bored, bored, bored.......

with my hair, that is. I've been picking apart locs here and there, (mostly in the back, and behind my ears) but a) there's no way in hell I'd have the patience to do my whole head - esp. considering taking apart ONE loc takes about half an hour - and I have close to 200 freaking locs and b) my unlocked hair is a good bit shorter than I thought it would be, and I LIKE having the long, tossable, ponytailable, easy as hell to manage  hair, dammit.

So.....I haven't dyed my hair for well over a year - maybe a year & half, because I think the last time I dyed it was Nov 2003, and I think it's high time that I do so again.

I'm in the South, and I know that my hair will lighten up in the sun....so I'm thinking about bleaching it, then finally getting the red that I've been waiting for EONS. If it sucks, or looks utterly hideous, I can always cover it with a brownish shade again. So - tonight, I'm going to wash my hair, tighten up the roots (so that I don't end up with the extra light roots I usually have) and then go out to Sally's (ALLLL the way by damn work) and get some dye. HMm.... I need to figure out which loc will be sacrificied for the hairdye test.....since I've picked all of the ones in my USUAL spot out.  hmm.... maybe right above the hair line then....

Heh. I think I'll suprise C with it tomorrow night - he got the funny colored eyes (ya'll, my husband has hazel eyes now - and he WONDERS why the women at work flirt with him!) and I'll have the funny colored hair.  Muahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................

 

ooohhhh!!! survey!!

Stolen shamelessly from Thunder Road.....

 High School Quiz Thing

 

 

 

1. What year was it? 1991-1995

2. What were your three favorite bands? TLC, SnoppDogg, and SWV  
3. What was your favorite outfit? Ohh... what ever I actually PURCHASED from a store, as I was still mostly in mom's homemade outfits.
4. What was up with your hair? *thinks*  medium length, nappy & natural as hell, usually in cornrows under a headpiece.

 5. Who were your best friends?  Ella, Elisha, JJ, Felix, Frankeya, LaNina, Mitchell & Nee.

6. What did you do after school? Debate Club or work

7. Where did you work? The local public library - yeah, I was a nerdy nerd even then.

8. Did you take the bus? Sometimes I walked, sometimes my mom dropped me off. I lived a BLOCK too close to the school to ride the bus
9. Who did you have a crush on? Ohhh... Ricky. Star basketball player. I was just the smart girl who MIGHT let you copy her homework.

10. Did you fight with your parents? Nah - I was just secretly evil, and did my best to never get caught.
11. Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on? Marina Sirtis & Johnathen Fraker  (Also known as Deanna Troi & Commander Riker from Star Trek: Next Generation....) (see - told you I was a nerdy nerd).

12. Did you smoke cigarettes? Nope!

13. Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your  locker?   Nope - I usually left them home, actually. Though I did hate my locker, never had to worry about finding it though - our school only had about 350 students - and being the in the 'senior' class all the time helped. I started highschool in the 9th grade, they started the 'Academy (better known as the Acadummy by the 'normal' school kids) in my tenth grade, and I started going there in tenth grade - so we were always the top of the crop - which means we had the best lockers on the first floor.
14. Did you have a 'clique'? Yeah - the 'smart' kids - nerdy nerds, all of us.

15. Admit it, were you popular?  Nah....A lot of people KNEW me (one of the few Muslim girls in the school, and the smartest kid in the school period - besides having the funktastic last name? Yeah - people knew of me, at least).

16. Who did you want to be just like? Hmm...nobody really.

17. What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be an artise. Or at the very least, filthly rich. I had simple dreams.

18. Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now? Ohh...at least two kids, a published book or two, and at least one showing in a well known art gallery. HAH! Didn't think I would be married though - I mean, as a rich artist, I COULD be a single mom, right? I even had two of the sperm donors (artificial alllll the way) picked out.

My sophmore year picture - aren't I a sad looking little thing? Holy shit, I think I still OWN that jacket. I've been telling myself I need to get rid of it, but it's a Jones New York, dammit! Of course, the timy moth holes in the sleeve mean I hardly EVER wear it - but STILL. But yes, Nerdly McNerd I was. Damn.  Actually... that might be a linen jacket I used to own - the one I have now is the same damn color though. And we aren't even going to TALK about the glasses. Sweet mother of heaven.

Just to show ya'll the difference (and to prove I wasn't a nerdly mcnerd always) this is my senior picture. Amazing, isn't it? I LOVED those damn glasses. loved them, loved them, loved them. I barely look like the same girl/woman.

 

Sorry about the crappy picture quality - pictures of pictures never turn out well.

Random edit after staring at the difference (and looking at myself in the mirror): and somehow, my lips shrunk. Weird.

Hopskipping across the country

Okay....I've got several things in the mail.....
1) The iPod - which is hopskipping across the country - it started in Brooklyn, NY, then went to Parsipanny, NJ, then to Harrisburg, PA, and now it's in Fisherville, VA. The hell? This is what happens when you chose ground shipping. It's in Knoxville now!! It and my swimsuits are at least in the same state as I am. Yayy!
2) The swimsuits - two days air - they left VA and are in Knoxville now.
3) The XboX is getting mailed this morning....
4) The skin is getting mailed Monday (the same day I'll hopefully GET the iPod)
5) I don't know what's going on with the PS2.
6) *hangs head in shame* The new crop of books I ordered from bookcloseouts.com (I have issues! help! help!) will get shipped at some point.
7) *hangs head even lower in shame* The 80GB external drive my evil evil evil friend talked me into buying is in Newark. But I needed it!! I have a 60GB iPod on the way - and my harddrive is ONLY 30GB. I mean really....and besides, just in case my harddrive gives up the ghost again, I won't lose all mah shit.

See - this is why I don't SPEND money in large amounts - once I start I can't stop until it's allllll gone. *le sigh* At least the boy get's paid today.... I need to find a copy of my old lease so that we can get reimbursed for that.  

Let see - what else? Took the day off yesterday - a nice little blurb about what I did for part of the day is in my Path To Tomorrow chapter - cleaned up the house a bit, washed the cat bed, somehow forgot to eat all day.....except for some olives....ummm.......ran C to work, but didn't have to pick him up (thankfully) what else? I think that's about it.

Oh! I almost forget!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!Y! it's FRIDAY!! *does the funky little dance*

But i hungry now, so I go get lunch now.  *huggles*

How to Become a Midwife

Jezzybelle asked me this question on my previous entry, and I've gotta elaborate on it - because actually quite a few people have asked me this.

There are a couple of different types of training for midwives, and a few different kinds of certification. Some are legal in every state, others are illegal in some states, and some states take an alegal stance - there simply are NO laws that apply. So....

1. Nurse-midwife (NM): This is the one that is most likely best known, and the one that is legal to practice in a hospital in all states. Some states prohibit NM's from attending home births, others don't.  Even here, you have a couple of different options based on what school you go to. There are several schools that offer an excellerated BS to Master's in Nursing program that takes three years. Other schools want you to be an RN first, then enroll in the Master in Nurse Midwifery program.  The excellerated course usually takes 3 years, the full RN/MN course normally takes 5 to 7.  Obviously, considering formal schooling is involved, this is the most expensive route - but since you are able to work in hospitals, it's also the route that can insure the largest return.


2. Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) : This is the one that tends to be legal in some states, and alegal in the rest.  Usually it means that the woman has gone through some sort of training program, including an apprenticeship, and then has gotten certified through NARM (North American Registry of Midwives). Usually, these women attend only homebirths, as most hospitals won't give them priveledges. Becoming a midwife through this path requires a lot more initiative and work on the students part, as there aren't many 'preset' programs, and a lot of independant study is required. One of the best distance learning programs is AAMI - Ancient Art of Midwifery Institure.


3. Liscened Midwives (LM): this is a state by state thing - some states offer licensing, others don't. The path is generally the same as the CPM's - with a different final legal status. Once again, there is a lot of independant work, and an appreticeship period.


4. Direct Entry Midwives (DEM): This role tends to be either illegal or alegal in most states, but it's the traditional path of midwifery - where you apprentice for several years to another midwife, learning, on the job, so to speak. What state you live in, and who you apprentice with mainly determines what you learn. This is the cheapest way - but also the longest, because you are learning through hands-on experience, and regretfully, most midwives in most states AREN'T dealing with anything more than 30 - 50 births a years (and that's a serioiusly break neck schedule - roughly a birth a week).

A great resource for learning about the legal/alegal/illegal statuses of each of these types of midwives (as well as whether NM's are allowed to attened homebirths) can be at MANA - Midwives Alliance of North America.

Soo.... I think that about covers it as far as midwives go. Training to be a Doula is much more straightfoward (and faster, and cheaper) because no clinical skills are taught. Most doulas are NOT clinicians, and they are prohibited (either by their certifying authority or by states laws) from performing clinical skills such as vaginal exams, fetal heartrates,  blood pressure checks, and all the rest of that jazz. A doulas main skill is in her hands and her voice to support the mom, the family, and the practioner - whether it be an OB, or a midwife.

Feel free to ask me ANYTHING else you like - this is one subject I can talk about for HOURS.

Interesting Interview....

So - I actually took yesterday off, but it sure as hell was no vacation day - I did quite a good bit of running around. One interview/meeting that I went to was with the homebirth midwife here - I'll call her K, and her assistant M.

It was interesting - I got there while she was finishing up with a client, and I sat in the waiting room and listened to her interacting with the mom. *shrugs* It wasn't an interaction that made me feel all warm and fuzzy - she seemed a little, strident I guess - a little abuprt. Anyhow, she wrapped that up about 15 minutes after I got there, and we sat down and talked.
I told her what led me to wanting to be a midwife/doula, and what my current lifesituation was - it was a good conversation, and she gave me several tips around what I should do. Speaking of which:

LADIES: If you were looking for a doula, and found a website, what information would you want to be there???

I've started working on my website, (I love building new wbesites), I've designed the business cards, and K gave me a few suggestions of women/co-ops that I could work with in order to get some hands on experience.

The things that - kinda rubbed me the wrong way (but looking at it from her perspective, I can kinda understand) were - largely how she talked about her fellow doulas/midwives in the area. Just from her conversation, I can see that there are power struggles, cliques, and two sides of the midwifery world here. One side is willing to go with the flow - bite their tongues, throw up their hands and say 'things aren't going to change here, so why even try to change it?' She's a firm member of that camp - but she's been working in this area for 12 years, and maybe she's just tired of fighting. The other side is what she calls 'vigilante' doulas, including the local Bradley instructor (who just from what she said - I've GOT to take classes with this woman!) These are the doulas/midwives who firmly believe that women should get exactly the service they want from their doctors, and should demand that service - no matter how much it might irritate the powers-that-be. Then - she goes on to say that the women who are part of that 'vigilante' group are basically ostricized by the other midwives and doulas in the area - when they are giving referrals, they leave them off the list, and they don't mention them at all - it's like these other women don't even exsist.
I don't like cattiness, I think it's the height of unprofessionality, and I don't think that telling a new doula who is interested in working with the women is this area that there are people she needs to stay away from is - appropiate. I'm a grown woman, I should be able to make my own judgement calls about people, based on their interactions with me and their moms, NOT based on gossip, hersay, and heaven knows what else. I also think that they are doing a disservice to the moms by not recommending these women - it's NOT their place to regulate the type of service a doula is willing to offer, nor is it their place to decide (independant of the moms) that this doula isn't an 'appropiate' fit for what they consider a doula to be. Every woman is different, and some of them might NEED a tigress by their side rather than a lapcat. If the doulas aren't GOOD, let the moms make that decision - don't ostracize them because you don't like their politics. *rolls eyes*
And of course, I'm saying all of this from a total outsiders perspective - a young, inexperienced, still fired-up and hoping to change the world one birth at a time perspective. I'm also a woman who knows the delicate skill of being stubborn without being loud, bitchy, or disrespectful - and as a mothers advocate, I think that's a healthy thing.
Though I have to admit - her comment that she isn't used to competition, having been the only homebirth midwife is this area for a long time, raised some red flags too......how much of the drama is being started/perpetuated by her?

So - I'm about to join the online group for this bunch of women, along with the Tenn. Midwives Asso. as a doula student. *sigh* I think it's going to be - interesting - to say the least. *rolls eyes* I can see that my new signature is going to be along the lines of: I serve mothers - not society!

There was a few things that she told me that helped me understand things a little better - firstly is that this area is a high-risk care center for the surrounding four states - and that affects the infant/maternal mortality/morbidity rates - exagerrating them in ways that don't really apply to the general health of the women in this community. I took that with a grain of salt, as there was a long series of articles in the paper (even bigger grain of salt) talking about the high infant mortality rates in Memphis - and somehow, I don't know if they were including or excluding the high risk clients. Anyhow - I think that - *sigh* dammit, I think that if these women took the time to put their petty intercine issues behind them, and serve WOMEN as they should be doing, the rate of change might speed up a little bit.
She also mentioned pricing - and holy shit! She suggested that I start charging what I had planned on charging AFTER certification, prior to certification. She did suggest that I offer to do births pro-bono (which was my plan all along) but that just in order to recoup gas money & time money, I should charge at least a little something - which, I've got nothing against.

All in all, I left her office feeling - excited. I'm going to talk to my (pregnant) boss in our one-on-one today, (the first one) and tell her about this 'side job' I'm starting, and ask her how best to work that around my schedule, as heaven knows babies do NOT come when you want them too....

So - the stuff I need to do is as follows:

1. 
   Order the business cards (the cheapest I can get, as I know I'm going to need new ones once I get certified)
   
   


2. 
   Finish my website
   
   


3. 
   grab a copy of Guerilla Marketing - which lists how to advertise for cheaper (if not free)
   
   


4. 
   find out how much an ad would cost in the local women's magazine, as well as the local parenting magazine.
   
   


5. 
   I want to find a doula that I can work with - either as backup or as an assistant until I can build my own client base - which I don't plan on doing actively until AFTER the training.
   
   


6. 
   *laugh* Buy ANOTHER organizer - I wonder if DONA sells any? They do - but good LORD are they ugly. *shudder*
   
   


7. 
   Finalize my contract and write a backup contract
   
   


8. 
   Make a list of the items that I want to have (massage powder, stress balls, hot/cold pads.........) and find a good bag.
   
   


9. 
   Join TMA and the Co-op
   
   


10. 
    Take a Bradley class - I really want to meet this vigilante (I guess I'm odd enough to NOT consider that a bad thing).
    
    

So dman exciting - my life is really getting busy & full.....it's - wonderful!!

More shopping

So, I also tossed the cash into the ether for my swimsuit(s).

After reading around for a while, I realized that the kind of swimsuit I wanted was more the 'lounging on the beach, sipping tropical drinks, dipping toes into the ocean on occasion' kinda swimsuits rather than the '4 times a week wear, swimming laps, and sweating underwater' kinda swimsuits. Soooo..... I got this one instead....

 

in 'Smurf' and 'Black'. I figured if the classes are going to be four times a week, and if I plan on swimming at least three times a week, it might be smart for me to have MORE than one swimsuit. I got it from Junonia which specialize in active wear for the size 14 and up woman. It's not nearly as 'cute' as I wanted, but hey - this is business wear so that at some point I CAN put on a swimsuit that looks like this:

ohlalaaaaa babbbyyyy!!!

Swim classes start the 3rd......I'm thinking I'll join as soon as I get the swimsuits, and that way I can at least splash around a little and TRY to teach myself some stuff.

*ggggggggggggggassp*

See.... I don't NORMALLY do stuff like this. It's - dangerous. It gives you a heady little rush, leaves your heart pumping, the palms of your hands sweaty, makes you slightly short of breath, and I'm sure creates some bad ass karma. I usually think things through - I usually am the patient, safe one. I'm usually the logical, levelheaded one. I'm usually not the one who does the dreaded swoop and steal.

But.

I did it.

And my hands are still sweaty, and my heart's still bumping, but - it's mine dammit. and I think I lost my greedy little mind for a second - but it's MINE, dammit. mineminemineminemine.... (hey - maybe I should get that engraved......)

So what is it?

Guess!

If you guessed a lovely little 20GB iPod, you'd be wrong.

If you guessed a lovely little 40GB 3G iPod, you'd be even wronger.

No - I went buckass wild.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I got the ever so gnarly, ever so big, SIXTY GB iPod Photo. It holds (drumroll please) fifteen THOUSAND songs. 15,000. 15K. Or, up to 25,000 (twenty five thousand, uhhuh, uhhuh) pictures.

Holy shit.

And got it for 80 bucks under retail - including shipping.

I seriously need to stay the hell away from eBay!!!!

but.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new toy, new toy, new toy!!!

Edit: And oh yeah - I got the skin too....

Front:


and back:

I showed it to my best boyfriend, and he was like - "Yeah, that's TOTALLLY you" and it is - a sassy ass black woman surrounded by blue. Despite my diary colors, I LOVVVVEEEE blue. In fact, I think my diary was almost always shades of blue until rather recently.

ipod obsession

See... I go through days - one day, I'm a good workerbee, diligently keeping my nose to the grindstone. The next, I'm all aflitter, screwing about online for most of the day.

So.....after realizing that the  40GB (12,000 songs!) is a 3rd Generation, and the 20GB (a mere 5,000 songs) is 4th Generation, I'mma quit being greedy, and get the 20GB. Now, of course there are two main questions.
1) What kinda skin do I get? and
2) What do I get engraved on it? I get two lines, 27 characters each like (a total of 54). Umm....let me go and grab the previous thoughts my bored little mind came up with:

• 'Turn the beat around...'  (quite cool, as it has the little turny ring thing in the middle)


• 'Get your own damn music!'


• 'I'm too sexy for my iPod!'(one vote for this from the LOVELY Bella!)


• 'Kneel before the Dancing Queen'


• 'I'm so bootylicious!!!'


• 'I can't hhheeeaaarrr you!!'


• 'Boogie Nights!  *dumdumdumdumda*'


• 'Everything must change - esp. my playlist!


• 'Dancing to the beat of my own damn drummer'

3) Of course though, the fact that I plan on getting a MacSkinz kinda defeats the purpose of getting something engraved, as it'll get covered up - but the engravings FREE! Free I tell you!
I'm thinking about either this one:

or this one:

or this one (just cuz it's soooo damn GIRLY!!)


though, this one is even girlier:


or, if I liked green a little more - this one:

Ahhh... choices, choices......

wonderous wonders

Really, I don't think there is anything much better than opening up your mail, and getting an unexpected windfall. I mean - seriously dude - having money just FALL into your lap like that - ROCKS. (speaking of which, I need to get a recipt from the lease breaking so that I can get THAT money back too!!)

So - what have I done with this LOVELY windfall??
1) Finally got C his birthday gift(s) - a new PS2, as his is being bitchly, an XboX, 5 new games, and an extra controller. The rawking ass part? I did it eeeeeeebbbbaaaayyyyyyyyy - and spent a smidgen over 300 for everything.  Yes, I'm encouraging him in his video game addiction. And yes, I know we are WAYYY behind the curve, as they are coming out with both a NEW XboX and a PS3.
2) I'm getting myself an iPod. Yayy!! Yayyy!!  And I'm getting one of those sexyass skins - ooohhh yeah baby!!! IP actually offers a tiny, tiny, discount...they normally cost 299.00 (ouchy, ouchy!) but I get to get it for 281.00!! Hey - that might be enough for me to get expedited shipping or sumthin. And, you can get laser engraving on the back for free - what do I want, what do I want?

• 'Turn the beat around...'  (quite cool, as it has the little turny ring thing in the middle)


• 'Get your own damn music!'


• 'I'm too sexy for my iPod, too sexy for my iPod, so sexy that it huuurrrtttsss'


• 'Kneel before the Dancing Queen'


• 'I can't hhheeeaaarrr you!!'


• 'Boogie Nights!  *dumdumdumdumda*'


• Any other suggestions???

3) I'm debating the last one - should I get a sewing machine, or should I fix the speakers in the car? sewing machine/speakers/sewing machine/speakers??? Of course, I might be able to get both, but I have no CLUE how much the speakers are gonna be. I figure the sewing machine I want would cost about 200 - ooohhh... scratch ALL that - I know exactly what I'm getting .....
4) NEW SHEETS FOR OUR BED!!! and a new damn duvet cover. Yes, LORD.

*off to shop online*

Oohhh....

a very rare entry from home. I've gotten mostly caught up on my 'home' stuff, though I STILL haven't washed my hair. Gah!

Let's see - what else? Ah yes - two days away from the first appointment with the therapist, it should be interesting seeing how that goes. I'm - gah - I'm confused by MYSELF right about now. I mean - am I just bored with my husband? I don't think so - I mean, he's still sexy, wonderful, amazing, giving, loving - all that good shit - it's just that I so RARELY wanna have sex with him.

And then, I'm thinking about this whole girlfriend thing, and while I think it'll be fun for a while, I'm SERIOUSLY not trying to find a 'girlfriend'. I want a running partner that I can have sex with sometimes - I think another married woman would actually be easiest - I guess I'm kinda nervous about T's expectations - and since she's a virgin - I REALLY don't wanna break her. *snicker* Besides the fact that the woman hasn't had sex in two years, and she doesn't own any toys - hell, I take that back, she might break ME. But - we'll see if there is any chemistry there. And once again, it's the whole one-on-one thing.... gah! Somehow, I don't THINK there honestly will be any chemistry - she's - needy. *shudder* And I really think she wants romance....and I'm like the anti-romantic - loving as hell, but - romance? ughha. I wanna be a slutwife. *sigh*

And I've also ALWAYS gotten along better with boys - just period. So - *sigh* I don't know what the hell I'm doing. We'll see.