Feelings

When we aren't sexually intimate, he doesn't feel loved/act loving. When he doesn't feel loved, he withdraws. When he withdraws, I feel guilty/angry/frustrated/guilty, and we dance around each others emotions until one of us breaks down - usually me.

What could we do to change this?
1) I could be sexually intimate at a rate that satisfies him.
Pros:  Some for him, some for me
1) None of the other emotional/relationship reactions would occur.
2) We would strengthen our marriage.
Cons: None for him, all for me.
1) I would have to fake my desire/change my makeup.
2) I might grow resentful of 'having' to satisfy him.

2) He could not withdraw.
Pros: Some for him, some for me
1) The emotional rollercoaster of worry/guilt that I ride would be decreased.
2) I MIGHT be more - willing/interested.
Cons: Some for him, some for me.
1) He would have to conceal his feelings.
2) I would know that he was lying to me about his emotional state.

3) I could not go through the guilty/angry/frustrated/guilty cycle.
Pros: Some for me, some for him
1) I wouldn't feel bad.
2) I MIGHT be more willing/interested in shaking him out of his grump.
Cons: Some for him, some for me.
1) I might NOT be more willing - I suspect I would feel like I was pandering to his pout.
2) He might think that I am/was disregarding his feelings.

4) He could feel loved/act loving  - sexually intimate or not.
Pros: Some for him, some for me.
1) Our relationship would be on more of a level keel
2) I would feel more valued for the wholeness of me
Cons: All for him, none for me.
1) He would have to change his makeup.
2) He might feel as if he's lying to himself about his emotions.

 

 

 

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How do I feel - just me - about the whole situation?

I feel - guilty that I married him knowing that my sex drive is normally roughly nil. I feel - upset that we hold such widely varying interests about sexual  contact. I feel - bitter that I either have to live with him on eggshells or force myself to have sex with him. I feel - curious about why I don't want to have sex with him. I feel - love for him because I do. I feel - sad that I can't make him feel happy. I feel - guilty that I can't just get OVER it and be a sexually charged woman. I feel - worry that our marriage won't survive. I feel - angry that I even have to go through this process. I feel - bitter that I feel less loved because I don't want to suck his dick/give him a boob job/have him eat me out/watch porn with him/have any sort of sexual relationship with him. I feel - sad because that's part of what a marriage is - and if it isn't, it should be agreed to by both partners. I feel - like crying because I can't talk to anyone who knows me about this because - it's not how I was when I first interacted with most of those people.