*blinkblink*

Wow. Tuesday already? Huh - that was quick.

Let's see - the weekend was loverly.  Did some stuff around the house, made another trip to Home Depot, finally planted some stuff, generally relaxed.  My heart made some sexy legs (ya know how they have hot wings? Well we had sexy legs. *LOL*) and we ate like kings and queens.  Used the remains of that poor pork shoulder and he made a lovely corn chowder. I don't even LIKE corn and it was scrumptious. Slept til 4pm on Saturday, then, of course - woke up outrageously early (11!!!) on Sunday. Generally, a fantabulously relaxing weekend. Made even more so because it's his last free weekend! Poor baby. But!! I have the house to myself one day out of the week again! Rah!

Put in the order for the furniture yesterday - haven't heard back on how much we are going to get poochscrewed with shipping, but figure it's well worth it.

Relaized that one of the reasons I'm going OUT of my gourd at work is that I have no music.  I have a hard time focusing without music - I get distracted and start doing other things (like reading OD) when I realyl should be working. I've been here for about a month now - hell, almost two, and I figure I'm now allowed to listen to music at my desk. Plan on going to Target to get headphones and MAYBE pick up a CD of the latest music. Ohhh! And it's Tuesday! Target always has new releases out on Tuesday. Maybe I'll suprise the hubby with something - he's been asking about his LONG delayed birthday gift.  Heh. I should just buy some ribbon and be done with it.

Got the book for the book club yesterday and finished it last night. Yes, I'm a VERY fast reader. It was Babylon Sisters by Pearl Cleage. Good book - I've always enjoyed her writing, but had a couple of - plot points that I just didn't understand the characters reasons for. I think it'll be a wonderful book to discuss, see what we all think of it.  I'm not too fond of stories that don't seem to hang together reasonable - no Deus ex machina for me, thank you VERY much. I DID very much enjoy the fact that the book was set in the West End of Atlanta - right up the street from my college - so I recognized the area and the stores/locations she was talking about.  Gave me a bit of melencholy, it did. Hah! Almost forgot - after I finished Babylon Sisters, I then read another book (Dhamphir? - I think that's how you spell it) that I had brought Monday afternoon with Babylon Sisters - it was good, but I doubt that I'll be getting the others in the series. I like experimenting with new authors, even when I'm not totally sucked into the world. Yes, I read very fast. And no, I usually don't skim - I retain 90% of what I read - fiction is very easy for me to read, non-fiction, not so much as I have to read it slower to be sure that I fully understand.

Didn't do a damn thing creative this weekend besides determining where the carrots shold go.  Ah well. My brain is making up for it in spades with various fevered dreams. I've been having deep INTENSE dreams for - weeks it feels like now. Hm. My aunt was alive in that one, and once again, we were in the House.  I'm not sure where the House is, or where its come from, but I can remember having dreams in the House that were so real even NOW they feel like memories as far back as high school - my best friend was in several of the early ones, and I didn't meet him until sophmore year.  The House morphs - adds a few rooms, hallways start to lead to different places, but there are a few things that remain constant.
1) The steps - there is a HUGE staircase in the House that leads literally everywhere. There are a couple of dead stops - where the steps just stop against a wall, or where there's no way to continue down them without a jump - but they are everywhere.
2) The Attic - it's a completely finished attic - odd because it sometimes morphs into another house of it's own.
3) The people - not always the same people, but the House is ALWAYS full of people. Even in the scary dreams, I'm just in a solitary SECTION of the House - it's never empty.
Hmm...I never really realized this before - I'm not sure if its a conglaboration of all the houses I've ever been in, or some house that I was in and was too young to remember - but the House is - comfortable. It's OLD and half falling apart and outrageously huge, but it's - safe. Even when I'm scared shitless - it's safe. Wow.
Anyhow - almost all of the recent dreams have been either in the House or - someplace else. Hah. Of course, as soon as I try to think of what that other location is, it slides away. I guess I'm more awake than I thought I was.  C is in most of them lately - along with a bunch of other people - it's like the House is my mind......hmmmmmmmmm....dammit!! I shouldn't be allowed to come up with new book ideas until I finish the ones I already have - but what a wonderful setting for a series of short stories.  Yeah, I know it's been done - many, many times - but I'd like to write the House out. Not that I  want to stop dreaming about it - but - ahhh.....I don't know.

Tsk. Only 10:13.......I suppose I really SHOULD start digging into my work. Bah. Me not challegened = me bored = my tendency to procrastine expontentially increased.  I guess I should check the email once more.

Edit: *GASP* I just gave myself a PERFECT bloody reason to get an Ipod!!! Perfect!!!! Note Paragraph Four. Holy Cow! And it wasn't until I went to Yahoo! to look up the latest music releases that it hit me. Holy Shamolies BatMan!  Oh! Oooohhh! Ohohoh!!!!!

5/9/05

Had another encounter this weekend - apparently, there's something about done-with-the-gardening-dirty girls that hubby likes - thankfully, our neighbors didn't come peeking over the fence, and our patio furniture didn't collapse. Even more important, the patio has officially been christened! Dang, should have saved some of the champange for that. Twice in under a week? Write this one in the record books boys! It's odd - because this time is was definitely a 'him' initiating it, and - it took me a while (okay - 5 minutes) to decide if I was going to join in. It's interesting looking inside my head at times like that - it wasn't that I WANTED it - but I wasn't averse to it either. So - we had lovely outdoorsy sex. Maybe that's what I should focus on more - not whether I want it or not - but why I'm sometimes averse to it, and sometimes not.

I'm - a juicy girl. (change of subject) - and I don't mean that in the pussy kinda way. I'm - fat. There, I said it. But - I'm fat in all the right places. I've got hips and ass and boobs till all eternity, and I do like all of them thangs - it's just the juiciness in other places that bugs me. The belly. The thighs - though with the hips I've got, the thighs are really part of the package. The general - juiciness of all my juicy. Sometimes, I'm okay with it - hell, most of the time. I've never been 'big' on clothing, and my usual laying about the house outfit is a tanktop and draws. But - sometimes - I - wonder - if my weight has much to do with how - sexy I act/feel/think. I mean - hell, even at my skinniest (which was still fat) I - felt sexy. But - let's just say that I DO have low testosterone - it would kinda make sense that the less body mass I have, the more effective it would be. Also - considering the fact that I get 'revved' from outside attention, the slimmer I am, the more 'attention' I get. That's one of the things I LOVE about the south - hips and ass and boobs (and not in 36-24-36 proportions either) are - more appreciated than they are up North. No clue where I'm going with this really - just - thinking on paper (on screen?) more than anything else.

Actually, I take that back, I do know where I was going. I'm thinking about dieting (ugh!) and exercising (double - no TRIPLE ugh!) again. One of my friends commented on how going to the gym always make him horny, and it was like - hmmm... I wonder if that would work for me. But - gah! Ugh! I need to find either a good club, or a wonderful dance class - which is the only kind of exercise I really enjoy and can see myself doing frequently.

Gah. Meeting. I hate work. Really. I need to be a kept woman. I would have made a WONDERFUL courtesan.

Friday! (flow of consiousness)

Yaaayyyyy!!! Friday. And I'm feeling all creative and shtuff... I think I might go home and play with my clay some. It's the end of a long yet quiet week. I sent out all of our mother's day cards yesterday - first time in YEARS they'll actually get done on time. Me & C are going to do something fun this weekend - still not sure what. Random notes of stuff, because I really want to leave but - AH!! How did I forget to mention this?? C got a job!! Yaaayyyy!! At this chi-chi members only club - not the position he was really looking for, but he's thrilled even more because the current chef there is willing to teach him a lot of the fine dinig knowledge he was having to pick up it bits and pieces on his own. So - that's an UTTER thrill. Maybe we'll go shopping this weekend - find that agricenter Bellisa has been telling me about. Get some soil for our herbs (which still have yet to be planted). Buy some more flowerpots. maybe go dancing - I'm in a dancing mood. though I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do as I did SOMETHING to my big toe this morning - tripped over the bath mat (it was before 7am - I'm usually still hitting the snooze button then!) and twisted my big toe all to mercy. I think I might have bruised the bone - it's tender, but very walk-on-able. ah. I don't know. We might just stay home- such homebodies we are to be two young, cheerful, social people. I have an excuse being an homeschooled only child - him, not so much except he was always the odd one is his family. Need to find a bookstore - there's gotta be a borders on Poplar somewhere. If I felt like dealing with 4pm Friday traffic Imight just drive straight down poplar (and now of course, the locations of at least two bookstores jsut popped into my mind) but I'm in too good of a loverly friday mood to bother. Hmmm....palm pilot is charging, maybe I'll get an ipod after all. hah. I'd make myself a deal and say if I started exercising I'd get one, but we all know how ell I keep deals with myself. It's sad. I'm not buying any ciggies this weekend - I'm trying to slowly wean myself off. I don't smoke in the house at all (don't want the smell to seep in the carpets) and don't smoke when C is in the car with me. I have three left, so I'll be out by tonight. We bought some lovely inscense online last night - Black Nag. It smells heavenly - to me it will always smell like our home. Always.  Drinking Dr. Pepper - nasty. Entirely too sweet - but the machine was all sold out of Diet Dr. Pepper (my usual soda of choice) and I really wanted one. Oh well. I'd like to leave now (as I was saying a long way up) but C's jub is only 10 minutes away and he is having a meeting with his chef - as soon as his chef gets out of another meeting. He's so excited - so happy - I love seeing him happy. and of course, the extra money is a thrill too. Can't wait till he's saved up enough for another car. It'll be lovely, it will. manuvering them in our driveway - maybe not so much fun, but it has to be done. I realized a few days ago that I still have the keyring from his old car (totalled) on my car key ring - speaking of which I thought I had lost my keys at PrincessaP's housewarming, and C found them deep in the bottom of my purse (precisely where logically almost anal me would have shoved them just to be safe). Must read more Pregnancy, Childbirth and the NEwborn - though it's so chockfulla info. Thinking about starting on the Doula book so that I can have something to trade off on - or maybe a thinking woman's guide to birth. So many books...I need to get more bookshelves - we still ahve two boxes of stuffed animals and a huge box of board games - I don't think I've thrown away a single game I've owned - me and my mother would play so often - I think the word games are one of the reasons I love to read so much - I've got a huge vocabulary, but can't pronounce half of them - a clear sign of a reader. Anyhow, we have these boxes and I don't want to just shove the games in the attic because then we'd certianly never play them, but I'm not sure where to put them. I was thinking maybe a set of wall sheleves over our lowbookcase, but I'm not sure - the walls seem sturdy enough (hard to drill/nail into but very secure) but I don't want 'industrial' looking brackets. Hmm.. that might be something fun to do online. Ah... need to fill the new waterbed too - it came in this tiny tiny box - me & C are still wondering if there is actually a queen size waterbed in there, but we figure that it's really flat since it's never been filled. I wonder what kind of stress tests they do on waterbeds - Consumer reports doesn't do any reviews of waterbeds and only a couple on mattresses. I've never owned a 'real' mattress, and the only one I've ever slept on that was 'mine' was a twin size at my mothers house before I went to college. Otherwise, I've had futons (wonderful things) or the waterbed (heated too, so even MORe wonderful). We need new sheet sets though - we got two with the waterbed, but they are both close to ugly. Also need a duvet for the new king size down comforter - ohh, how I love my down.

*blink* 3:35pm, on a Friday.

Goodnight.

And to all you mama's - Happy Mothers Day.

Countdown (count up??)

Yaaayyyy mee!! Not only did we have sex last night, I actually more or less initiated.

A good meal, two weeks of loving kindness and tenderness, and a bottle of champange. As usual, it was grand - great - had me giggling and shivering through the whole thing, and of course he was just - ecstatic. Thinking back, I think the last time we had sex was at least a month ago, maybe about 5, 6 weeks? Oh course, included in that period were two week-long periods, a week of a pregnancy scare (I'm perpetually paranoid - see previous entry for why), and a week and a half of him being a royal ass because I didn't give him any. Which, means we had a week and a half window for sex....which while it still sucks, it isn't too too bad.

I have to reassure myself that I don't TOTALLY suck. But, I wanted to note when and the circumstances around when we have sex - esp. if I initiate (which is even rarer) to try and keep a record of what makes me click. We were celebrating some REALLY good news (still nervous, but it's a bit of a weight off of my shoulders) and like I said - two tequila sunrises, and a shared bottle of VERY nice champange - and off come the clothes.

In our last 'conversation' Hubby made a comment that kinda hurt my feelings - and I couldn't really understand the logic behind (at least in my head). He said that it hurt him/made him tendersad that the only time I am really sexual (and enthuased about it) is when I've been knocking a few back. I suspect that in order for me to be - consistently randy - it's going to take some sort of medication, and honestly, I'm cool with that. But - I couldn't understand from his point of view how medication from a doctor to make me horny is any better/different from SELF-medication to make me horny/randy. He's kinda stuck on the idea that I have inhibitions that cause me to not desire sex - but I don't FEEL inhibited - I just don't feel. and liqour makes me FEEL and desire to be felt quicker. Not that I'm saying that it DOESN'T drop my inhibitions, as much of my slutting occured while I was blowed out of my BRAIN, and when I woke up the next morning I usually wasn't the LEAST bit interested in doing the deed with them again - except Samson - but as I've said - he was exceptional. Soo....not sure why he's okay with the drugs changing my mental state and not okay with the alcohol changing my mental state - Men. I wouldn't think he would CARE either way.

So, last night I signed onto a new swinger site - currently we are members of swappernet, adultfriendfinder, SDC...and someplace else, that I can't remember off the top of my head. SDC is the one I joined last night - I wonder how much that had to do with the spontaeneous sex.

I've - suspected - for a long time that my main issue is low testosterone. I did some reasearch/reading a long time ago, and the description of women with exceptionally low testosterone fit me to a T. Mainly - that RUSH you get from a new encounter - at least in women - is actually your body, responding to this new stimulus, producing higher quantities of testosterone than usual. However, after about 3 months, the 'newness' has worn off, and the levels of testosterone being produced drop rather quickly back down to normal. Each time there is someone new though, it spikes back up.

So - I've noticed that every time I even THINK about potentially getting/finding/looking for a girlfriend, I get - randier. It usually only takes a day or so - and it last for at least a week. The same way when I go out dancing/to clubs - WITHOUT hubby. The rush of interaction and sexual interest/tension from strangers (plus the alcohol, I'm sure) ramps me up to a tightwound ball of needy, horny, randy pussy....which Hubby loves, to no end. However - I haven't been able to fully - express this train of thought to him - I don't know how to say it in a way that he won't 'hear' - "You're old hash, I need some new booty to get my juices going" - despite the fact that he will MOST certainly benefit from the added juciness. So, I continue to dance around the edge of it - trying to get that 'stimulation' from others without him being aware of it.

Gah. relationships are SO messy.

Thursday

The sun is shining, the weather is warm, and I still all screwface. No clue why - maybe a horrid email I read from one of my midwifery group today *DOCTORS ARE NOT GOD!!!* or maybe the random collections of extraneous crap I've gotta do at work - or maybe the fact that I'm no longer in excited an-ti-cip............pation! of getting my laptop fixed.
That's right ya'll, I got the screen in the mail last night, and promptly installed it. It's a lil crooked cuz I need to resecure to of the hinge screws, but other than that - it ROCKS.  So now, I only have to lug my laptop home when I'm on call. Yayyy!!!

I think I'm ready for the weekend already, or at least a nice lil nap. blah!

*goes to read favorites to cheer herself up*

*grr*

*grin*

And I keep thinking that I'm forgetting to do something. I've purchased my Mother's Day cards (MUST MAIL TOMORROW) and - I've paid all the bills....*frowns* I too young to be this forgetful.....

and it's only 2pm!

*sigh* my problem is that I've been working my little fingers off in a mad whirl of efficency, and now We wish To Be Entertained. *nods regally*

 

Boy, yeah I'm creative with titles today.

Let's see - what's up with me? Sleepy! A little bored - the network is running soooooooooooooooo blankety blankin slow. Thrilled it's Thursday, cuz that means tomorrow is Friday, and that means it's almost the weekend.  Whoo-freaking-hooo!

The new waterbed got delivered today, which is good, because last night, C got out of bed for something and I woke up I sunk to the bottom of the bed so fast. *sigh* but at least this way, we know we won't have any issues. I need to find a bookstore on my way home, so that I can get that dang book that I am supposed to be reading for the book club. I also need to actually get some stuff DONE this weekend - Gah!  I wish that I didn't have to do anything on the weekends - I think I'm just in a really slothy mood. No clue why, but I just wanna laze about and have my imaginary cabana boy serve me.

I'm thinking about dying my hair again....I've been randomly picking locks apart for the last few weeks..... bored/twitchy fingers.

*blinkblink*

I've been staring at this screen for like five minutes. I think my juice is gone. *weeps* Juice! come back!

Bleh. Maybe I should stop eating lunch - it's always after eating I get all  grumcrappy feeling.

Thoughts....

Interesting, the notes I've gotten - and one struck me as something that I've said to hubby over the years of our arguements as a partially root cause of why I'm not interested.

I've got a 'classically' good life. I've got a job that pays well, I've got a loving partner, I've got a lovely home, I've got associates, and I've got my health. But - it's not at all what I WANT. I often talk to people about working towards starting my 'real' life - the life that I want. I WANT to be a stay at home mom/author/midwife. I want to have children and raise them. I want to have a tight knit community of brilliant, sexy, liberal friends. I want to be able to spend time creating crafts and life and love. But - I've also got debt. And I've also got a husband who hasn't kept a job longer than 18 months in the 5 years we've been together. And I've also got rent (I'm terrified of a mortgage). And I also ain't got any real friends - I've got folx I can talk to, folx I could call on - but they aren't quite as close of friendships as I would like to have, and I'm - socially retarded enough that I don't know quite how to change that.

I'm certainly NOT living the life I want to live - I'm not being the person I want to be really anywhere in my life - but on the surface, it looks good and happy and something that I should be bloody thrilled and content with.

Do I think I would be a more sexual person if I was closer to living the life I should be? Possibly - I wonder if that is part of the reason I was so - sexual in college - I was HAPPY with my life. Yes, I was constantly broke, struggling with classes, but I am brilliant, and I knew I would make it through. I LOVE learning, and I interacted with brilliant, sexy, liberal people every day. I was challenged constantly, and dammit - I FELT alive. When I'm on vacation (and really on vacation - not just taking time off from work) I feel - sexy. When I'm on business trips - living a 'fake' life so to speak - no worries about money, about food, about entertainment - forced to constantly interact with people (the best work friends I've made have been people that I've spent large amounts of time with on business trips) - I feel sexy.

Now? At home? Bleh. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I eat, I read a little, I study a little towards my ultimate goal, I talk to my hubby, I watch a little TV, I go to sleep. I'd rather sleep than do anything else - at least in my dreams I'm not stuck in these craptastic golden handcuffs that feel like they are suffocating my joy. And - then ya know, it's like - 95% of society is most likely living under these same circumstances - stuck in a life/job that they hate - why am I so weak/emotional that I can't be unfulfilled and still be sexual? Is this something that can be worked on? Making myself happy just - living this life. But I don't WANT to be happy living this life - just like I don't want to be happy being fat. I want to be unhappy so that the dissatisfaction continues to prod me towards making life better for me. I don't want to be satifised where I am, because I'm scared that if I do that, I will lost touch and interest in my dreams - and then I'll look up, but 45, and realize that I've wasted most of my life pursuing some pipe dream that wasn't even what I wanted - and talk about being bitter and resentful then.

And - it's not that I don't LIKE my job - it's okay. Really, nothing more than that. I don't dread coming to work every morning, but I certainly don't leap out of the bed every morning raring to go. It pays me VERY well, but I'm not challenged in the least, and my coworkers - well, they wouldn't be my first choice of people to go out and spend time with. But - I stick to it - with the mad hope/knowledge/desire that after two years of life sucking numbness, I should be in a financial position to tell all these people to fuck off, and fully immerse myself in the life that should be mine.

The whole lack of friends thing - I'm a very private person, and I just don't MAKE friends quickly. And because I'm a dyed in the wool hippie who was born 30 years too late, it's - very delicate finding friends that I can really bond with. I'm opinionated as hell, and well - I need tobe able to feel utterly comfy around my friends - letting them know all about my life. If I have to conceal parts of my life from you because you won't approve - you'll never really be my 'friend'. I might hang out with you on occasion - but it'll be a stopgap - simply so that I can get SOME social human interaction.

That was one of the reasons that I am willing to swing - if people are willing to have open marriages, usually, the rest of their life is pretty - out of step - from the norm as well, or even if it isn't - they tend to be a lot more laid back (and less judgemental). But - with the whole I don't wanna have sex issues - I'm not comfortable putting myself in that place/space.

And then, I want kids. I want children BADLY. I mean - so badly that sometimes I get angry/resentful over the fact that the kind of mother that I want to be REQUIRES that I not work. Hell, I feel like I can barely be the kind of me/wife that I want to be and work a 9-5 - there's no way in hell I want to get pregnant. And yeah, I'm sure that deep in my pysche that affects my sexual desire - if I get pregnant now, I'm sure as hell not having an abortion - but - we're just NOT ready. And I think that if that concern - that unreadiness was addressed - I'd be eager to pratice making babies. Hubby commented on the fact that I want kids, but at the rate our sexual life is going, they are going to be hard to get...and I'm kinda - ashamed to tell him that I think if we were READY to have kids - I'd be all down for making sure they get created.

Well. That was a nice little whingefest. And I mean - is it strange for me to expect my life to be fulfilling and satisfying? I think not. Is it strange that my sexual desire seems to be tied to whether I FEEL fulfilled and satisfied? Maybe.

Hah. I wonder what hubby's reaction to me telling him that if he could make a guarenteed 80K a year, so that I could quit working, he'd get fucked every night? hah. he'd most likely be too tired to even want it that often then.

bblllleeeehhhh...

The sun is shining, the weather is warm, and I still all screwface. No clue why - maybe a horrid email I read from one of my midwifery group today *DOCTORS ARE NOT GOD!!!* or maybe the random collections of extraneous crap I've gotta do at work - or maybe the fact that I'm no longer in excited an-ti-cip............pation! of getting my laptop fixed.
That's right ya'll, I got the screen in the mail last night, and promptly installed it. It's a lil crooked cuz I need to resecure to of the hinge screws, but other than that - it ROCKS.  So now, I only have to lug my laptop home when I'm on call. Yayyy!!!

I think I'm ready for the weekend already, or at least a nice lil nap. blah!

*goes to read favorites to cheer herself up*

*grr*

*grin*

And I keep thinking that I'm forgetting to do something. I've purchased my Mother's Day cards (MUST MAIL TOMORROW) and - I've paid all the bills....*frowns* I too young to be this forgetful.....

and it's only 2pm!

*sigh* my problem is that I've been working my little fingers off in a mad whirl of efficency, and now We wish To Be Entertained. *nods regally*

 

Whoo!

Yayy!! Triage nurse finally called me back - I've got an appointment for the 19th, which ironically enough, is the same day that I have an appointment for my 'lifepath' job. Going to be purposely vague there.

Anyhow, in talking to the traige nurse, she asked me what sort of issues I was going to come in to talk about - and I stammered and stuttered and finally got out 'marital issues'. Bleh! Why couldn't I just say - I want a professional to let me know if I'm normal or not to NOT want to have sex with my husband, and if it's not normal, can she fix me please? hah. Of course, that didn't come to me until afterwards, but well, that is what I really want out of the whole experience. Give me drugs or something, dammit.

Oh well. Week after next! Wow - that's fast. I'm relieved, and much less nervous. I've been picking at my hair lately, and I'm pretty sure this is why.

Hmmm...it's about time to go home. :) I'm sure my hubby will be delighted to hear about this news.

Wonderful Weekend!!

Wow!! Even though we didn't go to the Music Fest (too cold & too wet), we had LOADS of fun....

First of course, there was the FABULOUS housewarming at PrincessaP's new crib - LOVELY place!! I can't wait til we get enough furniture that we can have people over - such a warm, welcomgin and wonderful bunch they were! I was a little wonky when I left our house and forgot the camera, but I'll have plenty of pics as soon as Stealth sends the info!!

We went home afterwards, planning on going grocery shopping, but the combo of good food and an icky day sent us to sleep - we decided to do something we haven't done in AGES and did 1am shopping. I love it (even when I'm woken up for it) - there's really no-one else in the store at that time - no pushing, no shoving, no manuevering carts around people - though of course, with all the boxes in the way from stocking, it can be a bit challenging.....

I slept VERY late Sunday, and woke up to the wonderful smells of bbq - we had gotten a pork shoulder and C slow cooked it on the grill - noon till about 6pm - *drrrrooooooooooooooollllll* it was soooooooooo damn good. Seriously. We passed out after eating  - we've decided that the better the food is, the more likely we are to need a lil nap afterwards.

Also!!! I got my books (from the bargain books place) and WOW!!! They are sooooooo nice - perfect condition, clearly brand new - and just OUTRAGEOUSLY cheap. Ridiculous. I've got more books to read now than a little bit.....

What else wonderful happened this weekend? We got our swatches for the couches, and picked out the colors - a buttery cream and a dark reddish brown - I've emailed the folx, and hopefully they'll respond soon - I can't WAIT to have furniture again.  One kinda sucky thing - I think our waterbed has ANOTHER pinhole leak. *le sigh* I don't know if it was the moving, or if the remarkably bitter guy who put together the waterbed did something 'odd' to it, but we might just break down and get a NEW damn waterbed (mattress) at least. I love the waterbed, I do..... but these repeated leaks are enough to drive a woman batty (as well as make us nervous as hell about - bouncing around on it  - so to speak.)  Well... not TOOO bad - I think we might just get a new one rather than messing about with this one.

more later, I'm sure.

 

review, troops long past review....

So....actually had a rather good weekend - lots of snuggles and cuddles and kisses - but still no sex. I feel like I'm warming up to it though - I really wish this damn triage nurse would call be back. Thank heavens I'm not in serious/desparate need.

So - I figured that I would list all of my sexual partners (in order, as much as I can). It's actually been a long while since I've done that - I've actually lost track of how many folx I've done the deed with - I'm doing to include sexual contact of any kind (oral, anal, vaginal) as being 'valid' so to speak.

---

High School

1) Devon - the first, the guy I lost my virginity too. Bad boy, but got to be a little too bad for me - after a certain point, I refused to deal with his self-destructive tendencies.

2) Daz - high yellow honey. We dated, had sex (I lusted after his brother), and he was the first 'older' guy. He fell in love with one of my good friends - and I was pissed, but got over it rather quickly.

3) Toddie - first guy I knew who died in gang-related violence. Sucked his dick late one night in my mom's house, as I had been crushing on him for years. He came really fast and totally ruined my crush.

4) Harrison - one of my best friends ex - we crept around behind her back for a LONG time (after they had broken up). Last I heard (about two or three years ago) she's still mad at me over that one.

5) Alfred - my first 'real' boyfriend (as in, the first one I introduced to my mother). He was obsessed over me, and taught me that tears from a man is no reason to renig on the breakup. He was my first anal experience - and to only be 17, the boy knew what he was doing. I broke up with him firmly and finally the first week I was in college.

College

6) Mike - my first college boyfriend - reminded me a LOT of Alfred, size wise. He was a pathological liar though, and played with me & another girl for most of our four years in college. Me and the other girl hated each other on sight - before we even knew he was sleeping with both of us.

7) James - Mike's good friend - I bounced between the two of them for most of my college years. He was a supreme dork, and the only man (thus far) to get me pregnant.

8) Joy - my first female experience. She was amazing shy, and it was both of our first time - I liked her, didn't like her boobs.

9 & 10) T&T - the couple I hooked up with a swung with. Never HAD sex with Taylor (the male half) because that was against their couple rules - but I sure as hell wanted to, and he wanted me too. Tasha - I dated, fell in and out of love with.

11) Q - boy I met online. Only hooked up with him once - sucked his dick. Eh.

12) Mike (a different one) - had the tinest dick I'd EVER seen. I mean, damn. *LOL* I always thought he was gay, as the only way he could get it up was doggy style. Or maybe he just thought I was ugly.

13) Jeremy - 12 years older, acted like an incestuous uncle. Through him I ran into the APC - but he was so possesive that I only had sex with two other guys the whole year and a half I ran with them.

14) Terrell - dumb ass ex-con - did a threesome with him & Jeremy.

15) Antonio - Jeremy's best friend - sucked his dick with his girlfriend to prove a point.

16) Tony - He was such a sweetie - I met him at a club, and he sweet talked me home. Everytime I went back, I hoped to run into him.

17) Mohammed - fine ass Iraqi dude I met at a club. Went back to his hotel and had funky sex with him.

18) The cabbie who took me to Mohammed's hotel - yup, left M's hotel, went back to mine with the cabbie. He sucked.

19) Samson - fine ass Egyptian dude - freaky as hell - the one who treated me like a little slut. Lied through his teeth about EVERYTHING. Met him once, randomly ran into him at another club. Fabulous sex both times.

20) Abdul - dude who's room I left crying. I THINK we had sex, but I was so damn drunk, I don't really remember.

21) Ishmael - tall, funny looking african dude who refused to let me come. I got sick of it, made myself come, and snuck out of his apartment once he fell asleep. Swiped the necklace he let me wear, and still wear in on occasion. Always gives me a little chuckle.

22) Zayil - sweet african guy (the african tended to be REALLY sweet). Fed me breakfast and smoked fifty million cigs with me.

23) Paul - coworker of mine, I never HAD sex with him, though he did 'invite' me over to his apartment and try to convince me to do the deed. He gave me one of the best professional recommendations I've ever gotten.

24, 25 & 26) Swing Club dudes - one got me off sucking my nipples, another fingered me for like 5 HOURS straight, and another one ate me out. I fucked none of them.

27, 28, & 29) Various men & women I encountered at swing parties with T&T. It may have been more than three - but I know it was at least three.

30) Random Guy - met him online, convinced him to come over and fuck me. It was - odd.

31) Random Guy #2- dude from the bus stop - my 'oh shit' sexual encounter.

32) Marvin - despite having a stupid name, this was a fine, tall, skinny, black cop. Watching him strip out of his uniform - possibly the sexiest thing EVER.

Post - College

33) Hubby - my husband. Had sex with him on our first date. Still having sex with him on occasion.

34) Angie - thick white girl who 'pretended' to be bi. In other words, she recieved, and never gave - heifer. She had a sweet pussy though.

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Damn!! That list ended up being MUCH longer than I expected it to be. Hmm....10 years, roughly 34 people - roughly 3 people a year. I'm pretty sure I'm missing some though - at least one or two other girls in college, and heaven knows I'm missing some more of the college/swing club people - I had sex at LEAST twice each visit, with different people.

That was actually - rather interesting. Hmm.....I'll add to this list as others pop into my head.