Dementia

I hate hate hate hate hate these damn mood swings. They are aggravating, irritating, and make me down right MISERABLE! *sighs* I feel like I'm going crazy, and I know exactly what is wrong, ut as that helps me none it is even more frustrating. Luckily for those around me, they tend to be very much so internal (see previous feeling of inadequacy, depression and insanity), so I don’t appear to be going mad every month. But man… it is a beating on the psyche. While I KNOW that by Friday at this time I will feel just peachy freakin keen, those days between now and then seem to be an eternity. I wobble between not wanting to see Cheffy and wanting to curl up in his arms until Friday. Between quitting my job and telling my boss that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Between going to a club and flirting and partying my ass off or sitting in my house, closing the drapes, and cussing out every single telemarketer who dares to ring my phone. Sudden washed of rages and irritation, followed by a deep weepy feeling. I figured I was going to be just fine, considering that I went through the STRANGEST crying jag on Friday, sitting on my couch and crying so hard I gave myself a headache…and then walking the streets for almost three hours afterwards. I figured THAT was going to be the end of the emotional roller coaster. I can’t keep going through this...losing almost a week of every month to this other woman who invades me and whose moods are as changeable as clouds in the sky. After I get through this jag, I will only have one more before I go back to see my doctor. I am going to ask him then whether I can stay on the pill continuously (a constant supply of hormones) or if I can get on some other form of birth control. Dear god, if I am this bad now, after just three weeks of constant hormone adjustment, I can only imagine what the whole postpartum depression thing is gonna be like for me.

The only good thing about this is I write like a mad woman (though not ‘real’ writing) and if I can remain calm for an extended period of time I tend to talk more about what’s going on inside of me. *rolls eyes* Mercy but that sounded SO psychobabblish. Hm. This is a good state to work on my homework in then…*shakes head* I can’t wait to go home. Though I have to stop at the grocery store first and see if I can find something to use for Gio’s catbox until I can get to the pet store.

*sighs*

Stay Jazzed.