A survey for the Duty-Impaired (Me!)

*grins* SURVEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! Yeah…. I’m bored. As usual. This one stolen off of BridgetJ who stole it from ShenelleS who got it from somebody who likes OpalFruits.

1. What would be your porn name? (Middle name & Street name)
Middle name and street name? Aisha Alabama. Ohhh… I would have to have a THICK southern accent to pull that one off. *dirty laugh* talk about never being hungry again…..
2. Name 5 videos you own.
Hmm…. Much Ado about Nothing, Dangerous Beauty, The Fifth Element, The Matrix, Next Friday.
3. Who was your favourite teacher?
Hmm…it would have to be my 10-12th grade math teacher. Cool lady.. made me feel really smart.
4. If you could have any three pets and not worry about size, mess, care or anything else what would you have?
Three kitties. No question. I might get those even having to deal with size & mess.
5. Favourite song of the moment that you could listen to over and over and over again.
Ummm.. anything by Jill Scott.
6. Least favourite thing to do ever
Clean
7. Most favourite thing to do
Read
8. Last book you read:
Uhhh… book called Sword-Singer by Jennifer Roberson. It is part two of a tetralogy (?). How many parts is that exactly I wonder? Seven?
9. How many out of the amount of people you have slept with do you wish you could take out and never have slept with them.
Ugh….ummm *thinks* about half. Most of the folx I slept with while I wasn’t in a relationship…some of them were worth it, but the rest *rolls eyes* Ugh.
10. Name two people you wished you had slept with and didn't.
Ummm….*LOL* one is LittleOne…but he is so totally out of my reach. The other would most likely be Papi. *grins* It would have been…good I think.


*siggghhs* That should have been longer. I feel...incomplete somehow. Ah well... off to find some more

Stay Jazzed

Happy Birthday Jazzy....

I'm 24. Not quite old, but older. It was a very quiet birthday (as usual) but I enjoyed it. My baby was here, and he is coming back... :)

Stay Jazzed.

Suspense Suspense

Sorry.. I din't mean to make it seem like a biigg secret. I am going to go and get some lovely house plants, one for each room. :)

Anybody have any suggestions as to strong healthy cheap plants??

Doctor CashMoney

Hi there beautiful people. I am really starting to dislike my job that isn’t really a job because I never do anything job. *sighs* What have I done today? Write about 8 emails, hunt down some coupons for glasses, try to get my bartending check, and go grocery shopping (which I’m still doing…needed a break). Note, that NONE of that stuff is work. At least not the work I get paid for. Speaking of which…I got paid today. : ) mind you, after paying 1920.00 in bills, there ain’t much left. *sighs* But anyhow…

Doctor news: I hate doctors…though that is partially my fault. For some dilly reason I expected the doctor to be on schedule, and so I made the two appointements back to back. Of course, the PCP was running about 45 minutes late, and thus I had to skip that appointment and go to the GYN one instead. *shrugs* I know I’m fine in THAT respect… so I have to wait until early February ti find out if anything else is wrong with me. Ah well. The GYN lady said that some of it may be due to my weight ( no…really??) and as for the rest I need to talk to the doc. Hm. An odd thing that happened was that as I talked to the GYN lady about losing weight, she recommended Weight Watchers. Now…not to put down or disregard all of the people who I am sure have had much success with Weight Watchers…paying for someone else’s food and for a point system that I could put together for myself makes utterly no sense to me. As I thought about this, I realized that any diet that I follow would have to have the following characteristics.

1) It would have to be free. In other words, I can’t afford to pay to buy a special kind of food, or sit with a group of other people and listen to them talk about their weight loss or lack thereof. I listen to that at work.

2) It would have to be relatively convenient. That was one of the problems I had with Atkins, in that it is kinda hard to avoid carbs all the time.

3) The food would have to taste good. I can live with smaller portions, but I will not eat a little or a lot of crap. Hunger? *shrugs* I’m used to ignoring hunger (side effect of fasting) and water can handle that. So maybe all I need to do is exercise and reduce portions. *snorts* yeah.. okay.

As for the whole exercise thing… *shrugs* I don’t know. I would most likely be best off walking (inside…it’s too damn cold to do it anywhere else) but as I walk so much now that wouldn’t be that big of a thing. Weight lifting is something that I LIKE to do, so I can do that. Anything jumpy hurts…knees & boobs. Flex exercises (yoga, Pilate’s) are cool…but not very cardio. I want to look for some adult dance classes, cuz that is one exercise I would love to do. Hmph. Now when I tell the doc all of this, is he going to be able to help me put something together that I can really work with? I hope so.

Umm…as I got paid this weekend, I am trying to figure out what I shall do for my birthday. I am considering going to a club and shake shake shaking my groove thing.. but I don’t know where to go…and I really wish I wasn’t going alone. *sighs* I really hate Chef’s hours sometimes. There is really nothing major I WANT to do for myself…and that can *I am really hating this word* afford. I have promised myself that I will never never never again be in the state that I was this week of being so damn broke. I had to return a filter that I brought for my camera before I left for Philly to be able to scrape together the money for the doctor’s co-pay. I get paid too damn much to be THAT damn broke. I know that I don’t have much room to complain cuz I have a roof over my head, clothes that fit and food on a regular. But still… I feel like I am living on the edge, and I am NOT even living luxuriously (except for this expensive ass apartment that I love so much). *sighs* Maybe I am on too much of a push to get my bills paid off, but…it feels right. I knew I was going to be broke for at least two years…I guess I just need to get used to it and settle down.

I want to make a list of everything that I need in my place to make my house a ‘home’. There are things that I want in my house, but because I don’t have the money (WHERE is it going??) or it’s bulky and so I can’t easily get it home.. I don’t have. I want to make a list so that I know just what I need to get, and then every month, get at least one thing off of that list.

Hmm… I know just what I will get this month…


Stay Jazzed.

Watching timmmme flow away

Ohh….ya’ll are great. Thanks for all the notes & stuff. I think I was really really really tired yesterday, and that added to me feeling even more like shit. Though I have to admit I went home and just lay in the middle of the floor for about 20 minutes before I could go and do anything.

*grins* Have I mentioned lately how wonderful Chef is? He was off yesterday, and at my house, and when I got home he was on his way out to get the stuff for my birthday/Christmas dinner. Oh my god…this man can cook his ass off. When food makes you curl your toes…and you get upset when you are full because you just can’t eat anymore…*sighs* what can I say. I slept while he was cooking (it took him like two hours) ate…split a bottle of champagne between the two of us, and watched Perfect Storm. *sighs* A wonder to behold is what he is. *grins* He takes care of me when I need it.

I’m trying to waste time before I leave to go to the appointment. : ) I’m a strange child. Random little thoughts pop through my head, and I try to figure out how to record them so that I can keep them… but there is no way to do so. HEY! Maybe I will go and find a good good survey. : )

Stay Jazzed.

Random Comment

My birthday is Saturday. I have utterly no clue what I am going to do. Lucky me...the OD is only 2 weeks off when it comes to my age.
Ugh. I'm going home, curling up in the middle of my bed, and going to sleep until tommorow morning.
I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person. Going to bed around 9:30 - 10ish, and getting up and going to work around 5am. Though I still have no problem sleeping an entire day away...seeing daylight on the weekends is pretty cool.
I hate hate hate being broke. *sighs*

Stay Jazzed!

I believe

Swiped this from an email... it's so gently sad & true.
I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.

I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them! .

I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.

I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.


I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourse! lf.

I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally.
different.

I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
! that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

Problemmmsss... nothing but problems...

This is mostly going to be me bitching about heatlh and other generally un-Jazzy things. Consider thyself warned.

I go to the doctors tomorrow. Both of them (my GYN and my PCP). For my sake, I hope he (both dudes…yeech) turns up something in the blood work or the tests that explains what the hell is wrong with me. I think I know, and if it is the case *crosses fingers* (who WISHES to be diagnosed with a life-long illness??) I will be so relived and happy. I have not been my usual self (health wise) since I have been here (in Indy). I have been sick three times, and I never ever get sick. I am so so tired, which makes no sense considering I am getting more sleep, and more rest in general than ever. I can’t remember shit, and I HURT. I feel like a big ole menstrual cramp has taken over my entire body. There are spots of me that ache that I didn’t know COULD hurt. Like the bottom of my feet, or my wrists, or the backs of my thighs. And mercy KNOWS I’m not exercising enough to get muscle aches like this. I get flash headaches that make me dizzy they hurt so much, but only last about 2 minutes and no matter how much water I drink and how much lotion I slather on, my skin still looks like who did what and why after about 2 hours. I’ve gained almost 40 pounds in the last 4 months, but I haven’t had shit for an appetite. Oh…and I am getting MOLES. They just pop up out of no where. Got two on my face, about three or four on my hands, and god knows how many more in other places. My eyes are dry and arrrrghhhhhhhhhhh…. *deep breath* In other words, physically, I feel like S-H-I-T.

For so one who generally has been healthy as a horse, this is driving my crazy. After the Period Fiasco of the past couple of months, I went online and poked around to see what could be wrong with me. Sometimes I think that the amount of knowledge available at your fingertips on the web is really really scary. After running through my symptoms and stuff, I think I might be hypothyroidic. It would explain a hell of a lot…why I’m always tired, always cold, gaining weight, and most, if not all of the other stuff I was bitching about being wrong with me, including getting sick easier. Anyhow… the downside to it is that if so, I would have to take a hormone replacement (yeech) for the rest of my natural given life… but the upside is that I might feel like a real human being again. If not… *sighs* I’m going to feel like the biggest hypochondriac there is. I think I have always had mild hypochondriac tendencies, but…usually they are just pregnancy paranoia.

*sighs* Okay… I had to get all that out. Physically I still feel like shit, but at least I feel a little better mentally. I have no problem going to the doctor, but I Have issues about talking about being sick. I think that is one part of the whole “Strong Black Woman” thing I have absorbed, that you should never be sick, never be ill, never really feel physical pain, or if you do feel it, don’t show it. And when the pain and aches is so minor but so utterly overwhelming at the same time, it really sucks because I feel like it could be ‘all in my head’. I don’t know. Well….

Stay Jazzed.

Holiday Recap

Well… I’m back at work the first time this year. Blagh I say once again. Nothing really new, but I guess I need to make some newness on my own.

The holidays were…different I must say. This break was…odd somehow. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it wasn’t the usual orgasm of fun and fremily love that I am used to. Maybe it is because we are all working folx now, and so that whole air of leisure that we used to have is gone. Or maybe it was the fact that I was sick as a very very sad dog for the first three or four days I was there, and I never really recovered from losing that time. I don’t know. The time simply flew by, and before I really knew it I was packing up to come back to Indy. *shrugs*

Christmas Eve – I was on an airplane early in the day, got picked up from the airport by one of my friends, ran out and got the very last present I needed and then crashed on the couch for the rest of the day.

Christmas Day – Got off the couch only to find more tissues, pour more orange juice, and go to the bathroom. If I actually celebrated Christmas, it would have been the saddest and most depressing Christmas ever. As it was.. it simply sucked because I HATE HATE HATE being sick.

One lovely thing that DID happen over the break was that I met my cousin, one of the many frist cousins that I have, but because my uncle is such a LARGE asshole, most of his children’s mothers have fled the area. Hm. That puts them in a worse light than it should. Let me put it this way. He has *thinks* 8 kids, by five different women, each of whom married him after dating him while he was married to the previous wife. *shakes head* And now he thinks his current wife is cheating on him…I say he is getting a taste of his own medicine. Anyhow…This girl-cousin is 15, one of the children of the wife who hates him the least. They live in Florida, and she wanted to spend Christmas with her father. I met her once, *thinks* didn’t really hit it off with her, mainly because I don’t like seeing my grandmother being treated like a fetch & serve girl in her own home and J (the cousin) followed her fathers lead in how she acted towards my grandmother.

We were supposed to have a family dinner together later that week, but as usual my uncle pulled a lovely asshole of a lie from SOMEWHERE to finagle his way out of it. The dinner was still nice though, with me, my mommy, my grandmother, my great aunt, my great cousin, and her man-friend. We had a good time and a lovely dinner. It’s a shame that J never really got to see the whole family…or at least her dad’s side of it. : ) It’s funny, I don’t evny her her father, knowing what I do of him. Such an asshole…anyhow…

New Years was quieter than I had planned. Originally the plan was for a group of 6 of us to get together in a hotel suite, and drink and play games and party and so forth. It ended up being a hen party, when all the guys punked out leaving the three ladies to sit in a suite ( a much smaller suite) eat good luck food and cheesecake, drink waaayyy too much wine and champagne, get jerked out of our comfy beds twice by a fake fire alarm, and sit up & watch the major Sex in the City marathon that HBO was kind enough to provide.

Oddly enough the best part of my holiday was the few days I had at home. I missed Chef so so much.. : ) It was lovely seeing him again. We exchanged gifts and he loved the gift that I gave him…at least the second half. The first part was a store gift some lovely Hugo colonge. Ladies…if you like that fresh airy smell of your man… TRY IT OUT. *grins* Get’s my tummy tickling just thinking about it…anyhow. The second part of the gift was a kinda memory book with pictures and thoughts and collages and bits of poetry and stuff in it. He enjoyed it a lot. What did he get me you ask….. a TRIPOD. A simply lovely tall as me sturdy collaspes to a little under 2 feet long TRIPOD. Oh… this man may have my heart I tell you. Umm we spent lots of time just lingering around the house. I have money issues. I didn’t want to go out anywhere because I knew that I couldn’t afford it, even though knowing him he would have paid for it all anyhow. *sighs*

Hmm… anything else exciting going on in my life? Not really… after I finished the drugs they gave me my period FINALLY showed up…but I am going to the doctor again this week and see if they can tell me something good, as well as to get a much much more reliable form of birth control. Then I am going to my regular doctor for my initial appointment, as well as to get him to put me on some sort of weight reduction plan. It’s got to come off, and as I don’t really trust myself to do this right, healthly and on my own, I figured I would get the doc to help me out. My goal is to lose at least 100 pounds by the time I turn 25. That gives me about a year. I might not hit 100 on the nose, but if I am with 15 pounds of it I will be happy. And the scary part is…I can lose 100 pounds and not be the least bit anorexic looking. *sighs*

Well… ending on a slightly happier note… I have made it through everyone’s diary… (except for Kelly who made her diary private… What’s going on lady????) and left many a note. I hope that everyone has a happy and lovely year…better then last year and worse than next year. : )

Stay Jazzed.

Y2K1

I'm back......It was a lovely vacation, though my time in Philly went by way way too quickly.

Happy New Year OpenDiary... I'm trying to catch up on everyone's diares, but that will take me a few days...until then...Hry Ya'll...

Stay Jazzed.