A tale of two Boobs

Ah. A brief rant.

I hate hate hate hate the idiots who make bras. I hate them with a passion. Would you like to know why?

1) They are under the delusion that the bigger your boob are the bigger your back is. HELLO??? Some of us are just well endowed without having a back the size of a linebackers.

2) The change well above 30 bucks for a few scraps of fabric and wire and elastic. I mean REALLY. Why is it that I can buy a shirt (off the rack, not even from a discount place) that covers my ENTIRE upper body…for less than it costs to buy a bra that covers roughly one third of my upper body?

3) Another delusion is that the endowed ladies are all 50 and above. Don’t most women’s breasts tend to get SMALLER as you get older?? Then why are bras of a suitable size (if you can find them) All white or beige and utterly utterly hideous?? I mean I KNOW my boobs are big but if I wanted something to scare small children, I would buy a mask.

Why the rant you may ask?? Because the bra manufactures KNOW that you have to wear bras to fit into most clothes properly…if you aren’t like amazingly perky. And once you slide above that DD line… perkiness tends to be the first thing to go. So I have to wear a bra every day of my life. No choice. However, every single solitary bra I own (and I own a lot…I figure through trial and error I will hit on something right) has something wrong with it. As I am ranting… I’m gonna go through them.

a) The cup stops about a quarter inch above my nipple. If I lean forward too fast… PLOP…out comes the whole boob. Okay for the club and verrrryyy low cut shirts…bad for work.
b) The underwire is 1) made of old knife blades and slices through the bra in two washing flat or 2) the underwire is made of some cheap stuff that as soon as I lean back breaks right in the middle and stabs me in my rib cage for the rest of the day.
c) The bullet look went out with Marilyn. Nuff said.
d) The underwire meets in the middle and pokes out from my chest like an odd third nipple.
e) The cup is justttttt small enough so that while it fits comfortably, I have the dreaded boob-bubble if I shift the wrong way.

Most of the bras that actually fit me right, fell victim to issue b in some form or another. I know of no way to fix an underwire once it has escaped. *sighs* So…where does that leave me? It leaves me with seriously having to consider dropping over 50 bucks on a single bra to get something that fits me right and will last for more than two washings…just because I’m blessed with an abundant bosom. It’s NOT FAIR!!!

My large breasted readers….any ideas or suggestions? The bras I’m considering (only because I have heard good things about them) are carried only by Nordstrom’s (yeah.. I knew I was screwed then) and the brand is called Lunaire (I think) Do any of you ladies know where I can find a reasonable 38-40 DDD-F sized bras for less than an expensive steak dinner? I have even considered buying nursing bras. *sighs* But that little snap opening thing would just freak me out a bit much. I’m not totally sure of what size I would wear because I haven’t been able to FIND any that size…except for on e-bay… and some of them fit and some of them didn’t. And since one of the twins is just a teensy bit bigger than the other one...not enough to eyeball (unless you are starting REALLLLLY hard) but enough to make a difference in bra fit...it REALLLLLLLLLLLLY doesn't help. When a supposed 40 DDD bra fits tighter than an old 38 D I still have… there is CLEARLY a problem.

HEEEEEELLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay Jazzed… and perky if you are so lucky.