Hmmm, yes, it's high time to start detangling the hair. I've got a couple of small knots in the back, and my number of fairy knots has just gone through the roof. Hopefully some water and conditioner will get them out. I think the glycerine doesn't help either, as it's slightly - tacky - and thus attracts lint, and if my hair has something to twine around, it will. Hrrmmm - I think that just means I HAVE to do daily rinses - whether in the morning or at night, to be sure that the glycerine doesn't hold onto any lint - cuz my hair DOES love my mister mix - gylcerine, jojoba, tiny bit of TTO, and a splush of HoneyHemp, and water. Ooh, I added some rosewater too this last go around, to sweeten up the smell of the TTO. Man, but that stuff (TTO) is strong!

I haven't used any Lenzi's all week - I realized that would be WAY too much manipulation of my loose hair, and I would regret it come the end of the week. However - since skipping the Lenzi's, I've noticed that my scalp doesn't itch AT ALL. So - is the Lenzi's too heavy for my scalp, or am I just too heavyhanded with it? I think I'll try to lighten up on the Lenzi's a little - still use it, but use much less.

I think I might henna tonight - though - I HAVE said that I don't wanna sleep on Henna. I might jsut have to bring the old pillows to bed. Hrm, no - I take that back. I'm going to Amla/Shikaiki/Conditioner my hair tonight, Henna tomorrow, practice yarn twists tomorrow night, leave it alone Saturday, and then do the yarn twists Saturday night and Sunday and Monday.... That SHOULD give me enough time to finish before I go back to work on Tuesday, along with everything else I plan on doing.

I'm switching up my henna recipe this go around, after a question/thought was raised on LHCF about mixing coconut milk, lime, and henna together - the ultimate natural decurler. I don't THINK it'll do much - but I'm willing to try. I actually have some of the coconut/lime mix in my freezer left over from last time. I think it has some conditioner in it, and some honey too - so that'll be a perfect mix to add my FNWL henna to. I'll use the leftover C/L stuff as the liquid (I'm not going to heat it up - I'll jsut leave the henna on the porch - it's warm enough for that again!), and make my usual thick as all get out mix. Then mix in extra condish to make it hair worthy, and freeze the rest again. I've also promised (Hi Just_Isabel!!! :lol:) pictures of my head wrapped in saran wrap, so I think that I'm going to do a photo montage of my hennatype adventures - have to remind DH to leave the camera home.

Hrrmmm. It's taken me almost an hour to write this, as I take pauses to work, read other forums, play in my hair (the breakage is still close to NOTHING - I get a few, but they are either red, or obvious splits, so I'm happy - shedding is about 4-5 caught a day.... I'm sure it's a whole HORDE of shed hairs waiting for me) - but it's almsot time to go home.

I'm sure I'll be back. :lol:

Hairsta la Vista!

*kisses & Meez*

Hullo.

 

 

Aren't I adorable? I wish C could be on the couch, playing a video game. That would be about perfect.

*happy dance*

About a month or so ago, in a fit of hopeful anticipation, I requested this Friday and Monday off, so that ya know - in CASE TheBoy actually wasn't working, we would be able to go someplace - nothing too fancy... we were thinking of jsut riding down to Tunica, getting a hotel room and a massage, and relaxing.

But. Since Mr.Man is not only the Exec, but also the Iterim F&B Manager, and his 'sous' chef does stupid shit like buying Velveeta for a cheese platter when they have an entire fridge full of cheese (Doh!), he's going to be at work for most of the weekend. We ARE still going out to dinner - and he actually made the reservations, which REALLY makes me feel special, as I'm usually the one to do that. Ahhh, love.

Now, a normal type girl would be - a little down maybe - that an aniversary wouldn't be celebrated with a big shindig. Me, though? I'm kinda stoked. For two reasons.

1) We aren't spending money- even the dinner is mostly free. Yeah, I'm THAT cheap.
2) It gives me a 4 day weekend! With no plans!!

I could hang out with the SG folx - they have bowling Saturday night, and then a Looney Tunes rit on Sunday, but I'm not.

Instead - I'm going to set up the garden!! I have to empty the car of all the HDespot crap that I've been carting around all week (what? I haven't felt like unloading the car! ) to make room for MORE home despot crap.

So far - these are my plans for the Four Day Weekend.

1) Set up the Garden. This includes making the raised beds, tilling/ripping the last bit of greenery still alive under the carpet and leveling the ground a little, setting up the beds, and filling them with dirt and compost. If I'm feeling REALLY froggy, I'll try to plant some seeds, too.

2) Install at least ONE ceiling fan. We got four (replacing all of the fans in the house, and that's what's been rattling around the 'trunk' all week), but I think that the one in the bedroom is the most important, as Mr. Hotblooded decided to turn on the upstairs A/C last night. Dude! It's really NOT that hot - but without air circulation, it gets purty darn warm upstairs.

3) Give myself extensions. I've been saying that I'm going to put in yarn twists for MONTHS - but I was waiting til all the red was out of my hair. It's all out - and I don't know the next time I'll have a really FREE weekend (where I can be at home allllll weekend) so, I'm going to at least TRY.

*happy dance*twirling*singing*breaks out into a musical routine*

So.

I plan on taking LOTS of pictures, so I can record the hard HARD work I'm about to put in tomorrow. I'm actually kinda hoping that it rains, as the rain keeps down the squeeters, and makes the dirt softer.

Anything in particular ya'll wanna see pictures of?

Woot! Time to go - have a lovely weekend, ya'll!

12:59

 

I took the cup out tonight - just a few minutes ago in fact. It's CD26.

I'm slightly scared to go to sleep - worried that I'll wake up in a pool of blood. At least, I have the waterproof (and thus blood proof, I would assume) mattress pad on the bed - so at the worst, I'll just have some sheets to wash.

I'm starting to cramp a little - I wonder if that's my ute's sigh/sign of joy at finally being free of the bloody cup.

I THINK the OPK was a little darker than it's been tonight - something else to remember - always take pictures, no matter how light the test line might be.

Seriously, I might need to get C his own camera, cuz I mean, SHEESH. The man downright bogards mine.

I'm happy. It might still be possible - this month. Oh, squee! Seriously. I'm Squeeworthy, over here.

G'night

1:05

One. Two. Three.

Last night I told him that I can't wait until we've been together longer than we've been apart. Which, funnily enough, is NOT the sentiment we were actually voicing on the night before the wedding. In fact, if I remember right, we were in the midst of a HUGE fight.

For life, til death do us part.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, My Love!!

I had a really lazy weekend, and totally did NOT feel like combing my hair - so I didn't. I'm rocking the same wee fro that I've had all weekend - and I'm actually kinda liking it. I didn't take pictures of my products either. I didn't use the amla/shikakia either. :lol: I clarified with some BS & conditioner - though really, I used it to get my hair as curly as possible.

My mullet is more or less gone in the back - I can FEEL that the hair is two different textures, but it's at least shrunk up about to its limit. Interestingly enough, I also have mulletworthy hair on the sides, right above/behind my ears. I can pull that behind my ears (thankfully), but it likes to puff out. In general though, shrinkage is AMAZING. My hair looks like it's about 3/4 of an inch long - prompting several of my coworkers to ask me how I liked my new hair cut. :lol:

I'm playing in my hair, of course, and I'm VERY VERY pleased with how it feels and how much hair is coming out.
I've switched up my mister already - water, a tiny bit of TTO, glycerine, Humectress, and some jojoba :oops:. Yeah, there was some tucked in my cabinet too. I like how my hair feels - it's smooth and soft, but not too soft. And when I pull it straight, it boings right back into place. And it's DENSE - dear god, is this dense. Talk about a fabulous sunscreen. I've got this funky cool little patch of red hair right at the front top of my hair too - it's interesting. Looks like I did highlights, but I didn't, actually.

I'm debating leaving my hair like this all week - kind of a reward for having gotten so far with it, as well as to give my hair some 'breathing' time before I do the yarn twists. Also, I'm lazy. :lol:

hrm. I thought there was something else, but I can't think of it, so oh well.

http://public.fotki.com/malaikablu/style_how-tos_produ/

Yes, Yes.

.............

I come, and I stare, and I rack my brain, and - really. Nothing is going on - new like, in my life. Well, nothing that I consider of enough gripping interest that YOU folx would want to know about.

And maybe that's it. I love ya'll dearly, I do, and treasure the wonderful ODbond that has formed.

But. This is MY diary.

And sometimes, I think that - dammit - I think that I censor myself based on what I THINK other people want/need from me. And yeah, this is about way more than just OD.

And I'm slowly coming to realize that - well, not slowly, but the realization bitch slapped me a few days ago, and I'm still slowly coming to terms with it - but I'm coming to realize that not only am I doing MYSELF a disservice, it's an insult - really - to everyone I call friend.

At the same time - it's HARD. Oh dear me, is it hard. And it really shouldn't be, ya know? I shouldn't be afraid of being me. I shouldn't be ashamed of being me. As much as I talk about not requiring approval from others - deep down, I want it. I like feeling stroked and appreciated - and I cringe - on a souldeep level - when I am shunned/ignored/pushed aside. I'm a party girl at heart - but I'm a party girl who has never been one of the cool kids - always forming my own little party of three or so in the corner.

And, over the years I've convinced myself that I'm just so - different - that it's kinda expected I would be the odd kid out. I'm from Jupiter, you see, and therefore I don't have to TRY to fit in. And really - I don't want to fit in.

I just don't want to be afraid of not fitting in.

Also (and I'm only a marginal believer in the concept of horoscopes, but after a couple of nice solid nudges, a girl has to sit up and pay attention) my last few horoscopes/inspirational emails have all had the same thing of authenticity and of selfcenteredness and selfawareness.

I've got to break out of my shell. I HAVE to. I've finally - finally - grown to the point where the shell isn't giving anymore. And it's starting to make me feel stagnant, and guilty, and withdrawn that I can't give what I know I CAN give - and oftentimes want to give - but I just can't break through fully enough to pull it off.

I want to be the full sunhearted, moonbellied woman that I KNOW I am.

I'm just terrified that being me will be an impostion on people, and I'll be left all alone.

*sigh*

Well. Looks like I did have something on my mind, afterall.

12:23

Still bleeding. *shrugs* Whatever.

I'm. I'm in a mood, really. And, I know - in my heart of hearts that coming down off of the shrooms caused the mood - but, no. It allowed me to fully experience the change.

I'm broken. Really, I am. And the only way to fix that is to acknowledge. I've got a wall 12 feet thick and 20 feet high all around me, and I don't know how to break it down. Most of the time, I don't even realize it's THERE - and last night, I literally FELT it come back up, and I was so disappointed.

Even now, thinking of it beings tears to my eyes because - it's not fair. It's - it's cruel, actually.

And I don't know how to fix it. I can barely look directly at it. But I know that I want it gone.

12:26

I'm insane, really I am.

I just added a RIDICULOUSLY long intro section to my first entry. Am I going to keep up with it? We shall see. I always love it when I go to people's diaries, and they have those sort of things there - if I can ever get some good pictures of my texture, I'll add them there too. It's a CliffNotes to the madness that is me.

And ya know, I think that I will always be public....because I want (so not about to be humble here) I want to be an inspiration to other black women who are trying to grow their natural hair - whether they are members here or not. I'm hoping to have hair down to my ass one day, and this journal will be the record of how it got there. *grins* I want to give back whatNymphe gave to me.
Hm. That reminds me, I need to back this journal up.

In less self-centered, more hair-related news - it's FRIDAY!!! :hollie: Which of course means, that the hair is out. Seriously, by Friday, my hair is BEGGING to be set free. I realized this evening as I was slowly picking out my twists, that locs would drive me INSANE right now - just - *shudder* crazy. Not because they were bound together, but because I KNEW I couldn't take them apart.

Okay. I'll talk about this weekend's plans first.

So! It's Clarifying weekend! I was planning on doing my usual baking soda/citric acid two step, but then, as I was rooting around for SOMETHING in my cabinent, I stumbled across a box of Amla, and a box of Shikakai! Mind you, I thought I had used both of them all up in the CASH oil, but noooo!
I've been thinking about something herbal, to give a little 'boost' to the cleaning action - esp. since I'm actually using some sort of product EVERY day (cone/petro free or not) - and it's starting to get warm - so I might need a little something extra.
Then, I saw a thread - not sure if it was here or at LHCF (I think it was there), where they talked about mixing the herbs with CONDITIONER. Now, doesn't that just sound RIGHT up my alley? So - I think I might do that this weekend. I'm going to Ostara Ritual tomorrow, and I think I'm going to rock a wee, not pushed back fro, and then wash my hair when I come home afterwards.

Also - speaking of finding lost herbs, I'm going to finally take pictures of ALL the hair stuff I have. :oops: *hangs head in shame* You see, I collected all this stuff over a long period of time and well.... well, you'll see. I'll take the pictures tomorrow when DH isn't here - he's already ribbing me on my 'mild' hair obsession - I don't need to give him anymore ammunition! :lol:

Urm.

I'm seeing a BIT more breakage this week than last - I'm thinking that my decision to not follow up with a moisturizing conditioner after the protien was a bad one - next go around, I'm definitely going to finish it off right. However! Still WAY less than before, and still a healthy number of shed strands vs. broken ones, so I'm still content. I've noticed though, that the roots of the shed strands look lighter COLORED - almost blond. Am I going gray? Wouldn't that ROCK!??! I would have the reddest.hair.EVER. :hollie:

One thing that DID drive me batty this week was the shrinkage! My hair literally SHRUNK it's way out of the twists (esp. after I got it all nice and wet) and I had to redo one on the side (which saved it) but the back was a lost cause. I'm thinking about shifting the 'hair rinse' to THURSDAY morn, that way, I'll only have to get through one more day. But - I think my scalp would be screaming by Wednesday - esp. with the weather changing. Hmm. I can live with a severe case of the fuzzies on Friday - esp as since, as it gets longer it should hold together better.
I'll leave it on Wednesday, for now.

Also, I'm thinking about tweaking my misters. I've got the one with the strong TTO, conditioner and water - that one will stay the same - and I might even take out the conditioner and add some jojoba oil (which I really DO think I'm out of - but I could be wrong. :oops: ) since that mister main focus is the scalp. Or... ooooh. I wonder if I could use a lil MTG? I wonder what that would SMELL like though - ugh. More pondering required there - I'll stick with replacing it with jojoba oil next bottle.
The moisturizing one though - I'm thinking of doing 1/3 water, 1/3 glycerin, 1/3 conditioner - maybe the Oyin, and a fre DROPS of TTO (more for the anti-bac aspect) to use to soak my hair at night. It's starting to get warmer again, and I'm driving with the windows down, and I need someting a lil more intensely moisturizing on a daily basis. And :oops: I'm seriously starting to think about taking something to work with me, to give my hair a lil refresher in the midday. I'm not saying I WILL - I'm just - considering it, is all.



Sooo!!

I had originally taken next Friday and Monday after next off so that me & DH could go someplace Smmoopppy and LovelyDovely for our anniversary but *fondglare* he has to work. I'm not really ALL that upset, as it's just one less reason to spend money we really don't need to be spending ANYWAY. :lol:
However, I've already put in (and been approved) for vacation, so um, yeah. I'll have a 4 day weekend!!
And I'm seriously considering spending a good portion of it putting in some yarn twists. The weekend was already clear, because I planned on being laid up in some hotel room somewhere. In fact.... *sh* you guys are the only ones who know that we AREN'T going somewhere - it's going to be WONDERFUL (as if I'm really that popular! :lol: )
I said I wanted to do this once I had all the red out, and - well it's a 4 day weekend that I plan on spending at home (garden, house, hair - esp. garden as I'm taking my seeds in to be blessed at tomorrows Rit!) - so I can do the twists in bits and pieces over four days. My main concern was whether I would be able to continue with my moisture regimen - and apparently, that's one of the main reasons that you HAVE to use acrylic yarn - so that it doesn't soak up moisture like a natural yarn would, and wick it away from your hair.

Soooooo.... :smirk: I might be doing that next weekend.

And really, I think this forever long entry (number 2 of 2 tonight) is finally DONE.

Sheesh.

Trails....

So... over the last day or so, I've been working on the 42 Declarations - I gathered the listings from 6 different places - some were obviously from Budge, and others seemed to be 'rough' imitations, and organized them (I'm a big organizer) to see which Declarations all versions had, and which didn't. I love Excel, by the by. I've finished, and I've actually ended up with 50 Declarations. Some of them could be included with others, but to be most precise - 50.
I want to study and meditate and really think over them - try to feel out what the spirit is, and then write my own interpetation of them.
Oddly enough, I'm still comfortable with what I'm doing - I don't feel like I'm straying too very far from the spirit of what the Path of Ma'at should be. At the same time - well, I feel like - I'm consciously rejecting two huge sinks of knowledge simply because they DO make me uncomfortable - both for different reasons.

Firstly, there's Auser Auset, which is a very Afrocentric Kemetic organization. I tried, really I did, to just read through the forums and read up on what they were all about - but - it feels more artifical to me than me jsut making my own thing up would be. It feels - angry, almost, and as I was reading the forums I figured out why. They cannot seem to say one good thing about the African tradition/culture/heritage without comparing it to 4 bad things from the European culture. Now - being the cheerful American that I am, I can acknowledge that there are some rather screwed up things that are a part of our culture, and I can acknowledge the fact that American culture IS largely a product of Europe - but I have a really hard time dealing with a group of people who so fiercely hold onto this Grudge. And yes, the capitalization was purposeful. I also have a very hard time dealing with ANY group that still considers homosexuality to be a perversion. It's sad though - something that I haven't fully been able to come to grips with - is the fact that sometimes I feel like a traitor - or at the very least a fence sitter. I can't deal with the Diana pantheon because it's just TOO European, and I have a hard time with the Afrocentrics because they are just TOO African.

*laughs* And just writing that out helped so much. That makes perfect sense for someone like me - I'm not really African, and I'm not really European, and I don't have a problem with that. It also helps me understand more why the Path of Ma'at (Ma'atism?) feels right to me - Egypt as well was a - mixed nation. *laughs* It was always a meeting place/mixing pot of various cultures and colors.

Secondly, there's the House of Netjer. I know exactly what my issue is with them - I have a very hard time dealing with the concept of a human authority that claims to be divine. Whether their Nisut is or is not divine, is not what I am doubting - okay, yeah, I'm doubting that too. What I have a hard problem with in general is the concept that I need a buffer between me and my interactions with the Divine. Humans - divine or not - are far too corruptable for me to be comfy joining an organization that believes one womans word is Divine. I mean, really - I think that's a large part of the root of the problems with MOST religions - there is too much dogma and not enough guidelines.
And that is the wonderful thing about Ma'at, as I read and dig up more gems (I love universities that put books online!) - it's a series of guidelines - markers on the right path. It doesn't demand that you worship the Netjer - it simply demands that you honor the Gods. It doesn't demand that you wear a certain type of clothing, or eat a certain type of food - it simply demands that you honor YOURSELF. It's - something that can certainly stand the test of time, and it can apply to anyone - whether they believe in gods or not.
I don't do well with Dogma, at all. I need more flexibility in my life. 

Remember the cartoon doggie? The one, that when you gave him a treat, he would shoot straight up in the air, then come floating down like a leaf to land in a puddle of utmost contentment?

My hair is that dog.

Okay.

To start with, I took my hair down on Thursday - I was taking Friday off, so I got a little start on the hair playing. And. Omgs! My hair was - soft, supple, smooth, strong, and barely breaking.
It was - lovely. I actually wore it OUT in a shake & go pushed back with a headband most of Friday, and all I did to it was mist it twice - and - it was LOVELY. Tight little soft curls, so moist - not breaking - and - curly! I mean - truly, tight, curls.
My hair is LOVELY! It's really going to be amazing long - and finally, because I've figured out how to stop the breakage (it was really bad ya'll) - I'm actually going to RETAIN all the hair I grow. *happy dance* Wooot!

Friday night, I bestirred myself, and put on the Remedi Protien mix - it smelled sooo good. Like - bananas and coconuts mixed. Yum. I slapped it in, and left it in for far, far, far too long. I rinsed it out Saturday and - my hair was STILL dreamy. I was able to comb it out in the shower - and - STILL barely any breakage. I mean - the amount of hair (shed & broken) that I've seen ALLL weekend is less than the amount of hair that would come out after fingercombing it as I was taking it down last month - heck, two weeks ago!

I was considering putting a moisturizing conditioner on top, but it felt SOOO good, that I didn't think it needed it. I made my usual fat twists, using the CoN ND (I really think this helped A LOT in making my hair so moisture-retentive through the week), and tied it all up while I worked on the kitchen.

So - things are going SOOO well, up on top of my head. Well. Almost everything. I have a thin layer of - gunk on my scalp. VERY thin, and I have to scratch pretty hard at it for it to even come up. I can't see it in the mirror, and when I look under my nails, it's a creamy white - stuff. Is that sebum, I wonder? I'm thinking it might be buildup from the mister/Lenzi's request - but, next week is clarifying week, so if that is it, I'll clean that up quickly.

I realized, that really, I only 'wash' my hair once a month - when I clarify. The protein treatment isn't cleansing. The moisturizing treatment is KINDA cleansing - assuming I don't add honey to it. Ooooooh - I've GOT to add honey to it next time, oh, that'll be FABULOUS. I might start adding honey to everything again - except the henna! *thinks*


What I'm trying to do is lighten my hair, and use henna at the same time to give a more obvious red tint to my hair. So, I'm thinking that if I take advantage of the lightening effects of honey all the time (hmm, honey in the mister?) EXCEPT when I'm hennaing, that might acomplish that. So..... that would change my mixes a little, but not really how I do things. Hrmm. I think I'll go one more month with this set of products, and then add back in the honey.


The moisturizing treatment is KINDA cleansing - assuming I don't add honey to it. The henna is kind of cleansing - but that is the week after the clarifying treament, so I doubt there is much to cleanse at that point.

I'm kind of interested in maybe trying something different for clarifying - I'm doing baking soda + cheapie condish + humectress now.... I've been thinking about maybe going with some herbs. *LOL* I love having a framework! I realize that just because I know what works, doesn't mean I always have to use the same thing. *wiggles nose* So. I might do a search for that later.

Oooh! I got my box from FNWL - tea tree oil, rosemary EO, shealoe butter, and TWO POUNDS of henna!! :hollie: *contented sigh*
The Rosemary EO is going in the mister - I LOVE the smell of rosemary, and - heck, it stimulates the scalp too, which is a nice side effect. And it's strong enough that I can use just a TINY bit so I avoid the risk of side effects. The henna - well, that's obvious. FNWL's henna is the - it's damn good. It's *grins* almost snotty. It hangs together VERY nicely with just water in it, and it rinses out like a DREAM and the color release happens in like 1/2 hour.... *strokes bags of henna*

I have no clue what I'm going to do with the shealoe butter, but it was on sale, and I've heard such great things about it, that I said What the Heck! The TTO is going into my mister - it's a good antifungal, and I figure if I'm going to be keeping my scalp damp 1/2 the time, that might be a good idea.

That's another reason I would like to find something herbal that cleans the scalp - I'd LOVE to have some of that handy to mix into my mister.

*forlornly tugs on a twist*

My hair is SO. SHORT. But then, at the same time, I know it's getting longer, because it's doing new things.

Like - the little sideburn thingys? They go almost to my jaw now. When I have my hair out, and I'm sitting on the couch, I can feel it brush against the nape of my neck - it tickles. There is hair all along my hairline that sticks out in these long stretched out curls when my hair is wet.

Oh!

(My, but I'm chatty tonight.....)

Something else I was thinking of while I was getting in the shower to rinse out the Remedi - how much my perception of my hair has changed. Or - is it how much my hair has changed?
If you would have told me back in 2000 that I would be in love with my natural hair (not just tolerate it because I refused the other options, but really LOVE it), I would have laughed in your face. I endured my hair, natural, because I hated the look of jherri curls, I hated the smell of pressing combs & relaxers, and I hated the price of extensions. So, by default, my hair was natural. It was the same default that ended up with me being in dreads, but that's another branch of the same story.

Anyhow. I wasn't fond of my hair. It was dry, and hard, and tangled, and was dull and bleh looking and really didn't suit my face at all. It took too much time to do, and it still felt - not quite - natural - I felt like it didn't suit me, but I did it because I had no other choice.

Now - I still don't have a choice - well, I could always go back to dreads - but - I'm okay with that, now. Because even if I DID have a choice, I'd chose (now, that is) what's authentically growing out of my head. Maybe it's a matter of age, and growing more comfortable with who I am. Maybe my hair HAS changed, through a combination of supplements and products. Maybe my hair is actually healthy for the first time - ever - and this wondrous crown is what I've ALWAYS had, hidden under neglect like a secret garden.
It's a delightful adventure I'm on - with myself! With a part of myself that - that was so sorely neglected and - dismissed - because I didn't know how to actually take care of MY hair.

Oops, I forgot to warn ya'll bout the rambling, again. I've been thinking about hair alot lately (obviously) and just haven't seemed to have the chance to sit down and write it all out - this is what happens when I don't journal for a week at a time. :lol:

Urm.

I think I'm actually done.


:wannabe:

12:38

CD12.

And. I'm. STILL. BLEEDING.

The clots are smaller and finer now - though I do still get some honkers of a clot. Still no cramps - it's really rather amazing.

I've started taking the B-complex again. I'm wondering if the vitex actually HELPED, and that my wonky ass cycle is from my body actually trying to RESET itself. Okay, I think I've gone over this before, but lemme knaw on this bone.

Anyhow. I'm starting the B-Complex again. I'm thinking - just thinking, mind you - that if this cycle is a bust, I'll add the EPO back in, and if next cycle is a bust, I'll add the Vitex back in.

But then, if the vitex was balancing things enough that it caused this wonky cycle, maybe I should add that back in first? I donnnn''''ttttt kkknoooowww.

And I still haven't talked to the Midwife. *sigh*

But - I'm about to plant stuff in my garden, and hopefully, I'm about to plant stuff in my belly too.

Anna is pregnant, and Rey is pregnant (with TWINS!) and Kristen is pregnant, and - dude - spring has sprung in a whole buncha bellies.

12:44

Twice as Nice....

Should I call it two Fridays? Or two Saturdays? I think it's two Saturdays, as today would be Friday (the last day I have to work) and then tomorrow would be Saturday, and Saturday would be Saturday too.

Urm, yeah. I'm taking tomorrow off.

So! What's been going on in my world? Well - I'll share some pictures.

1) I finally - after about *thinks* oh, 7 years? have my natural colored hair back. No blond. No red. No black. Just a dark, dark, dark, shimmery brown.

It don't look half bad on me either. In bright, bright, BRIGHT direct light, it's a dark purple color - the henna is slowly starting to make a difference. This summer is going to be innnnnteresting.

2) I did my first DITL where I was actually taking PICTURES all day. It was very boring. I think tomorrow is another one, which should be EVER so much more fun. In the process though, I did take a couple of pictures (finafreakingly) of my car.

Ya, I know, I still suck, as it's not all THAT good of a picture, but . *lol* I'll take a better one (on a sunnier day!) later. Maybe.

Urm. I think that's all the relevant pictures I have.

I'm taking tomorrow off because I have to finish digging a ditch. And planning out a garden - because sweet Jesu, Spring has CERTAINLY sprung in Memphis, Tn!! The trees have exploded with green & white & purple and pale pink, and the bugs are back in full force (must get more repellant), and I'm seriously considering taking down the plastic on the windows. It's SPRING!!!

This winter seemed to drag on for far too long - and then, all of a sudden like a huge alarm clock went off - everything WOKE UP. *happy dance* Including me.

And! And! I've decided that Daylight Savings Time is about the second best thing to sliced bread, as now I get home and I still have ABOUT an hour and a half to two WHOLE hours of daylight - proper daylight mind you, not that dusky stuff - to do meddling in the garden. *twirls* I'm pleased as punch over that, I can tell you now.

Urm. If Hubby would stop absconding with the camera, I would take some pictures of our poor neglected property. We're supposed to be going to the Home Despot tomorrow as well, to pledge even MORE money to them (the bastids), but - we need it. Just - all of it. *sigh*

So! Much fun! Expect to here me doing MUCH talking about all of the wonderful, wonderful growing (and dying) things in my garden.

How the heck are ya'll doing?

10:08

Cherry Clots.

I'm passing these huge cherry sized (and colored - like extra wipe cherries - shiny and so red it's black) clots.... I'm amazed by this - it's like my uterus is shedding itself it clots rather than liquid.

The thing that really amazes me is that I haven't cramped - not once - I'm passing these clots like they are liquid graceful thin and smooth.

Was it the vitex? I don't know - now I'm torn. Should I? The pure - THICKNESS of this lining is amazing me - little pieces of liver. What a wonderful place for an embryo to plant it's head/villi.

I'm on CD7 now, and - it's interesting.

I jsut wanted to note that. Cuz Dude.

And I WASN'T pregnant. And I'm not cramping - that's what's really amazing me....normally, I cramp anytime I have a really clotty period. This time - nothing. I FORGET I'm on my period on a regular basis. Okay.

Maybe I will start taking Vitex again. Hrrrrmmmmmm.....

10:20

*happy dance*

Good hair times, Good hair times.

So - I left work, and went to the BSS. I wanted some more deep conditioner and I had'nt been to the BSS up the street from me yet.
I spent an hour in that place, picking up bottles, reading the ingredients, hitting the words 'mineral oil' or 'petrolatum' or my personal favorite 'parafidum liquidum', sighing and putting the bottle back on the shelf.
I mean, really - if I wanted to put a mix of mineral oil, vaseline, and water in my hair, I could whip that up at home.
The ones that passed the petrol exam, usually failed dismally at the cone-free test. I figure it this way - I KNOW that I have exceptionally dry hair. I'm looking for an exceptionally moisturizing conditioner - but if I get one that has cones in it - my hair isn't going to be able to be fully moisturized throughout the week - and well, that defeats the bloody purpose!

So - I walked out of there with two conditioners (after an HOUR), one moisturizing conditioner (Elasta QP Intense Fortifying Hair Conditioner), one protien rich conditioner (Remedi Hi-Potentcy Protien Moisturizing Conditioner), a hair creme (Cream of Nature Nature's Design Mositruizing Creme Hairdress with Carrot Oil and Vitamin E), and a 12 oz container of gylcerin.

Okay. The protien stuff I got, because - well, I'm sick of the coconut milk mix. It's too damn thin, and it's drippy, and it gets EVERYWHERE, and it attracts ants. So, if my hair likes this stuff, it's going to take the place of that on the 3rd week.

Despite the fact that my hair doesn't seem to like glycerin (it HATED StaSofFro and wasn't all that fond of Greg Juice), but I think I might like to add a bit of it into my nightly misting spray - I think that it will help my hair suck that 'moist' air from around my head into my hair. I rubbed a bit of it into my hair in the store, and my hair seemed to like it, so we'll see.

The hairdress I got is because I don't think that the whipped pudding alone is quite as moisturizing as it should be - so I'm thinking about using this stuff on my wet hair, then putting the WP on top of it. It'll be interesting to see what my hair thinks of it.


Then, I came home, and started detangling my hair....well, really, I started detangling my hair on my way how (playing with my hair in the car is a fabulous thing).
And MUCH to my delightful suprise, I had little breakage. I don't think I've ever really explained JUST how much breakage I could get. I would touch my hair, and tiny piece would come off in my fingers - detangling my hair would leave me with a HUGE pile of hair - and most of it was broken pieces. I wanted to cry sometimes - seriously, that's what put me on this crazy moisturemoisturemoisture kick. Half the time, I didn't even SHE shed hairs - I think they just crumbled into wee pieces.
Yesterday - I was getting MUCH fewer strands of hair, and they were LONG pieces, too - many of the with the bulb still on! :hollie
So - that makes me VERY excited. With the amount of breakage that I had, I was seriously worried about preserving my ends - now that I actually want to KEEP these ends!!

I'm gonna calculate my yearly growth rate in TWO months!! (Yet another reason I want to preserve my ends!).

Interestingly enough, my hair is more - consistent, now? It's - really fabulous. I'm not loosing any curl - it's still as nappy as it's always been - but it's - it's working WITH itself. I'm actually able to rock a really cool, pretty, natural looking shake & go now - it actually just - settles. It's really amazing the difference that having the color in my hair made - I LIKE my hair. Now, I jsut wanna get it long.

I know this is a BOOK. :lol: So I'll stop now.

Oooh! I haven't posted for a while!

Well - I henna'd last weekend, and while it wasn't a TOTAL disaster it was - interesting. I used some henna I found in the local Halal shop - and - ew. It was full of twigs and sticks, and took FOREVER to release dye - though, it WAS very conditioning. So I guess I can't complain TOO much - but I'll be tossing the rest of it. I just placed an order with FNWL for more henna (2lbs this time!), some shealoe butter, some rosemary and tea tree oil, and I think that's it.

I took the new set of hairline comparison pics as well.....Here's the originals...



And here's a month later



Hmmm... not too bad. I think that the fronthairline is filling in NICELY - the sides are still *waggles hand* I've been thinking about using the MTG - but I don't know. That stuff IS stinky. I'm thinking that maybe some Vatki Oil would be better. *thinks* I don't THINK anything is rubbing my sides moreso than the front....but then, my scarf has to go behind my ears, and I don't know how much that pulls. If that's the problem, I might just have to accept that the side will always be a little thinner, as I can NOT have my ears pinned down. *shudder*

Hrm. I'll have to think about it.

Let's see, what else? I talked about the icky henna - oh! I have to find another deep treatment. I'm seriously thinking about going through ALL the hair stuff I have in the cabinent, and coming up with something - but at the same time, knowing what I know about different kinds of conditioners - I think it might be worthwhile just going and buying a real DC. I only use it once a month - so...... *sigh* It's just a PAIN in my rear finding one that has no petroluem products or cones. I liked the Silk Elements stuff I had before - but it smells so dang chemically, and - well, after the twig adventure last week, I'm really not trying to deal with anything that has little bits and pieces of random organic material in it.

I'm really happy with my hair in general, despite my worries that I'm balding and that I'm breaking it all off and that fungus is going to grow on my scalp from me trying to keep it moist - which, really, is all linked.

I swear - I think if I had a Jherri Curl, my hair would be down to my behind - my hair is TERMINALLY dry. It doesn't really matter what I put in it - I have to do it EVERYDAY in order to keep the moisture level high enough. I've started sleeping every night with my freshly misted hair under a showercap, so that I'm giving myself little 'saunas' all week long. The mister usually has water + some sort of conditioner that is okay as a leave in - I'm alternating the Humectress and the Honey Hemp. The oils I ordered from FNWL are going to go into the mister - rosemary for stimulation (just in case I AM going bald) and tea tree oil as a antifungal/antibacterial/general keeping stuff in check.

OHMI! Speaking of going bald! I had this dream this morning - a bunch of unhair related stuff was going on, then I passed a mirror, and literally did a triple take. My hair was SHORT (like Rosemary's Baby), STRAIGHT (relaxer for DAYS) and a hideous brassy blonde color. Even WORSE - I had HUGE shiny bald patches scattered all through my hair. Normally/awake, my hair is dense enough that I don't care HOW I part it, I can't put my finger on bare/hairfree scalp (I can almost do it right at the top of my head, but it's still not hairfree). In the dream, I had shiny patches as big as my thumb that I could rub - totally hairfree. I was oddly calm about it - sorta sad, but not NEARLY as freaked out as I was when I woke up. Very strange. I haven't had straight hair in a dream in - a very, very, LONG time.

But anyhow, as I was saying before that side trip into the wonders of my subconsious, I'm misting my hair everynight....on Tue/Thur, I'm doing Lenzi's first, then misting, and the rest of the week, I'm just misting. As the weather gets warmer (and more humid!) I think that my moisture issues will ease up some - but - it's REALLY an uphill battle, and I think that my hairs' dryness is a MAJOR cause of the breakage that I get. It's so saddening, all the little half curls of hair that I'm left with - and it doesn't matter HOW gentle I am with my hair (though I MUST get better with using HH on my dry hair before touching it with a comb), it get breakage. It's a combo of the fineness of my hair, as well as all my lovely little tiny curls.

Ah! Speaking of which - very bored with a camera after a detangling session left me with this avant art picture....



I did nothing to my hair to make it do this, by the way, this is just what came out onto my hands as I was taking out my flattwists.... *sigh*

And then, here is a lovely picture of a split hair - notice the secondary partial split close to the bottom? *sigh*



Anyhow!! Those are why I'm trying to figure out how to keep my hair constantly hydrated. If I wore a wig, I could wear a showercap underneath. But, it's rally not that crucial.

And - now that all of my red (or most of it - I still have a fine fringe of red, but it's pretty insginicant - it's a really pretty highlight on my flattwists though, so I'm not going to trim it off) is gone, I'm thinking about doing yarn twists again...and I'm wondering what the thin line is of being damp/being mildewy. *makes ew face*

I think I'm going to take next Friday off, so I might try then. Or, I could stop being a wuss and at least experiment this weekend. It might be easier than I think.

Maybe.

We'll see.

Okay.

I think I'm done!

11:11

I'm a little scared that without the lubricant of altering substances - weed, alcohol, etc, we won't get along nearly as well.

I don't know why as - I love him sober, and he loves me sober.

Somehow, I just think that it won't be quite as FUN. Are we THIS fun sober? And how scary is that in general? I want to be the cool bitch that I am high, sober.

I've acheived it - ocassionally, and usually with a group of pretty fucking special women, but I don't know if I can achieve it alone - so to speak.

Which really, is rather sad. I think.

I just had a conversation with C about the fact that I don't react - 'normally' to a lot of external social stimuli.

*sigh*

More later, as it's late, and I'm tired, and just. Bleh.

11:26

Shape of a Mother

http://theshapeofamother.com/

Wonderful website - just plain, freaking, wonderful.  Makes me love my prebaby body more... and makes me believe that I will love my post baby body even MORE.

No, I'm not pregnant. *LOL* No hinting here.

10:14

FF gave me a coverline today - saying I O'd like 3 or 4 days ago.

WTF?

Just when I had gotten comfy in my anovulatory state, BAM! Ovulation. It lies, I'm almost certain.

But dammit, now I'm not going to take the ginger. Shit. It's a waiting process, it is. Unless his boys & girls are REALLLLLY sturdy, aint' nothing get caught.

Sheesh.

I just want to BLEED, dammit, kay, thanks?

 

---

 

In other news, I've been thinking about the gut-deep terror that I've been feeling about finally becoming a mother. I think - I think it's the pure fear of the unknown that's getting to me. I can't practice this, I can't run through scenarios - it's just a huge pit of possibilities, and I'm about to jump in without looking feet-first, and good lord & lady, but that shit is SCARY. TYVM!

But. I can learn - I might not know EXACTLY how things will do, but I can learn how things might go. I can develop the tools that will be flexible enough for me to meet things as they come along.

And I've done the budget - and we need to pay off my car for things to be really smooth. *sigh*

We shall see.

(ya'll are) Rocking me.....

Okay.

So, I had always HEARD of Queen right? I mean, who living in today's day & age HASN'T heard of Queen? But I didn't really know anything about them - I thought they might be one of those headache (at least for me) inducing hard core screaming rock/metal bands.

But - last time I was buying music, I picked up Queen: Greatest Hits - We Will Rock You Edition.

And.

DUDE!!!!!! Queen did all THESE songs? I've been alternating between feeling like I need to do a proper headbanging (with rock on hands thrust in the air), and feeling like I should have a lighter held up and swaying. I'm throughly enjoying this!!

So.

What other rock (metal? pop? the heck IS Queen?) bands have I potentially missed out on through pure raw avoidance?

I'm not even going to talk about how buying (not even LISTENING to - jsut buying) the We Might Be Giants album opened my eyes to a world of inside jokes I didn't. even. know. I. was. MISSING!

So - culturally speaking - who else should I be looking out for?? Hrrrmmm?

*rocks out*

1:46

I saw a tiny spot of bright RED blood on the paper tonight...and I just smiled and ignored it. I was in the midst of my VERY first shroom trip ever, and if my cycle was to end now, it was to be.

As I continued (tripping through life like I always am and just not aware of) I could feel things - shift. Drop. Loosen. I could feel things ooze, and I smiled - some of it was the delightful lookingforwardness of the sex to come, and part of it was the glad welcomingness of the cycle to come.

it's all good, in every way.

I don't have to spend money on ginger I don't need.

I don't have to waste a test that I always know would show me what I already know.

I get to have fabulous loose no worries about will this warp my baby sex.

And - I get to do it all with the man that I love ever so much - my heart, my one.

Damn.

:)

1:49