Changing Faces

Why must the madness that is the friendship between me & Little One be so…mad? I have more or less given up on understanding him, more or less given up on him being and acting anything like your average human type person. But then I do something like spend a day with him, and everything gets turned all topsy-turvy again. So here is the tale, and here is the story.

He has a perfectly lovey job as a nurse in one of the major major big hospitals in MyTown’s area that keeps him working 12 hour shifts, and today was his only day off, so we went out to do our tradition of taking pictures in some park. It’s simply amazing to be with him in person and see how much freer and open he is than how he appears to be online. And it is also quite astonishing to realize that he is a master and saying very very little and meaning oh so much. Anyhow, we went riding around, on our way to the park. He was kind enough to take me on a few errands (since he had the benefit of a car) and go with me to visit my grandmother briefly. I wanted to go and visit my teachers and hand out thank you cards to them (still racking up from graduation) but I was having such a laid back time with hi, I opted not to…it would have taken away from the little bit of time that we could have together. He showed me *grins * big houses… damn near mansions of housing complexes that had sprung up in the far out suburbs. It was sad to see such progress and beauty only a few miles away from the dismal existence of MyTown, but…isn’t that how the USA is?

Finally…. We reached the park, and we began to take pictures. Mostly of flowers & grasses & trees & weeds. : ) My favorites, we did a lot of walking and exploring and then he hit me with the bombshell.… he wanted me to take nude pictures of him. * laughs * To say that I was in a mild state of shock is saying little. It’s odd that after all of this time of lusting after this boy, and praying that he would show me the LEAST bit of attention outside of a brotherly way, it was NOW… when I didn’t even WANT the child anymore…. That I would get to see his body. * sighs* As we rode back to his house to get some clothes that he could do quick changes out of, I knew that somewhere, something was getting a very good laugh at all of this.

I have never, in all of my life had so much fun with photography, never felt such a creative force in me as I did for those 2 ½ hours that we were out there. I know that it was partially because of my own eyes looking at him & the scenery, but it was also because I had such a wonderful & willing model, someone who was cool with sitting in ice cold water to get a good picture…someone who managed not to laugh at the sight of me in my sandals scrambling up rocks and under bushes. He has almost as good of a creative eye as I do (or better) and since what he wanted to have pictures of and what I wanted to take pictures of were roughly the same thing….everything came out rather well. Mind you, during this entire thing I was…hmm… aware of him as a model first, then Little One, then as a naked man. Interesting hm? I felt like FINALLLY….. we had reached a stable point, where both of our concepts of what the relationship was balanced out….fast forward to that night.

Me, Little One, Nee & JJ had decided to meet for dinner, hang out and kick it for a bit. I realized at that dinner table that I have been utterly spoiled by the caliber of friends that I have. I expect everything from them, and tend to get it. I have the most brilliant, beautiful, intelligent & open-minded people as friends… it is simply wonderful & amazing. Anyhooow…. Dinner was hoot…and afterwards me & Nee wanted to party… get a little bit of a groove.. a little bit of a shake on… in other words we was gonna go clubbing. We invited Little One & JJ , but they both begged off since they had to go to work in the morning, and it was already close to 11. So off to Nee’s house to collect some money and some clubbin clothes… and then we were off to the club. On our way there… the other shoe fell.

Nee & Little One had been having a conversation about his twisted relationships, and she was trying to grasp an understanding of his concept of friendship… in the process he asked him if he was sexually attracted to me….and the fool said yes. As she tells me this my mouth drops, my eyes glaze over, and I go into a state of shock. * sighs * just when I thought it was all over, all at piece and stuff, this pops up. Urgh.

There was nothing I could do or say…and in fact I simply pushed it to the back of my mind. I refuse to accept it, and in fact plan on totally ignoring it. The fact really doesn’t make a difference at this point, and since it is totally contrary to the way the child treats me… it won’t have much of an affect of our relationship. I hope. The day ended much as it had begun…with me staring at the roses on my dresser… and wondering exactly who the hell he is.

Stay Jazzed