Man Problems....

So why, exactly, am I freaking out about telling my husband about my plans? Okay - maybe no FREAKING out - but just - deeply nervous.
We were on Atkins together, and - he, being a man, lost weight SO much easier than I did, as well as not having to be NEARLY as strict. With me, if I even LOOKED at something high carb, I put three pounds back on.
He's also a chef - so a lot of our life revolves around good food, and good wine - and that can definitely be a benefit when it comes to creating yummy and interesting menus... I don't know.
I mean - I think that part of it is the whole - denial - thing that I was talking about in the last entry. I mean, if I can't admit to MYSELF that things have gotten out of control, how can I possibily admit it to the man I love? And god knows, I weighed more when I met him, and he still loved me, and I weighed less when I married him, and he still loved me, and I weigh more now, and he STILL loves me and finds me sexy and wants to jump my bones on the regular, so what is it?
Is it fear that once I tell him, I'll be accountable for my actions? That I'll have someone in the house who knows what I should - and should not be doing - and therefore I have an 'external' honesty control? Is it the fear that we won't be eating together? (though, honestly, I've noticed that we RARELY eat the same meal most nights anyhow). Is it fear that I will fail, and because he knows what I was doing, I won't be able to gloss over the failure as I could to myself? Is it fear because there's no 'name' for my program, I'm just going to be doing all the shit that all the weightloss books/articles/people say you should be doing? Is it fear that I'm being unfair my changing how we interact because I want to lose weight? Though, really, if most of our interaction is about/around food, that's an unhealthy pattern of behaviour ANYHOW. Is it fear of the frustration when he eats up all the good food that I've brought for lunchs/dinners? Is it fear of succeeding TOO well, and having all the men drool over me and tempt me? I don't know. I don't even know how to sit down and bring this up...I'm putting together the grocery list, and I think that is where I will start.
And ya know, part of it might be guilt because I've been mulling this over in my head, but haven't mentioned it to him, and thus - well, I feel like I've been sneaking somehow.

And the really sad part is that I KNOW that I'm tripping, and all of these fears are utterly pointless, and he will be wonderful and supportive and loving and my biggest cheerleader/encourager - so why do I feel like telling him about this is akin to being pulled on the carpet in front of my boss? We don't even have that type of RELATIONSHIP! Gahds, I need to be pyshcoanalyzed sometimes, I swear.

So - I'm trying to think of the right opener. I tried talking about changing our diet a few weeks ago, and just approached it SOOOO horribily wrong - gah, I can't believe how I hosed that one up. And that's my stumbling block - I don't know HOW to bring it up. And even more than that - I don't know what I want his role to be in this - a useful tripod to take progress pictures? A stubborn alarm clock, making sure I get up every morning? Hands-off, only complimenting me when he can see a distinctive change? I don't know - but I think that it'll be interesting, no matter what.

Yet, at the same time, I still have this distinctly unsettled feeling in my throat. Why?????