Viper's Stolen Survey

Lunch time Survey stolen from Viper.

#1. What is the most expensive thing you have broken?
A bathroom sink. I broke it right off of the wall. Don’t know how much it cost, but that would have to be the most expensive thing
#2.What is your dream job? No matter how realistic or not, what would you like to be doing right now?
A journalistic photographer for National Geographic. I love how they travel all over the world and take some of the FLYEST pictures I have ever seen.
#3. Who would you like to be reincarnated as?
Reincarnated as? Hmmm…..Myself, just skinnier and richer.
#4. Most embarrassing tape/CD in your collection.
Don’t have any… I let them all get stolen.
#5. Cartoon character you can identify with the most.
None really…. There aren’t that many cartoony girls.
#6. Celebrity you can't stand!
Dr. Laura Slessenger
#7. OD'er you would most like to meet.
Hmmmmm……that’s a toughy. Most likely AOIM…better known as Kelly. She is such a happy friendly hard-ass : )
#8. The teen idol when you were a teen.
Ummm..no clue. I have never kept up with that kinda stuff.
#9. What is your favorite Viper entry?
Oh goodness…. I am going to have to go back over his WHOLE diary now. *laughs* Okay…. It would have to be the ‘I’m Dying!!!!! coffee’ I had to seriously stifle some loud giggles as I read that one.

Naughty Naughty

Another Stolen Survey…. It’s called dirrrrty secrets.

1. Have you ever shaved off ALL your pubic hair? Surgery doesn't count.
Yes, I have.
2. Have you ever had a sexual encounter with a relative?
Yup. He was a ‘kissin’ cousin, and I didn’t know his was my cousin until later
3. Have you ever been partly undressed by a partner in a movie theater or other public place?
Yeah….in a park, and in a car in fromt of a movie theater
4. Have you ever dyed your pubic hair? What color? Why?
No…I usually don’t have much.
5. Have you ever received anal intercourse (men and women can answer this, please)? Did you like it or hate it? What was bad or what was good?
One and a half times. The first time was simply loveeelly…the ½ a time not so…which is why it was only a half time.
6. Ladies, do you have intercourse during your period? Is it better or worse at that time?
Yes/better. Mucccchhh stronger orgasms, and I can go longer cuz I don’t get dehydrated if ya know what I mean.
7. If you're married, have you had sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse since you were married? Oral sex? Manual stimulation? A French kiss? A kiss on the cheek or neck? Which of these constitutes "cheating" in your book?
Not married...and…all of them except the kiss on the cheek or neck. That can be cheating or not depending on intentions.
8. Spit or swallow?
swallow. If it’s in my mouth already, that seems so much neater.
9. Do you receive pleasure from having your nipples licked, sucked or bitten? Can you reach orgasm from that alone?
I like them licked, sucked and bitten, and yes… but we/I have only managed to pull that off once.
10. Have you ever used sex toys (vibrators, dildos, cock rings, etc.) with a partner? How about by yourself?
With a partner: yes. With myself: yes.


Hmm.. that wasn’t toooooo dirty. Well within OD’s rules I would say. Hmm… on to something I stole from Viper.

Singing Survey

The point of this survey (that I stole) is to answer each question with a lyric - it looked challenging so I thought I'd give it a go.

1~ Who are you?
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed, I’m your hell, and your dream, and nothing in between and I wouldn’t want it any other way (Meredith Brooks ‘Bitch’)
2~What do you look like?
‘cuz she’s a brick….HOOOOOOOUUUUZZZZZZEEEEE… she mighty mighty, letting it all hang out. (Parlamint Funkadelic ?? )
3~What's your secret?
I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away but I stumble. Although I try to hide it, it’s clear. My world crumbles when you are not here. (Macy Gray, “I Try”)
4~What do you want to be?
Iiiiiiiiiii…wanna be RICH! (who is this by??)
5~What can you do?
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. (????)
6~What can't you do?
I’d do anything, but I won’t do that (Meatloaf ???)
7~What is love?
Love Is. ( Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight “Love is” )
8~What is friendship?
Keep smiling, keep striving, knowing you can always count on me, for sure, that’s what friends are for ( Dionne Warwick ‘Friends’ )
9~Are you strong?
Gotta be, gotta be bad, gotta be bold, gotta be wiser. Gotta be tough, gotta be strong, gotta be harder ( Des’ree ‘Gotta Be’)
10~What are you afraid of?
When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling saddddddd…… ( The Sound of Music ‘Favorite Things’)
11~What would you tell the one who loves you?
Loving you, is easy ‘cuz you’re beautiful, and making love with you, is alll I want to do (Minnie Ripperton “Loving You’)
12~What do you want to do?
I wanna live forever, I wanna learn how to fly… HIGH! ( Theme song to ‘Fame’)
13~What do you want to say?
They say I’m hopeless….as a penny with a hole in it. ( Dionne Farris ‘Hopeless’)
14~Where do you want to be?
This, is the place where I belong, right here in your arms, without you something is wrong ( Shai )
15~Who do you love?
Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man, yes he is ya’ll…. ( Salt & Peppa with En Vouge ‘Whatta Man’)
16~How do you feel?
I feel love love love love crazzzzzzyyyyyy love (Brian McKnight ‘Crazy Love’)

hmmmmmm…that was kinda fun… I sorta wish there were more questions though. I might add some later..


Stay Jazzed.

Well... that was fun.

Found a Christmas gift on e-bay. Got outbidded on all my other auctions. Tired all the time. wake up at 6:00 at work at 7:00 leave at 3:30 study/eat till 5:30 go to bartending class at 6:00 stay till 10 get home around 12:00 eat (maybe) go to sleep. Thank god I only have another week of this madness.
Nothing much to talk about. Work is dull, Chef cooks for me, class is fun, I'm broke and I need sleep.
*sighs* life.

Stay Jazzed.

helppppp me.........

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just discovered the madness that is e-bay. Yeah.. I had heard of it before….and even heard of a few people that got hooked on it…but I had no clue as to it’s overwhelming….ADDICTION. I have only been on it for a few minutes (15..20….has it been an hour already?) and I can feel the pull of the auction. Being bored at work iss verrah dangerous. I ended up here because I want to do a lot more photography, but I don’t have the lens that I want (a telephoto and a long zoom and a wide angle.. yes I want it ALL). SO I started by hunting down some reviews of different lens and getting a general idea of prices. From there, I was off to e-bay to find what is out there…and OH MY!! So much so much…. I’m scared. I also need to find a tripod.. and oh mercy I wonder if they auction off film… *wanders back into e-bay muttering to herself*

Notes of the Day

Suddenly in a flash the difference between fantasy and cheating is clear…the mind wanders, but the body and the heart does not. Anyhow… I’m working on roughly 6 hours of sleep from the last two days, I feel vaguely sick (odd appetite and general feeling of urghiness), and hmmm….

Bored out of my mind at work. I am considering taking a half day tomorrow…come in as late as possible and leave as early as possible…so I can get both more sleep and more Chef time. I have promised myself that I will NOT bitch about his job and the hours that it makes him keep. I just won’t. What he does is what he loves doing and I don’t in any way shape or form indicate that I want him to prioritize the two. I expect his job to take precedence over me…and I expect him to expect my job to take precedence over him. Just the way it is, and the way I have to live with it being. *sighs* Still… I hate the fact that I am so rarely at my best when it comes to talking to him and being around him because I am either at the high or the low end of my sleep cycle. Mercy knows I make too little sense when I am tired or when I have just woken up.

Hmm… have been masquerading in various chat spots and just online in general as a lady named Jasmyn Black. It reminds me of a black morning glory, deep and rich and velveteen to touch. I like the sound of it anyhow….with so much free time on my hands, I might create an online alter ego…I wonder what scandals she could get into?

Hm… it wouldn’t be a full and complete entry if I didn’t briefly bitch LOUDLY about the fact that it is snowing. Not flurries, not a chance of snow, but full fledged real live SNOW. It’s only November *sobbing* I don’t mind having a white Christmas, but a white thanksgiving is simply not RIGHT! I have plans to brave the madness this weekend and actually go out and try to buy some real gloves. The minor minor little things that I am wearing now just are not going to cut it, and I need something REAL before I lose a tip or two to frostbite.

I’ll toss in a quick hair reference too… While bored out of my mind at work, I decided I would try this little hint I got off of one of my newgroups about how to keep the roots of your twists neat while waiting from them to get nicely locked up. So, I looped & twisted (my name for the process) the whole back row of my hair, and figured I would leave those in and see how it turns out. IF it looks good and last through a few hair washes, I might get bold and try to do the whole head.

Confession time…. I have been holding off putting locks in my head because of a remarkably odd conversation I had one day on the MARTA (Atlanta’s train system) with this guy. He sat down next to me and asked me if I was so & so… when I said that I wasn’t he said that I looked almost just like a friend of a friend of his who was growing locs and dropping weight at the same time. He said something to the effect that I would look almost just like her once my locs had grown out. This convo was held during that period of time when I was ‘trying’ to loc my hair in Atlanta. For some odd reason, I think that the person he was talking about WAS me.. and that when I finally make the plunge to get locs, I will also have to fully commit myself to the plunge to lose weight. *sighs* I don’t know….

Stay Jazzed.

The Rest of it al

I have to learn how to talk. I can open my mouth and speak on the minor minor things, but anything that really tickles my heart and that matters, I have a hard time speaking on. At least to other people. It was over this issue that me & Chef had our first big… ‘thing’. Not an argument, more of a very pointed inquiry into my head and heart and OUCH did that pointy thing hurt. In order to finally actually TALK to him I had to write what I wanted to say and read it at the same time. There is a disconnect between my head & heart & mouth that the head & heart & hand connection somehow manages to over come. So…over the weekend I went out and did some very single stuff…movies (by myself) shopping and drooling…random flirting…*grins* so all in all I had fun. This past weekend had to be one of the most relaxed weekends I have had in a while.

My bartending classes start today, and just my luck, it is cold as HELL frozen over outside. I really don’t like cold weather, and I remembered why after coming to work this morning. It’s icky. Period. That is all there is to it.
Speaking of periods, mine is a week late. I checked on *thinks* Thursday, and according to the little blue line, I’m not. However, as I brought a cheapie brand, and I used it at night, and as it still has not shown up, I think I will drop for the cash once again, just for my own peace of mind. Ugh. The simple thought that I might even remotely be pregnant again is about to drive me utterly batty. And if I am not and my cycle is just shifting to another type…argh! Why would it pick now? It has been being remarkably regular lately. *sighs* But…I shan’t worry about that right now. : ) It will do nothing but drive me batty.

*watches the bats fly around in her head*

Made my OB/GYN appointment…thank god nothing is wrong with me considering I can’t get an appointement until January 11th…at least that is just next year.
Hmm hmmm hmmm… In love with my hair lately. I realized just how comfortable I am with myself when I started thinking about whether I would want to be another race if I could switch. Just snap my fingers and be white or asian or hispanic or indian or african or whatever, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am just peachy keen happy about being just where I am. As much as I bitch and moan about my weight, I would not trade this body for anybody elses…as much as I groan about what I am going to do with my hair, I wouldn’t exchange being able to feel the rich silky thickness of my hair for anything else. Yeah, I want to be slimmer…but that is just a matter of time. Yes, I want my hair to be longer, but once again, that is just a matter of time. I am actually HAPPY with what I have to work with…and man it’s a wonderful feeling. Happy happy joy joy. That’s really all there is.

*Shakes head* I am so multiplicitious.

Stay Jazzed.

And from the Past

A major side effect of attempting to screw with some one else’s life is that unless you are still close to the person, there is no way to tell just how aggravated you are making them without blowing your cover.

Ah. And then, out of the darkness of the internet, comes a greeting. Hm. This should be fun.


JEH: Hi.
Jazzy: hello.
JEH: How are you?
Jazzy: I’m fine…and you.
JEH: Okay I guess…I miss you
Jazzy: you guess? You miss me?
JEH: yes i miss...1) we haven`t spoken in almost 6 months 2) you mean so much to me that my life feels incomplete with out you in it in someway
Jazzy: Oh. I see.


This is one of those points in life where if I was a witch I would have to clasp the three-fold rule tightly to myself in order to not call something big, ugly and booga boogie down on him.


JEH: do you still not like me?
Jazzy: *laughs* *thinks* Not like you? hm. yes...I suppose you could say that.

And honestly, it’s the truth. I don’t like him, and I don’t not like him either. I just want something from him that he will never be able to give me, and that is a pass to the past so that the events and episodes of the period from February to April of this year would just fade away. But since I can’t have that…I just have a bitterness and anger at the rift that was brought on by my stupidity and his betrayal.


JEH: i am sorry...i guess i thought time would heal the rift between us
Jazzy: time? yes...enough time will heal the rift...but considering the fact that we might have had a week old baby right now doesn't make this quite the right time...


Too harsh? No… maybe I am trying to shift some of the pain that I feel from me and onto him. It was my choice, and I cold have chosen to have a week old child right now. But I chose not to, largely because I didn’t want to have a child without a father. I can live with that, and I am living with that knowledge every day. Maybe that is really what I want…just to know that once a week…once every few months…that he thinks about what could have been, and what he lost, and feels some pain.


JEH: I see.
Jazzy: Do you?


Maybe I’m being to hard…trying to hurt him. Actually, yeah I am. I want him to curl up and cry some nights because of loss, and back-stabbing and feeling like something that he thought was solid and forever turns out to be a situation of convenience.


JEH: there seems to be nothing i can say or do to reconcile this matter with you, i wish i had the right answers but i don`t
Jazzy: hm. I don't think there is a 'right' answer. From the moment that you decided you were not 'ready' to handle me being pregnant, to the moment that you 'overslept'...there was nothing that could be done to make things 'right' between us. A line was crossed that can't be un-crossed, and I don't think it can even be re-drawn. yeah. I'm still bitter as hell. Not about the abortion itself...because I made that choice...and I didn't HAVE to choose it. I'm bitter because the man that I thought was my best friend turned out to be such a scrub when something important came up.


Really…I don’t think I ever asked for too much. All I ever really wanted was someone who I could DEPEND on...through thick and thin, through all that mattered and some stuff that didn’t. Maybe I was looking for a husband in a friend…or is dependability a required quality in a friend or a lover? And what are the rules when the friend is a lover, and yet there is no ‘real’ relationship there? I know there is nothing he can say, because the only thing that can be expressed in words is sorry…and really, sorry ain’t shit. Do? Hm. The problem has not been what he has done, but more what he did not do.


JEH: ok, i am still not ready to handle you being pregnant, and though it sounds lame i did oversleep. i never had a reason to lie to you or deceive you before i won`t create such nonsense now. nor will i give you some false since of security that i cannot back up. and if all this makes me a scrub then so be it.
Jazzy: I never thought that you lied to me...or decieved me really. The false sense of security? *shrugs* I guess that is where what you were offering and what I thought you were offering got blurred. Seems like I remember a man who said he was my best friend and would do anything for me...then something big and scary and life changing came up...and POOF! you were gone. But it was never really stated in words was it? It was just sort of implied by our relationship...
*sighs*
so I guess really...when it all comes down to the line...it's my fault hm? I should have known that when it comes to doing ‘anything’ for a person...that it only counts as long as it is something easy. See... I always thought that what we had went WAYYY beyond just the easy.. and I and sad and hurt and bitter as fuck to find out that I was wrong.


Ugh. Thank god I’m at work so I can’t sit here and cry like I want to. That is what it really all boils down to…I’m mad because I got took…I got pulled into a state of security and thought we had it all together and then BAM! The rain started and he was no where to be found.

JEH: now that is not entirely true. i know this was big. and every morning i wake up questioning myself on whether or not the decision that was made was the right one. i have looked at this from both sides as best as possible. and i when i finally come to up with something i feel like shit. why should i feel this way when i my heart and mind tell me that that right thing was done. but one thing still bothers me, why would you not marry me?
Jazzy: Because as much as I loved you, I would have been marrying you to hold on to you to insure that my child would have a father, and not because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you…and that would not have been fair to either one of us. Besides all that…if you were not ready to be a father, not even that…but ready to deal with the idea that you were going to be a father…how is god’s good name would you have magically matured into someone who could be a good husband?


Ah…that one came out of left field. I remember telling him that he was not to ask me to marry him just because I was pregnant…if he wasn’t going to ask me to marry him before that, I’d be damned if I would marry him ‘just because’. *sighs* Besides…I would have killed him in a matter of months. *sighs*


JEH: I know the subject matter between us is not the best of things right now, but talking to you has lifted my spirits. I have to get back to campus for classes. I am not running out on this. I would like to continue to talk to you about this. Is it ok if I can call you?
Jazzy: Um. *sighs* Yeah. I guess so. I am not going to be able to talk at work, and I won't be home for most of the next two weeks (except for the weekends)...so maybe emails or on here would be better. You can try to catch me...***-***-****


ARGH! What possessed me to do that? *sighs* I don’t know…maybe deep deep deep inside I want to forgive? Maybe I need to forgive in order to let go and move on? Maybe the big bad karma patrol is going to hem my ass up if I don’t? *sighs* Maybe I just want to give the past a chance to finally lay its head down and rest…or die depending on how you want to look at it.

Stay Jazzed.

Popping In

Out of the damn workshop/torture session I have been in all week, wanted to note down some thngs really quickly.

*Chef may actually force me to open up more than I ever have before. I'm not sure whether to be scared or happy.
* I am broke...again. Hopefully I will have a second job in a month though, and it won't be quite so bad.
* My mommy came, and left, and we had lots of fun, and I spent too much money, which is why I am broke.
* My period is almost a week late, BUT...I'm not pregnant. I am going to make an appointment with the OB/GYN next week to figure out what kind of secondary birth control will be best. I am considering getting a diaphram. However, I was really freaked out for a while there
* I want to start taking pictures again. How many times have I said that?
* I have GOT to lose some weight. Exercise calls me.


Well... That's it for now... I have been going through most of my favorites, leaving notes here and there. *sighs* Back to work...

A Fairy Tale for the Assertive Woman of the 90's

Borrowed from Cultured Pearl
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't fucking think so."