Mothering

So. I've just got off the phone with my mother. We've been having these kind of conversations a lot lately - where she tries to tell me what I should do with my life, and I gently try to tell her that there is no way in HELL I will ever willingly turn myself into a wage slave again simply for the pleasure of 'having' stuff.
L. tells me that because we grew up around money (which maybe he did - but I certainly didn't) we had the freedom to be able to see what else would make us happy besides money. I don't know - maybe that is it. But, I do know that as I've gotten older, more in touch with myself, and wiser - I've begun to realize that the 'money first' attitude isn't mine. It's no longer the #1 thing on my list of need to have. Maybe I can fix my mouth to say that because I've never TRULY been short of money. I've never had to decide whether to pay the phone bill or the electric bill because covering both wasn't possible. I've never had to make excuses to my children as to why we are having the same thing to eat for dinner AGAIN. But - at the same time, I don't want to have to chose between going to a meeting or going to the ballet recital I've worked so hard to afford. I don't want to work so long and doing something that I hate - simply for the money. I don't want to HAVE to work to the bone to have the 'things' I've been told that I need/deserve - but not being happy.
She told me tonight - sometimes if one has a goal, one has to sacrifice to reach it. I agree. And I've sacrificed - but it should be okay to draw a line in the sand and say "Here. I can give up no more - I WILL not give up anymore in order to have more THINGS around me." It should be acceptable to say - No more. The money isn't worth MY LIFE.
I don't plan on being poor - heavens no. I've got too much of a champange taste for that. But - I do plan on being HAPPY. And if being happy means that I don't make as much as a dentist does - hey. I can live with that. If being happy means that I won't be able to afford to drive a new car every other year - hey. I can LIVE with that. But - she doesn't see the huge realm of possibilities between working 80 hours a week at a job I hate but lets me bring home 150,000 a year - and working at a 7-11 struggling from paycheck to paycheck with no money to take my children to art classes or museums.

I haven't had the heart to tell her that I'm pretty sure of what I want to do with my life - simply because I'm almost sure that she wouldn't approve. It doesn't make enough money for her - besides not being the least bit impressive. Sometimes, I really wonder how she managed to raise a child with so much of her sense of money, but with such an unattraction to it.

I imagine it must be hard for her though. To see me, her pride & joy, talking madness about being happy - no matter the money. It must be worrying for her - to see me so willing to apparently toss everything she's taught me away for some 'emotional' feeling.

I don't know. Maybe I am a little too idealistic. Maybe I have painted a rosy picture in my mind of what a simpler life would be like. Even still, I yearn for it.