

*peeps head in*
*checks notes*
*reads some favourites*
*saves the rest for later*

Hi everybody! It's sad that I am FINALLY able to get here...20 minutes before I have to leave for me doctor's appt. Ah well...

Nothing much has been going on. I'm going to have MONEY MONEY MONEY... which is already mentally spent on living room furniture, plants, birthday gifts, and driving lessons. :) Somebody is going to get a license!!
Umm.. me & Chef are doing good. He is thrilled because he just got a promotion and is going to be a Sous Chef at the newer and ritzy branch of the chain he is working for... so he is all cheerful and stuff.
We had another arguement...which is where the little manipulative sound bite came from earlier. *grumps* He can be a little so&so sometimes.
ummm.. I still ain't too fond of my job...I feel like I'm floundering in a very big sea. I need direction, guidance, SOMETHING. *pulls on hair* But my Performance Management meeting is tommorow... so that should be okay.
I think I'm gonna dye my hair. (Rein you are a bad bad influence on me). I'm trying to decide if I am once again going to try to go for basic black... or if I am going to lighten it up...I should post a picture one day and shock everybody. *laughs* What do you guys think I look like??
I still haven't sent the card off to Daddy Dearest yet. *rolls eyes* I'm going to write it in the card while I'm at the doctors since I forgot to bring a book and I seriously doubt that he will be running on schedule. *rolls eyes again*

Well... I need to wrap up a few things... then I'm off to get poked and prodded and all that jazz. Urgh.

Stay Jazzed....