The Dash Between

I need - more structure. Gah! That's always been a downfall in my doing anything independantly - I need/crave structure around it. I don't function well in an environment where I'm told to build the pyramids, but given no - outline - as to how they should be built.

There's GOT to be a - outline, I suppose - somewhere - that would be able to at least inspire me on how to follow this path - an outline that would not require me to become a devotee of a particular path.

I've been floundering for the last few days - just trying to - grasp some part of the enormity of what I'm attempting. I *laughs* I have been consiously trying NOT to swear as much as I normally do, and consiously trying to be consious about each step I take and whether it's within Ma'at, and - it's peaceful. It's - graceful, even. But it's still quite definitely incomplete.

I still haven't fired the Ma'at statue I have - I'm debating on whether I should keep it, or if I should start another one. I think that I will totally blank out the face, and keep it - but also start on another one the same size.

One thing I must say, is that I'm - slowly coming to realize that I need to get in touch with some other Netjer other than just Ma'at. I need something and - it's not quite a nudge - but I feel like I'm being led down a path that I can't even see, much less predict where it will end. *grins* It's rather frightening and lovely, all at once.

I still want to find a syllabus. A real one. Gah! Not as if one that I would make wouldn't be real - but it might not be nearly as effective.
And - I'm - I don't know. I need to work on my shrine. Maybe that is what I will do today - I've got the declarations, now all I need to do is figure out how to mount them on the shrine.

And I think that I will treat myself to several books that are being offered on eBay.

Gah. I'm walking, I'm moving forward, I just don't know where I'm going.