Work - stuff.

So - I'm workng on my development plan for this year. Sometimes - I really wonder if it IS me that's the problem, as I don't remember recieving any notification that it was development time, but the rest of the team seem to be fully informed, so - *shrugs* I don't know.

I'm sitting here trying to fill this out - and I'm having a really hard time not basing any of it on my review from last year. (If you missed that drama, go back a few days and read 'Slow Furious Boil'). Over the last week - it's been - odd. At my last job, we were a real team. If there were interpersonal issues, they came out to the surface rather quickly, and everyone knew exactly where they stood. I thought it was the same way here, but based on my review - it's not. People here backstab, gossip behind your back, and tell the manager things that they don't have the cohones to tell you. And - I have a really hard time working in that sort of environment. I'm - not used to working with people that aren't honest with each other. I'm not used to working in a place that is so - calm on the surface and troubled underwater.

I'm supposed to select two weakness that I have, and that I want to improve - and all I can focus on is interpersonal development. I feel like I screwed up somewhere in my interactions with my team, and I want to repair that - but it's so damn insidious, that it's not something you can point to and say - "There's the problem!". And considering that newboss is saying that last years review doesn't exist to him - I KNOW that I shouldn't focus on repairing what I was told was broken - but I don't know what else to do, because everything that I think of wraps back to - Results Below Expectations.

*deep breath*

If I ignore the interpersonal aspects of my review, I suppose two things that stand out most are missing project tasks, and leaving errors in my work for other coworkers to repair - but then, of course, there is the lack of overall drive too. I'm taking this WAY too personally - but my work, my performance, it IS personal to me. Being considered loyal, reliable, and talented is - it's a big part of how I view myself, and how I assumed that others viewed me. So - it's a shock. It's a shakeup. Which is why I'm focused so hard on it.....

Okay. Two core competencies to improve. Let's do - Drive for Results and.....
Peer Relationships? The thing that keeps setting me for a loop is coming up with action items for them. I - I don't - I honestly don't think that I failed in Peer Relationships, I feel like I was backstabbed. So - not that one. Lets do....Dealing with Ambiguity. Huh. I can use that skill everywhere in my life.