Circular

I haven't started The Artist's Way yet. I keep putting it off, and I know exactly why. I'm terrified of finding out that actually - I'm not an artist, and I'll never be an artist. I'm frightened of holding up a mirror to my talent and my inspiration and see nothing worthy reflected back. I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be an artist - that I have any scrap of artistic ability or design in me - and that scares me as part of who I think I am is an artistic person.
Of course - part of the problem is the definition of artistic/creative. I can write - marginally. I can photograph - occasionally. I can't paint, or draw or dance or sing or scuplt or throw pots or any of that kind of 'artsy fartsy' stuff. However - I'm imaginative. I'm intuitive. I have a good eye for beauty and items of interest. I've got a great sense of color. I appreciate art in all of it forms, but I'm not sure that I can be a worthy creator of art.
Of course - that then leads into the question - what makes art worthy? It is being presented in a gallery? Is it being published? Is it the accolades of others? Is it just my own appreciation of what I've done? A classic cliche is that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and to me, art should be beautiful/interesting/intriguing to more eyes than just mine. But - what a sneaky catch-22 I present to myself - I'm afraid that I'm not a real artist, so I never expose my art to others, so I never have the chance to find out if I AM a real artist or not.
It's starting to come to a point where I HAVE to know, one way or another. I can't stay in this shamed limbo - where I don't feel comfortable claiming to be an artist, and I'm not happy thinking of myself as someone who isn't an artist.
I also wonder if my surrondings have anything to do with it - in school I felt like much more of an artist than I do now. I had - exposure to such a wide variety of things that my mind was constantly in a state of creative ferment. Now, I feel like my colors are dull and blurred, and my art comes out the same way - dull and empty. Yet, I'm not willing to place the 'blame' on my surrondings - true artists turn their surroundings into art, no matter how ugly they are.
Maybe my problem is with my pre-concieved notions of what an artist has to be.
An artist should be...
unique
openminded
passionate
intensely focused
constantly producing
communally focused
political
talented
effortless
different
flighty
free-spirited
inventive
charismatic
dedicated
obsessed
unencumbered
poor
unstable
surrounded by beauty or conflict
inspired

MerriamWebster tells me that an artist is:
1 : one who professes and practices an imaginative art
2 : a person skilled in one of the fine arts
3 : a skilled performer; especially : ARTISTE
4 : one who is adept at something

That's a much less demanding definition - essentially it tells me that the intention and the practice of art is all it requires to be an artist. I have the intention - that is always there with me, it's the practice in which I slip up at,and the more pratice I have, the closer I will come to being skilled. And The Artist's Way is supposed to help you with JUST that - recovering my creativity from a variety of blocks, including limiting beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy, guilt, addictions, and other inhibiting forces, replacing them with artistic confidence and productivity. Yes - I think that if I'm not yet an artist, I can become an artist. I'm taking tomorrow off, and I will start The Artist's Way .

What a painful circle that was.