TGIF

It's Friday. Cheffy is off. I'm going home before 6:00pm. It's supposed to be 60 degrees tomorrow. (Does anybody know how to make a degree sign in HTML??). My job didn't quite bite as much today. I think I'm doing good. I can sleep late tomorrow. I have a little spending money (should I choose to go out). I...I am quite simply content.

Have a good weekend everybody.


Stay Jazzed.

Momma Said....

I have never really been any good at meditating. I always tend to fall asleep. Does that indicate some sort of shallowness in my spirit or something? Maybe it’s a side effect of the amazingly short attention span that has been created from years of television watching and instant satisfaction. But I think that it is most likely just a result of the fact that I am rarely ever fully rested, and anytime my body can sit still for more than five minutes without worrying about being disturbed…it’s going to take advantage of that time to go to sleep. *sighs* Umm…I am trying to decide if I want to leave the house this weekend.. or if I am going to be a hermit and just huddle within my walls. It would give me time to do some homework, gets lots of sleep, do my hair…all that random stuff that rarely gets done because I am either tired or running the streets or both.
Ah. I have almost completely paid off ONE of my credit card bills. I am like SO thrilled. There is only like 460 bucks left on that card…so I might send the debt management people a BIG check next month so that they can pay off that card completely. :) So wonderful…I think I might be able to have all of them paid off by the time I am ready to get a car…that would give me at least an 350.00 car payment easy…*sighs* oh rapturous rapturous joy!! *sighs* Each step I take is a step closer to working for ME rather than working for various other people. *sighs*
I realize that I seriously need some new female friends. Scratch that. I need some female friends period. I miss having a sister group to click, connect and hang out with. It doesn’t have to be a large one.. but damn. I refuse to believe that I am the only stranded black woman in the 23-27 year old age group in this city. Though…actually…most people my age who live here are most likely actually FROM here… as who in their right mind would move to Indianapolis of their own free will during the prime of their life? And as they are FROM here… they would already have that whole sista circle thing going on. Hmmmm…especially compared to the other wonderful cities that they could move to instead? *shakes head* My crazy ass that’s who. Anywayyyyyyyyy…. Maybe once I get a car things will change.

*break* *back*

Clearly this is the week of wasted work. *sighs* I input a whole heap of orders for another group...and what happens? The damn liveCache crashes thus...wiping out most of my work. *sighs* Hopefully they can pull it back up but... who knows?

At least tomorrow is Friday.

Stay Jazzed.

YAAAYYY!!!!... DAMN DAMN DAMN.... YAAAYYY!!!!

Ugh…. I am so thoroughly disgusted. There is nothing that will ruin what was looking to be a perfectly good day like working on something for almost 3 hours, and then having the file get corrupted just as you are finishing it. And since what I Was working on was a gradual thing… there is no way that I can tell what got wiped out and what didn’t. *sighs* Talk about a downer….
I realize that I tend to spend money when I am stressed… and then I regret it the next day. And as most of the time I spend the money on food (expensive restaurants and the like) I can’t even take it back the next day. *sighs* But that steak was sooooooooo good. :) And as I have some leftovers… ohhhh dinner tonight is going to be SO fabu. And as I have been catching cabs like they are free *shakes head* It’s sad.
I am so in love. It’s almost sickening sometimes…yet it is consistently amazing. We click so well… *sighs* man… if we do ever end… I don’t know how it could happen. But then I guess most people say that to start out with … it’s an expectation of eternity.
I don’t have much to say.. just wanted to bitch about losing ALLLLLLL that damn work…but that will encourage me I’m sure to come in nice and early tomorrow. Though, there has to be a way that a report can be run so that I can just grab all of that stuff *sighs* I hope so anyway. Bitchin’ and cooin’…bitchin’ and cooin’ that seems to be my life some days.

Stay Jazzed.

Ireallydon'tlike Monday

*deep breath* I won't say that I hate my job today.. but DAMN excel sucks sometimes.... esp. when people keep coming to you and hanging what the hell you are supposed to be expressing. *sighs* It's Monday.
The weekend was grand... the movie was cute...the whole happy ending, plot twists, random acts of semi hot sex and the like...rather good all in all. Other than go out to the movies, and run to the store for my sick Cheffy (poor baby), the weekend was verrah home-bodish. Though I have to admit I did want to go back out when I came home from the movies, but there was really nothing available for me to do. *shrugs* Ah well.
I just wanted to drop a few lines in here...I like these colors... they are very soothing to me in a rather STRESSSSSing time.
*hugs for Jazzy*


Stay Jazzed.

UpDownUpDownUpDownUpDown

Hmmm….I have been really quiet this week. Side effect of the whole ‘I just wanna lay down and go to sleep’ mode I have been in. That Girl is giving me bad ideas tho…I just wanna curl up under my desk sometimes…I don’t think anyone would notice that I was under there. Well…actually the lady who sits across from me might notice, but hey…she is gone so much for smoke breaks that she might not say anything. *pauses for a big ole yawn*
It’s interesting…I hopped on line and looked up low blood sugar, and fatigue is not one of the symptoms listed…but it is listed for high blood sugar. *shakes head* I can’t remember where I read that the ‘sugar crash’ causes you to get very tired… but I am going to hunt it down. Also…my exhaustion might be slightly based in the fact that I have started taking the birth control pills. Hmm… okay… Food Coma… the body gearing down to digest a big meal…nope.. I don’t eat big meals…sugar… ah hah…hmmm another place is talking about high levels of fat… *thinks* I don’t think I ate THAT much fat at lunch…in fact I know I didn’t… except for the low fat chocolate milk, I really didn’t eat ANY fat. Baked Fish, mashed potatoes (no butter, a little salad dressing), and a small Caesar salad. *sighs* I don’t know.

Well. And I say once again WELL. Each time that I think that I have work pegged, something jumps up and bites me and says HA! You ain’t seen nothing yet. And actually this is another reason I have been kinda quiet (writing wise) this week. I keep getting interrupted by *gasp* work of all things. If stuff keeps going like this I will have to start eating my lunch at my desk… I will have to cut down on my surfing. I will *gasp* no longer need to think up new ‘follow the link’ games in the various sites I am a member of. Perish the thought!! *laughs* Oh I am gonna LOVE this. Work work work… FINALLY!!

Hmmm…also I just don’t wanna write. I have been reading a lot though… got a new crop of books from the library last night. *grins* I got a set of feminist Fairy Tales called “Don’t Bet on the Prince”. :) They are pretty funny. It’s a kinda old book though. If there was a newer one it would most likely be even funnier. *sighs* I wanna leave at 4, but I am going to look like I am being a hard worker bee and I will stay until 4:30....any later is madness. Up and down, up and down… even in a single day. *sighs*


Hmm.. that was fun. These colors are very springy/Easterish don't you think?

Stay Jazzed.

*blink...blink blink*

I’m a moody bunny I am I am. *nods* Yup. See… that is what I get for having a lovely wonderful, sweet, soft and tender piece of pecan pie for lunch. I feel TOTALLY like dying until my blood sugar balances back out. As I found some work to do (ohhhhh… creating New, Bigger and Better Excel Spreadsheets!!) I just worked my way through the dumps. Now… I’m back to my almost normal.. mostly chipper self. See.. stuff like this is exactly why I need to get back on the Atkins Diet. I’m not sure if the fact that I am so sensitive to sugar now mean s that I may be more likely to get diabetes later on… but really… I’m not trying to go there.
A couple of people have told me today that I seem so cheerful and in such a good mood. Umm… okay…but when I thought about it, I am actually pretty darn cheerful. Not cheerful… but pleasant… vaguely upbeat. I think I may still be on a furniture high…or the afterglow :) And of course the fact that I saw my babbby last night. *sighs* I am just so thrilled with this man. I refuse to think about life with him… but sometimes it sneaks into the back of my consciousness. And actually…it’s a happy thought. Scary… yes.. but I don’t think I would mind. :) *sighs* Ahh…. So wonderful.
This weekend I’m going out with a girly from work *thinks* I’ll call her M. We usually go to see a play once a month, but as the both of us are a liiitttllle tight on money this month, we decided to go out to the movies instead. *sighs* We need to start doing some real ‘funner’ stuff together. I don’t know if she drinks or shakes her ass…I know that she considers herself a ‘Christian’, so I’m not sre how much of that she gets into. :) That is kinda why (I think) that we are….just acquaintances. I will find some other folx that I can truly kick it with.
I joined the Camera Club here at work, and I am going to submit some pictures that I took a while ago for the contest. The two categories are Macro (which is my THING) and repeating patterns. I have some repeating patterns work that I did a while ago while I Was giving myself assignments, but I’m not sure how good any of it is. Hm. I will go home and pour out my old pictures and take a good look see. There is no reason for me NOT to participate, especially considering the fact that I KNOW I have pictures that can be submitted in at least one, if not both categories. Also, I’m interested in seeing who else is a member of the club. Who knows who I might meet… *sighs*
My dilly butt keeps forgetting to bring the driving school information to work with me so that I can call them and sign up for the next series of classes. I have GOT to be ready to get my car. I just have to. *sighs* I think that I will not get it until mid to late September. That gives me more time to save, more time to pay off more bills, and more time to have the license before I get the car. *shrugs* It also insures that I will only have to pay for a couple of months of insurance at the higher ‘under 25’ rate. *rolls eyes* As if a couple of months will really make a difference in my maturity level. You would think that people would understand that a few months really don’t make that much of a difference. But I guess with any age related limit, there comes a point where only a few months are the difference between one thing and another. *shrugs* That is just the way things end up. I think I will go to a thrift store today. *sighs* I WANNA buy stuff for my place, but I feel really bad about spending the money. So I figure if I can get some GREAT stuff for like really really really reallly cheap… then I won’t feel quite so bad. *sighs* I want some PLANTS danggit all… I never did get any. *sighs* See… there is the one thing that ALWAYS manages to bring me down. Cash. Ugh!


Stay Jazzed.

*nod...nod...nod...snnnooorreee*

Oh mercy. I am for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, going to go stark raving mad today. I’m tired (as Cheffy kept me up late dooing..ummm…things), and slightly bored as what I HAD been actively involved in has suddenly come to an end *sighs* or at least for now I don’t have any major pressing things that I just have to get done. That is one if the things that sucks about being a delagator. *snorts* Though during my team meeting yesterday I was told that I needed to be more of a jerk and get in peoples faces about doing stuff. Ummm, okay? Aren’t we all like adults here? *rolls eyes* Mercy….
Anyhow… Cheffy and Nee (my bestest girrrrlllfrien’) had a nice long chit-chat last night. She likes him. :) Can I express just how pleased that makes me? I mean if she did not like him we would really be in trouble. That’s ONE hurdle over with. After he has passed the friends gauntlet, then we can start on the family. :)
*sighs* I broke to go to lunch and now I am just soo damn tired. I really just want to lay my head down and just go the HELL to sleep. *sniffs* And I get all whiny and sensitive when I am THIS sleepy. Ummhmmm beeeedddddd….homeeee…..yeahhh.
Man.. I am seriously trying to write here, and I had some stuff that I actually wanted to write about, and now I can’t even remember what the hell it was. *sighs*

I’m done.

Stay Jazzed.

SpppprriinnggTime

Usually… I would be very giddy about the first day of Spring. New life, a new season of warm weather and light, time to pull out the skirts and the sandals. HOWEVER…. I live in the land of forever cold. Icky yicky cold weather. Blah bland cloudy skies. Dull yeechy naked trees. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, this is a moan & groan session). No flowers. No new fresh green grass. Just blah blah blahhhh!!!!! *sighs*
And the fact that I was in Atlanta a few days ago (a city that was lovely and springtimey and green) doesn’t help.
Hm. For me…the beginning of spring and the beginning of fall never had held much interest to me. MidSummer I dig… it’s totally ALIVE. MidWinter is cool too… totally introspective and turned within. Spring and fall are just jokes…. Vague teasers that slowly introduce you to the main event. *sighs* I think I’mma be odd until the weather gets warm. I’m pretty sure I have a case of the winter blah blah blahs. It’s not too late to hibernate is it? *shrugs* At least I only have a little under an hour before I can break out of this joint. :)

Have a Happy 1st Day of Spring!


Stay Jazzed.

A Frantic Scrabble to Catch Up

*smiles* I’m in a simple spate of DO-MES-TI-CITY. If you don’t wanna read about a whole lot of girly girly twirling of the hair love light and joy that centers about the home kinda stuff….hit that back button RIGHT NOW.


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Still here? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!


Ahhhh… I had a short day at work yesterday… why you might ask?? Because my furniture came!!! YAAYYYYY !! *back flips and shimmy shimmys and the like*. For any of you who looked at it through the lovely links I provided a few weeks ago… it’s no where NEAR as blue as it looks on the web page. In fact, It’s rather dark…but I like it. At first I didn’t think everything would fit into my living room, but it fit so wonderfully. I feel SO grown up now. I mean… I have like a REAL apartment. I an invite people over and not worry about just HOW they are going to fit onto my itty bitty little futon couch. *sighs* And.. to make it even better… IT’S ALLLLLLLLL paid for. No extra bills, nothing. :) But anyway…. I’m going out shopping tonight as I neglected to this weekend. It’s amazing how having a lovely wonderful sexy man drifting about the house in a pair of shorts somehow makes the idea of leaving the house vaguely sinful. SO…. I didn’t budge (at least not out of the house MEOWWWW!!) all day Saturday. That night we went to go see Traffic, which had to be one of the most SAD movies I have ever seen in allll my days. *sighs* just sad what drugs to do people… and how almost totally hopeless the ‘war’ against drugs is. But I’m not going to climb onto THAT soapbox. Anywayyy….. came home…had a discussion that was LONG overdue about our different spending habits… snuggled and cuddled and that was about it. Sunday *thinks* Sunday….what happened to Sunday? I think I just kinda lazed about all day… reading books and eating fictitious bon-bons. Anyway… all of that is to say that I didn’t do any of the ‘accent’ shopping that I was going to do this weekend. I also didn’t buy my sneakers…*hangs head* cuz they cost too damn much. I figure I will tip into my savings (bad Jazzy bad bad bad) in order to get the sneakers AND take the damn driving lessons. Urgh. Sooo…. (after a very long trip around the mulberry bush) I am going out tonight directly after work to go to the Pier One Outlet and the going out of business Waccammaw…and hopefully get some nice colorful stuff for my pad…

In other news….I got a raise!!! It’s only about a 3.5% raise, but still… it’s the thought that matters right? I figure that it will translate into about an extra 60 bucks in my check (if I’m lucky) and I figure I will start saving ten bucks more a month and start investing 3% in my 401(k) instead of the measly 2% I’m currently contributing. Yes I KNOW I’m a slacker, but dammit… I like being able to live a bit. As I told my momma today, “After I pay all my bills, I end up with about 400 bucks to get through the month, including groceries”. While I know that is wayyyy more tan some people are working with… *sighs* it still feels like chump change to me. *settles down* Hmm… Oh! Work is actually going pretty well. I still feel like my ass is hanging out, totally uncovered, and I realized that my manager sucks as he has *thinks* rather poor communication skills (or maybe I just suck at listening) but it’s a real uncomfy place to be. I have however been rather busy…trying to put shit together that should have been started a long god-damn time ago. If I had known that it had to be done, it would have gotten done. *sighs* At least some things are done. And some things I had totally no control over. And my co-workers are feeling just as sucky as I am…considering that quite a few of them are bouncing off of the wall. *sighs* It’s gonna get a lot uglier before it gets ANY cuter. And dammit… I want some chocolate…but I’m too damn cheap to go and buy any….besides I don’t need to be eating the stuff anyhow. *sighs*

Man… I feel kinda bad talking about myself so much. *laughs* but it is indeed isn’t my diary supposed to be all about me?? Anyhow…I haven’t talked about my hair in a while. It is doing okay… it’s getting into the whole ‘I wanna do my own thing stage’ It’s too long to just leave hanging as it drives me crazy brushing against my forehead, and it is too short to really do any up pulled styles… and besides all that I REALLLLLY need to work on my roots before I lift my proverbial skirts to annny body. I have been considering just curling it and being done with it… but that jus takes so damn long. *sighs* Lazy Lazy Jazzy. I have been conditioning it on a regular basis so that it won’t all break off because of the dye job I did (which still looks pretty doggone good by the way) but other than that and the daily soak, I am leaving the crop alone…. I am still getting compliments about my hair so I guess it doesn’t look but SO bad. I got one of my e-bay bras in the mail yesterday, and can I say nice nice nice. It’s a little stiff, but a few washes should handle that nicely. It’s so wonderful to have a bra that FITS right… and isn’t outrageously expensive. *sighs* Man….new underoos can really make a sista feel spicy. *yyyooooowwrrr~~~~*

Okay…what else what else?? My eyelid is still twitching occasionally… usually only when I am PAINFULLY bored or distant. Almost like my body is trying to say “Hey chickie… come back here to the present”… of course, they start twitching when I think about them twitching too.. so what does THAT mean??

Ugh. Twitchy eyes are icky. I’m gone… for now.


Stay Jazzed.

A Survey from my E-group.

1. Living arrangement? 2 bedroom apartment in indianapolis, with a half-live in boyfriend.
2. What book are you reading now: Trigger Argee & Friends (it’s an anthology)
3. What's on your mouse pad? At home: Zeta Phi Beta stuff at work: a colorful globe with the name of my project on it
4. Favorite board game? You Don’t Know Jack ( it’s a computer game)
5. Favorite magazines? Comso, Mode, Ms.
6a. Favorite smells? Egyptian musk, sandalwood, white ginger
6b. Least favorite smells? Stinky people. Dead things.
7. Favorite sound? Someone (esp. Me) singing soulfully. My man calling me his baby in that tone of voice
8. Worst feeling in the world? Being scared and lonely and betrayed
9. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Ugh. 7 more minutes please!
10. Favorite color? Blues
11. How many rings before you answer the phone? Usually two. Gotta check the caller ID and be sure I WANT to answer first.
12. Future child's name? Dai’lah. (girl) David. (boy)
13. What is most important in life? Love.
14. Favorite foods? Cheeese.
15. Chocolate or vanilla? White Chocolate
16. Do you like to drive fast? Actually…I don’t drive
17. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Only when I’m in an odd mood.
18. Storms - cool or scary? Very very cool.
19. What type was your first car? Never had one.
20. If you could meet one person dead or alive? Umm.. my auntie.
21. Favorite alcoholic drink? Ameretto Sours
22. What is your zodiac sign? Capricorn!
23. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yes.
24. If you could have any job you wanted what would it be? Author.
25. If you could dye your hair any color? Hmmm.. a blond that would look GOOD on me.
26. Ever been in love? Yeah… a couple of times. Had my heart broke a couple of times too.
27. Is the glass half empty or half full? Depends on what’s in the glass.
28. Favorite movies: Much Ado About Nothing, Love Jones, The Fifth Element, Princess Bride.
29. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Sometimes…until I get lost.
30. What's under your bed? Dust balls, some books…some dirty magazines a few socks, my buzzing friend.
31. What is your favorite number? 13
32. What is your favorite item of clothing? Hmmm…my soft wrap skirts. They never bind or pinch
33. What food do you eat the most throughout the week? Bread.
35. Favorite tv show? Hmm… have to be The Relic Hunter. Tiiiiaaaaa!!
36. Favorite real world cast/city? Don’t know
37. Least favorite real world cast/city? Don’t know
38. If you had one luxury item to take with you on survivor, what would it be? Hmmm…Bug spray. Lots of it.
40. If you could live in any city in the world, where would you live? Atlanta!
41. Dog or cat person?Meow meow meow meow….

Weekend. Friday. Blaaggghhh

Okay... it's kinda ODD to see an advertisement for something that my company makes on the OD. *LOL* Even though Sarafem may be a blessing to many a woman on here.
mmm…dealing with a wide scale of issues and just stuff. Some stuff I have been keeping inside, mainly cuz I just didn’t feel like writing about it, and some because I just couldn’t *thinks* couldn’t condense it into something on paper.
Well… Life is good. I’m finally finally finally on the pill (after the simply ODDEST period I have ever had since I started) and hopefully that will work out okay. Haven’t noticed any exceedingly odd mood swings, but I am going to keep a firm eye on myself. I haven’t heard from the doctor yet, and I am not gonna call him either. SO there. *sighs* I have an appointment on the 3rd, so…just so.

For some reason, not sure why, for the past few weeks every once in a while the thought will pop into my head (as I am doing something) that I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I had a baby to take care of. Odd hm? I can’t figure out why… except for the whole ‘I want a baby dammit” urges are rising and bubbling up again. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell why they showed up the first time, and I have no clue why it’s popping up again. I have totally no intentions on acting on it… cuz I wanna be working from home by the time that happens. I haven’t touched the book yet… *sighs* I’m just a weak weak woman at times. I am considering taking the damn laptop home and working on it this weekend…if I just don’t sleep the weekend away. UGH! Besides all that… I think that one of my co-workers is pregnant…We sit next to each other and for the past few days she has been checking out A LOT of pregnancy & new mommy spots. Her and her husband have been married for a little under two years… so who knows? That would be…odd though to say the least. Also she has mentioned training me as her replacement in case she has to leave for an extended period of time. Hmmmmmm *shrugs* I’m hopelessly nosy though, so who knows.

I’m going out tomorrow to buy some good sneakers. I’ve decided that I would like to get some Ryka’s , just because they are made for women’s feet. I am NOT going to even pay attention to the price, because I need them. *sighs* This is going to be HARD. I hate buying sneakers…*sighs* there seems like there is so much ‘hype’ around them and I HATE paying for hype. *sighs* But I do need them if I am going to start walking more (like I need to be). Ugh ugh ugh. I think this is going to be a low food month. : ( . I also wanted to take my driving lessons this month…all in all it is going to be a TIGHT month. : ) But I will be aiight…cux my FURNITURE is coming MONDAY. Whooo-hoooo!!! I’m bidding on a rug on e-bay…and as I still have my 100.00 gift card from Pier One… I think I will go shopping there this weekend too. Money money money MMMMMMONNNEEEEEYYYY…. I am starting to look for a part time job again. I think maybe a book store… maybe a resturant (though god KNOWS I don’t wanna be a server) or maybe even the library. That would be cool.

*smiles* I love my mommy!! She is so great to talk to on the phone.
Hmm… I don’t what I am going to get into this weekend. I might cuddle with my Cheffy boy. I think I am not going to ask him to move in. I will wait for a while…I don’t know how long. *shrugs* I greatly enjoy having him around but….I don’t think I am ready for THAT particular leap of faith. *sighs* I don’t know. Somehow I think this is all wrapped in in the baby thing. *shrugs* I am looking forward to enternity with SOMETHING other than just me. *shrugs* Settling fever? No clue.
Damn I wanna go home right NOW. *sighs* 3 more hours. Yick yick yiccccck!!

Oh yeah! Happy point. I have found a perfume/colonge that I just LOVE. And.... Chef likes it to. :) I mean he reaaallly likes it. The fact that it is a men's colonge bothers me not in the least. hmmm.. more shopping?

Stay Jazzed.

I'm Back....

Notes from the trip. I realized while I was gone that most of my favorites ( at least the ones who leave me notes) only accept safe notes. As I wasn’t going to log in (and then reset all the favorites who had written) I just read…and of course by the time I got here to RE-READ the entries… I forgot what the devil I was going to say. *shrugs*

I had forgotten what is was like to feel ‘fine’. In Indy, I tend to feel like an invisible woman. Too black, too fat, too natural with my hair & my style…too whatever that just doesn’t fit what the folx up here consider to be fine. In Atlanta though… I just feel RIGHT. It’s the little things, the appreciative glint in a brothers eye as I walk by, the easy smiles, the approving pauses, the acknowledgement that - Hey, there goes a woman, a sista, a fine thing that I am gonna take a break out of my day and feast my eyes on. Damn shame…I was there for what? 4 days? And I can feel a difference in my stride, a slinkiness in my step, and wee bit of a bounce to my booty even… DAMN! I really miss that city. I need to come back… I need to find a new job and move back to Atlanta and live there for a long long long time. It truly is home for me.. I am however, still quite glad that I left. I needed some time away to.. grow a little. Breathe in some different air, develop a little more. I definitely feel like I am an ‘older’ woman now than the womanchild I was when I left. Of course, the gorgeous weather, the fact that I was wearing skirts most of the weekend, and the sun in my hair MIGHT have added to all that…but I was even feeling the city when it was raining and dreary. *sighs* I can’t wait till it gets warmer here. A woman can only feel but SO lovely when she is covered from head to toe in ‘cold weather’ gear. Yeech.
Supposed to spend some time with ThatGuy today, but as his plane is leaving at 6:00 pm, and I haven’t heard from him yet, I’m guessing that ain’t gonna happen. *shrugs* I’m not stressing it. I got a response of some type… what more could I really ask for? *laughs* How bout we just NOT go there?
Cheffy is fine… I missed him so much. I realized one of the reasons I am considering asking him to move in is financial… I figure if he lived there he would pick up part of the costs of him being there.. rather than just feeding (literally) offa me. Groceries ain’t cheap man. And he is there all the time anyway! *sighs* Though it would be nice to have the house to myself for a while…play some Jill Scott realllll loud (though that girl talk about love love LOOOVE too much… I’m still trying to be hard core).. it’s not even that. I want it to be WARM dammit… so I can open the windows and let spring into my home and my body…let the sun shine shine shine in every window. *sighs* This winter shit is realllllly starting to grate on me.
I wish I could draw… I have this wonderful idea for a anti super heroine….but I can’t tell anybody cuz then I won’t be able to get the royalties… : ) yeah.. anyway.
Back at this damn job. *sighs* I’m just not into it. That’s the problem. It isn’t really the job… it the loose yet tight structure of the company… and the utter boredom of what I am doing. Gooooodddddddd it’s just sooo damnnnn dull. Bureaucracy sucks.
I got some of the stuff I ordered from e-bay. The bra is too damn small so I’m a little bitter (yet ANOTHER reason to lose weight) . Speaking of losing weight.. I have joined one of those lovely lovely Yahoo Clubs that is all about support for Af Am women to lose weight. *sighs* I don’t wanna talk to the people in this office about it (we ain’t THAT tight) and most of the sistas I know are Little already… so.. I’m turning to some e-sistas to help me out…do a little hand holding and some rebuking! *deep breath* I’m going to make it… somehow.
I’m gone.

Stay Jazzed.

The End of Weeks....

Life is so wonderful sometimes. I get home… and Chef has cleaned up most of the apartment. The kitchen and the living room were practically spotless…and while he left the bedroom for me, as most of the stuff that was in there was my clothing (clean and otherwise) I totally understand that. So.. I was able to jump right into washing clothes and cleaning up the bedroom. *grins* He’s a wonderful man he is he is. *wonders how detailed she can get about how wonderful he is* *grins* *blushes*

He reallly IS a wonderful man. Such such such a hot ass he is…. And he encourages the hot ass in me. For some odd reason as a relationship progresses I tend to retreat sexually…as in I get shyer and shyer as time goes by. But with him… he just pullllssss the hot ass out of me. I start to feel silly about being shy, and I just let go of any of the inhibitions that I might be developing. *laughs* And it ends up being good good good. Damn! So good. *sighs* It’s odd. March 22nd will be our six month ‘anniversary’ but…it feels like we have been together for just AGES.

That of course might be a side effect of the fact that he damn near lives with me…but… *shrugs* I don’t know. I’m considering asking him if he wants to move in. *deep breath* Since he dan near lives with me anyway, and he will be staying in the downtown location of the resturant which means his apartment is even MORE out of the way, and considering that he is trying to save money to get a car… *sigh & shrug* I don’t know. It seems like it would be a good move. I think I might ask him. : ) Besides… I like having him around. *sighs* My momma says if he moves in I should make him pay all the rent. *LOL* anyyyyway. I don’t know. I just don’t.

Hm. Boring day at work. Gettting some stuff done. But no where near as much as I should be…or no where near as much as my group should be I would say. *yyaaawwwwnnn* I think I might skip outta here kinda ea rly. *laughs* no I won’t… I don’t kno why I keep saying that… I’mma be stuck here *moans* Well… I can waste some time and try to hunt down my mom’s birthday gift… I am going to have to get it soon in order to be sure that it gets there on time. She asked for a book on Flower Arranging… *sighs* there are so MANY books on flower arranging. I have found a couple on Amazon (my friends) as well as a book on microwave flower drying that I want to get for myself, but I just don’t know which ones to pick. While I am in Atlanta I think I will go to the Borders and browse. *sighs* If it wasn’t for the internet and the library I would truly be going batty in this town.
Okay… I’m tired of writing. I wanna go to sleep, but we all know that THAT ain’t happening.

Stay Jazzed.

Last Minute Words

*squirms and wiggles in her chair* oh oh oh... I have like 15 minutes left of work. *sighs* It really sucks that I am a fast worker. damn damn damn. I was reading some entries by this weeks (months?) Editor's Choice and BOY! She writes the way I tend to talk to myself... but more babbly. Even I'm not THAT confusing inside my own head. But than again...how would I know if I was taht confusing...if I am talking to myself in my own head then I should know what I'm talking about right? So it wouldn't be the least bit confusing to me. *re-reads that* now THAT... was confusing. Even though something that confuses me (whne I talk to myself) is that I ask myself questions that I already know the answer to... like I am talking to another person and I was mumbling and so they didn't quite hear me. Then I start to answer them...and realize just how crazy this is that I am telling myslef the answer to a question that I just answered. Um. That was REALLY twisty.
I would take a cab home just cuz I realllly miss my house and it's all cold a grey outside, but I'm going to be good girl and catch the bus. It's really messed up...the weather that is. Yesterday it was all nice a sunshiny and warm, and today it's all grumpy and grey and cloudy and cold.. *shivers* br br br...I did go out for lunch today though. We went to this hole-in-the-wall mexican place which makes just the BEST mexican food ever. I had a nice taco salad (lots of greenery) and some rice water to drink. I really wanna know what is in the rice water. I would try to make it at home, but that would most likely be an utter waste of both rice and water. Hmm... I think I am going to bake some bread tonight too... and of course all this is based on justh ow tired I am going to be (or not be when I get home). Another thing about myself that drives me up the wall is the fact tha I can be in that just right spot of sleepiness at work.. wher you KNOW that is you fell asleep just then your dreams would be all interesting and colourful and the like... but by the time I get home I am alert and awake and alive. And for some rason I can never quite reach that almost perfect state of sleepiness when I am at home. I just get dead, can't-keep-my-eyes-open-and-would-start-to-cry-if-I-had-to kind of sleepy... which at home demands that you immeadiately crawl into the bed and crash for at least 6 hours. hmmm...as my legs have been rather slow and wobbly all day.. I think I better start packing up to go.

Stay Jazzed.

Good, Bad?

Urgh & Ugh! Okay… I sent a picture to Eric’s OD Picture page, and after looking at it and talking to a friend of mine… I realized that picture looks not at all like me now. I weigh more, I think I look at least a little older, and I have a HELL of a lot less hair. So, I went home last night, grabbed some pictures I took for Chef’s Christmas gift, went to a camera shop, got them scanned onto a disk, downloaded Photo Shop Pro’s trial version, fiddled and edited, found a site to host them… *sighs* And finally finally finallyyyyyy got the REAL pictures of me up. *raised eyebrow* Can’t you tell I didn’t have enough to do at work today? I had to hunt and hunt to find a site that let’s you just host pages…and can I tell you that most places don’t?? *sighs* Besides all that… I have a lovely headache, and I am sleepy…and I am going home to a dirty grubby apartment. *sighs* What a day what a day.
Anyhow… I need to start getting ready to get outta here…Indy that is. I leave to go to Atlanta on Saturday and I must say that my supply of clean clothes is NOT going to make it. And besides all that I HATE coming home to a junky place.. so that means that I have to start cleaning so that I will be all cleaned up when I come home on Tuesday. Blurgh. I’m in a really bitch bitch bitch mood.. but I don’t want to fall into that complaining mode.
Definitely an I-hate-work day… I should have stayed in bed. Hm. Maybe it’s just a Thursday thing…but the knowledge that I have to suffer through another entire DAY of this is just… icky. Blurgh.
I’m babbling… putting off stuff that I could be doing in favor of stuff that I shouldn’t be doing. I am a bad bad bad girl. I have this thing about repetition. I like saying certain things over and over and over again. (see?) *sighs* I am so in love it ain’t even funny. *grins* I’m…I don’t know. I wonder if I can go any faster any slower…does that make ANY sense at all?
Ummm…..i guess I should go and do some work now. Yeech.

Stay Jazzed.

Star Struck

For as long as I can remember, I have been captivated by extra-terrestrial things. Stars, other planets, moons, galaxies…they all create a quiver in my heart and a tingle in my mind. I blame my mother totally for this. I couldn’t have been anymore than 4 when she told me that I was not her real daughter, that I was actually from Jupiter and her real child had been traded for me.
Mind you, normally this would have been something rather traumatic to tell a young child, but for some odd reason I was never distressed by the fact that I was NOT her ‘real’ child, but I was more pleased and thrilled by the fact that I was from Jupiter. AS I have gotten older, I have developed even MORE of an attraction to ‘up there’. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my eyes were far too bad for me ever to get up there. So I have settled for staring at the stars from afar…greeting the moon whenever I can see her clearly, knowing constellations and satellites like the names of my friends.
None of this has eased my fascination with the stars in the least. I can look at a picture and feel a thrill of wonder and amazement…a feeling of awe that almost brings tears to my eyes…just from seeing a blurry image of a nebula, or the crisp image of another planet. And Jupiter! Oh my… it fascinates me…the delicate appearance of the monster of our Solar System. So huge that it could contain hundreds of Earths, a gravitational pull that is less than the sun, but not my very much…and almost completely unknown, covered in a layer of gas that conceals all of it’s secrets. *sighs* My…I can’t think of a single word… it’s fascination, mixed with awe and an intense sense of wonder with the night sky is one of the major reasons that I want a car with a sun roof. I want to be able to drive deep deep into the country…or through the desert maybe, and then stop and lean back my seat and just stare at the stars until I feel like I am going to burst with their beauty.
How can anyone be nonchalant about the night sky? How can you NOT feel like a tiny part of an huge and wonderful universe when you look up and see stars? How can anyone presume to be the only intelligent beings in the Universe when the realization hits that there is a galaxy whose light we are seeing is over 2 million years old… that what we see may be GONE by the time it’s light reaches us? I suppose this is something that I am passively passionate about. *sighs* I hate living in the city sometimes…when you look up and all you can see is one or two stars…and they are rather faint. *snickers* I wish for blackout sometimes…just so that people can SEE what is up there. It looks so peaceful, but in truth is amazingly violent and changing.

Those are the Pleiades. The Seven Sisters. Such beauty there is in the night sky. There are hundreds of gorgeous pictures to see... if you are into that kinda thing. :)

Stay Jazzed

P.S. LOGICALLY... I know I'm NOT from Jupiter...emotionally...I'm still up in the air (pun not intended) about that.

New Survey....

The song that you would have wanted to have played the day you were born:
“Born to be Wildddddddd”

Four songs that best represent your childhood:
“Rolling Stone” – The Tempations
“Opps, Upside yo Head” – some disco group
“Girls just wanna have fun” – Cyndi Lauper
“Cry if I want to” – No clue

The songs you most associate with being in love:
“Loving You” – Minnie Ripperton
“Angel of Mine” – Monica? Brandy? One of em…
“Finally” – Shanice
“the U 4 U” – Arrested Development
“Still the One” – Shania Twain

The song that you sing when you're walking in the rain
“Singing in The rain” – Gene Kelly (Thanks ~Axis!!) And yes…sometimes I do the umbrella twirl & skip

The song that represents your friends:
“Pride, A Deeper Love” - can’t remember

The song that makes your spirit fly
“Amazing Grace”
“Joyful, Joyful”

One song for the road you travel:
“Everything Must Change” – Oleta Adams

Driving music
Ms. Jackson and Disco Music

Two songs for dancing like a crazy fox
“I Would Die 4 U” – Prince
“Tennessee” – Aresseted Development

Five songs you can't help but sing along with at the top of your lungs:
“I Get so Lonely” – Ms. Jackson
“BrickHouse” – The Commodores (Thanks Buckethead!)
“Sh!t, D@mn, M#thaf#cker” – D’ Angelo
“Fairy Tales” – Anita Baker
“Your Love” – Whitney Houston
“Let’s Get Married – The Remix” – Jagged Edge

One song you think you sound good at when you sing it a capella (your friends may not agree):
“Loving You” – Minne Ripperton

Three instrumentals you'd share with your friends:
Sweetback’s Entire Album
“Seven Moments of Love” – The Art of Noise

One song for when you think about your own mortality:
“Forever Young” – Rod Stewart

Songs that best represent greatest sorrows in your life:
“It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday” - Boyz II Men
“How can I live without you” – LeAnn Rimes

Songs that represent people you've loved (past and present)
“If you Don’t Know Me” – The Whispers?
“I Don’t Have The Heart” – James Ingram
“Every Step you Take” - *hangs head* I really like the Puffy/Faith Version

Your favorite TV theme
The Smurfs

A song you play when you're lonely:
If I want to cheer myself up – Disco
If I want to stay lonely – “Bitter” by Me’shell N’degechello

The song you want played at your funeral:
“Time and Chance” – Color Me Badd

Five songs to round out your life so far
“Father of Mine” – EverClear
“Control” – Ms. Jackson
“I Get Around” – Tu Pac
“Fishing For Religion” – Arrested Development
“Pomp and Circumstance”

And of course, the things you'd never be caught dead with on your life's soundtrack:

Any hard Metal

One song you'd never want to admit to having liked
*grins* I have funky tastes so I admit to all of my weird ass musical likings…

One song you'd be glad never to hear again
That DAMN I wish song my R. Kelly. Him and his whiny ass.


*grins* That was fun…. But not quite satisfying somehow. Hm…

Stay Jazzzed.

Scared to Fly

*sighs* Tippy-toey, Tippy-toey. I can almost HEAR myself edging around writing. If reading about writing made one a writer, I would be a wirter twelve times over. But as it doesn’t… I end up just kinda tippy-toeing around it. *sighs* I am going to start taking the laptop home, and working on at least half a chapter a day…after I bang out the entire plot line. There is nothing worse than getting stopped in the middle of the book ‘cause you neglected to figure out what was going to happen next. The characters have been bouncing around in my head for a while now, and I almost KNOW what they are going to do.. I guess I’m just scared of letting them out. I will be even worse than usual, wandering around talking to invisible people. I think.
Oh mercy.. I am always so…so weak when it comes to actually starting something. I think I am scared of actually pulling it off and being a success. Isn’t that utterly ridiculous? *rolls eyes at herself* Well… Something small I can do to get my little toesies on the path to exposing my ‘art’ to the world is I am going to enter the Photography Contest here at work. The subject is Macro Photography and/or Repeating patterns…and I know I have some good ones in both of those subject already. However, as spring is blooming and all that jazz, I might also go out and take some new ones. The last time I used my camera was like wayyy before Christmas and that is just ridiculous.

Well… in other news. I am SOOOO out of shape it is a damn shame. I had to semi kinda almost run for a bus on Friday and it was just UGLY. *sighs* And I even have a hard time walking really fast. *sighs* Ugh ugh ugh… not a happy personal opinion day/weekend for Jazzy. No it wasn’t. I Must get my lazy lazy tail up and out and at em… I know that will also help me lose weight. MY excuse? Don’t have the right shoes… which is quite true. So why don’t I go and buy some? Do you know how much a good pair of sneakers COST?? *holds head and groans* I’m so damn cheap it’s a shame. Unless of course…it’s something that I really really want…then I will scrimp and save for it. Huh. Reading another diary gave me an idea though… maybe I could invest in a jump rope and start with that. Those suckers work you out. *thoughtful thoughtful thoughtful*

*grins* I am about to do a survey that I saw on IceChica’s page.. *grins* It’s another music survey…. And Rein… I do NOT have a problem. I can stop anytime I want to.

Stay Jazzed.

Talk about a Day late...

Well ain’t THAT nothing. I had been keeping an eye out for the past couple of days so that I could make my 500th entry all special and shmoopy and stuff… and I glided right on by. If it hadn’t been for Merleebird…I wouldn’t have realized it until like next week at some point. : ( That kinda sucks. *grins* But anyhow… since I didn’t WRITE the 500th entry with the idea that it was the 500th… I will just analyze what I wrote and try to instill it with some greater meaning. *re-reads entry three times* Nope… no greater meaning there. : )

But annnyyyway. Man…. It’s been a long trip. 500 big ones. Some not so big, some two parters cuz they are so big. *Thinks* Only two relationships… more than two sex partners, an abortion, a graduation, a new job, a new town, lost friends, new friends, love, anger, despair, joy…. I tell you I have run the gamut of human emotions here. And in the last few weeks I have found myself growing more comfortable with who I am… like me & my inner Diva are slowly creeping towards each other, slowly starting to connect to each other like nothing else even matters. Somehow I think the OD is helping me grow. Or if not at least helping me see the fact that I AM growing. It’s kinda cool.

We hav ea half day at work today and I am torn about what to do… the other half of the day is supposed to be at this place called Block Party, games(regular and video) and food, and other fun stuff. But… it’s way in east Gabump… and I reallllllllly don’t feel like catching a bus all the way back home as no of my group lives out there. I could just go home…*sighs* but then everyone would be Like “oh.. we missed you and Oh…we had so much fun” … and really I do wanna go… I just want somebody to bring me back home. Lazy maybe? Nahh… I have to go way out to east goodgod later on tonight for this free gifty thing that me & chef are going to after shamelessly lying and saying we are married. Foreshadowing maybe? Quiet as it’s kept, that is one of the main reasons why I want to be a published money making writer. It is a job that I think I would love to do, and I can do it at home so I can be a lovely mother to the brood of kids I hope to have.
Ah well…. Happy 500 and 1th entry to me!!!

Stay Jazzed.

Cuz I'm a LION... yeah!

Oh… this love-hate cycle with me and my job is just ridiculous. One week I’m in looovvveee…. Busy, productive and everything, and the next week I’m pulling out my heart and just impatient to get the HELL outta here. Regretfully… this is a clearly hate week. Or maybe I’m just too damn tired to feel like it is anything other than a hate week. I have been sleeping like the DEAD for the past few days…I’m talking about out like a LIGHT. I get home, manage to stay awake for a few hours, and then by 8ish I’m out… and I don’t wake back up until around 6:00…or 5:30. I don’t know what’s going on…maybe I’m about to get my period. Yeah right….

I’m being a major punk in putting off calling my doctor to see what the results of my biopsy were. I look at it this way: If he called me to tell me that I had a UTI… he would for sure as hell call me and tell me that I had cancer or HPV right?? But on the same token, if I ‘don’t’ have either one of those things, why am I being a punk and not calling him? I have no clue… just my gut level cowardice showing it self. I’m almost over my cold, down to blowing my nose a mere 12 times a day rather than the unbelievable previous high of 53. And I am done taking the antibiotics for the above mentioned UTI. So… I guess all in all, I’m getting better. Huh.

I’m vaguely sticking my nose into writing again. C.W. wrote a long series of diary entries about the writing process, and even though she made it sound about as fun and getting your teeth pulled without the benefit of novocaine, it sparked me (again). So… I have been poking around in various sites, and I have pulled out my synopsis’ of the book(s) I would like to write, and I am trying to figure out if I will be able to break through this miasma of exhaustion and actually get something done. I bought a book off of ebay that might help….speaking of which…

I’m hooked on ebay. In the past few or so days I have won at least 4 auctions, and I am consistently browsing it, hunting for more goodies. Really.. it’s sad, though I did manage to get a perfectly lovely bra. I hope it fits better than the demons of wire and cloth I have been wearing. I am spending money that I really DON’T need to be spending. Because of the extra money I had, and the fact that I paid low on my bills this month, I have enough money.. but still… I have a lot of time to go before I get paid again. Well.. only two weeks, but I am going to Atlanta during that time, and who KNOWS what kind of trouble I will get into while I’m there. I really do miss that city.

Cheffy actually has a day off during the weekend. He has Saturday off, and I am considering spending it at his house. Even though his house is no where near as comfortable as mine, still… it’s just the thought. I have decided not to give him money for his furniture. Why? Mainly because, well… I just don’t see him making an effort on his own to get it. I know that a lot of people don’t work with their money the way I do, but I know when I want something that costs more than I have at one time. I put money away slowly but surely. I conserve and try to trim the extras if I am really in a rush to get it. He has been interested in/trying to get this furniture since November at the latest, and possibly before then. He hasn’t put it on lay-away, hasn’t started saving or making payments on it of any type, but he would like me to pony up half the money. Urgh. Nope… not gonna happen, at least not until I see him making more of an effort to get it. I am not going to start another bad habit with him when it comes to money. The whole food thing is bad enough, I’m not going to start up with anything else.

My mom keeping asking me if he is ‘The One’, and each time she asks me I honestly have to tell her that I ain’t sure. As we approach the 9 month mark, I will be able to tell better. Around nine months is the time that most of my other relationships start to crumble, so if we pass that mark smoothly, then that will be a sign to me. If not, I KNOW that I have enjoyed every minute of this relationship, and it was well worth taking the time to try him out. But…. Deep deep deeeeeep in my heart, I am hoping that he is “that one”. It would be so lovely…

I think I will go off and find some more surveys. Contrary to everything that Desert Rein says… I am NOT addicted. I just like to do them when I’m really bored. I have an odd hope that somehow it will reveal the inner essence of me. Yeah… anyway.

Stay Jazzed.