Blues Clues

I am so...just so out of it. I think that any other time the fact that I am so...deluged with work would be okay...but these are finals. (Yeah...there is gonna be some repetion...be warned). Senior year finals. Dear merciful one I cannot fuck this up. I am so stressed and tired and wiped and just all out of it that I hurt mentally, and there isn't shit I can do except suffer through it and hope that I get some blinding clarity that will let everything go smoothly. And I am sick & tired of people telling me empty platitudes like 'You will be okay' or 'Don't worry' or 'Be positive' . Really...none of that is going to help me right now. None of that is going to do a damn thing but make me feel worse if I fail, and irritating the hell out of me now. And I have to go to work tommorow. Mercy...I have to focus on the little bits...the pieces of time that matter. The fact that ALL of the little pieces of time matter I have to ignore.
Anyway, I did two exciting & interesting things today...I got my aftercare checkup done...and came out with a clean bill of health. As part of it they gave me some pills, and I had to sign the reams of paperwork that was attached to my medical file. The description of the abortion itself was amazing. I haven't decided if this is morbid, or odd , or what.. but I wish that I could have seen what she looked like. Yeah I know...most likely a bloody broken mess, but she was my baby...and after reading the description of the 'material' that was removed...I wonder what it looks like. It sounded like it was really...distinct...less of a mess and more of a child than I thought. Mercy. So that was interesting...at least to me. The slightly more interesting/exciting thing was I played the lottery. *shrugs* Who knows...I might win a little something. I really don't think that I would finish finals if I did. I would just come back and take the whole semester over in bits & pieces. I mean I would be able to pay for it. Also along the cashmoney train of thought, I got the corporate card from E.L. today. I promptly made my reservations for the trip to Indy, as well as the return trip from DC. I wasted entirely too much time doing so, but at least it was a little peaceful & quiet time. I managed to get some really great deals...and just the way I wanted them too...
I think that is all for now... I have another entry up in me... but that one will have to flower later.

Stay Jazzed.