Here comes the.....

Written (or at leat thought about) May 21, 2000

Dumdumdum dummmdumdumdummdum…. * hums the graduation march * Okay.. even though they didn’t actually PLAY the march today (they used it all up on Class Day yesterday) I still had the feeling of really being in a processional. I am sure that the fact that I was the Marshall (my last name puts me at the top of most alphabetical lists) for all of the Bachelor of Science candidates helped. I don’t think I have ever been THAT nervous… and most of the people in there were not even looking AT me, because they were looking for someone else. *smiles * How do brides pull it off?
The commencement itself wasn’t too bad. And even though it was 3 and ½ hours long, it truly did not feel like it. We (the bachelors of science) were waiting, rather impatiently I might add, for the 330 BA’s to be called and receive their Diploma (a cover...a EMPTY cover) and we watched nervous and excited and envious as they turned their tassels. And suddenly….The President instructed us to rise, and all of the blood left my hands. I was HYPED. I wanted to scream to laugh to cry to dance…. I thought I was going to go crazy… I was the first to walk up, and I just knew I was going to stumble and fall…but I made it to the stage, the lady did not butcher my name, and I damn near snatched that empty cover out of the President’s hand… and then I think I floated across the stage because I don’t remember walking. All I remember is smiling and feeling nothing but joy. Back at the pew, I stood and watched and waited as the rest of the BS’s received their covers, and the smiles & tears that lit up the stage and their faces was amazing. The BA’s had been calm and staid compared to the expressions of joy that went across those women’s faces. Relief and excitement and nervousness, and once I think I saw a little fear…all as the moved from one side of the stage to the other. Then it was done. OUR valedictorian (her last name started with a Z…but she was most certainly TOPS in our class) crossed the stage…and we were almost crazy with anticipation…. As she said the RIGHTS… we sighed….and the PRIVELEGDES…. we cheered. Those four or five or six years of hard work were paying off… in a few seconds we would be entitled to the RIGHTS & THE PRIVELEDGES that these years had groomed us, taught us and trained us for. We waited…. Hands poised at the tassel, eyes fixed on her lips.. When those words finally came bubbling out of her lips we CHEERED like we had just….graduated. : ) I hadn’t cried….couldn’t even pretend to try to, I was sooooo joyful. Then we stood and held hands and began to sing the school song. The sound of a church full of WOMEN singing has got to be almost the most amazing sound there is.. and we sang our good-byes into the cathedral, and we sang of the friendships we found.. and the loves we lost and the dreams we came in with, and the hopes we were leaving with…and THAT is when it hit me. I suddenly realized that I wouldn’t be seeing most of these women again for a very long time. That this was it…the end… this is where our paths diverged, and that is when I started to cry. That is when the real feelings of loss hit me. Why I had not realized that this loss came as part of graduation before hand, I have no clue…but suddenly… I was sad.
We processed out of the chapel, and it took me about 20 minutes to find my family. I was hugged and kissed and lavished with love… and then I had to snatch my camera from my mother and start hunting for my classmates…those who I would want to remember. As I was taking more and more pictures the sadness settled a little more in me, and seeing all the smiles brought some joy. It had poured during the ceremony, so the world had a clean fresh smell and look to it. And most of the faces around me, even those that were red-rimmed with tears, had a look of eager anticipation, of straining to be GONE from here and into the rest of their lives.
I left the cathedral with sad good-byes and promises to email dancing in my ears. I had just taken the last step of my young adulthood...I had just processed away from any excuse at childhood. The rest of my life beckoned me…and I am looking forward to it with joy.
Stay Jazzed