The Final Days...

All I have to say is I realllly need to learn how to drive. Traipsing across the little behind city is no fun…and mercy knows I am not going to want to do it in Indy… but the money the money the money… it’s always the money.

Today (since my plans were interrupted yesterday) I spent wandering around, visiting my old teachers and giving out thank you cards. Once again I had that feeling of a paragon… something to be looked up to. It really isn’t a good feeling… because it makes you scared to be human, to fail, to change from the high high road that you were balancing on, to a lower one that you can walk on with freedom. It limits you in what you can do, constrains you to what a paragon would be, and not who you are. Anyway… I did all my last visiting today… went to see my grandmother again and raid her closet, went to see my great-aunt… who seems trapped in her house with her husband like a mouse with a cat at it’s door….

I visited Mrs. J a woman who defies all of that ‘When you get old you can’t do blah blah blah’ mess that my grandmother chirps… every time I visit Mrs. J she refreshes me, and make me think that HEY…. that is how I want to be when I grow up and older.. I want to be a go-getter… a hot ass and an active woman…someone who knows that she has paid all of her dues.. and the world is there for her to enjoy..swung past the library one last time… got some email addresses of folx that I HAVE to keep in touch with.. some of those solid grandmothers and great grandmothers that remember how this city once was…

My mother then took me out to eat… *smiles * MAN but I love her…. so cool so wonderful and still my Momma… without a doubt or a bit of shame… she is the MOTHER, and I can do nothing but respect that.

After we got back in the house Little One came over and we went down to south street (another of those traditions) to browse about… that had to be even more depressing than MyTown. I have never in all of my life seen so many empty young people. Girls with the eyes of whores, dressed to get the most dicktention that they can, and the men who swivel their heads to look. The men who are rude & feed upon the young girls… and I do mean young. *sighs* I don’t even think that I can fully explain what I saw.. but I felt it… it was an utter lack of spirit…there was no peace on the street… no looking towards anything that was not either sexual or material…there was no thought of what could be, of what there is within themselves that could make them more beautiful than any amount of Mac or Lancôme ever could. There was no understanding that a fat wallet cannot conceal an empty heart… that a fat ass does not make up for a lean spirit. *sighs* It Hurt me to watch that… painful painful… painful….

Stay Jazzed.