Sometimes, it gets too sweet.

I am gagging
on the sweetness
of a life well lived
the sweet taste of
delicacy
decency
and femininity
turn my stomach into
a writhing mass
of bile.
Forced
I sup
until over full and
utterly sated
on the sugary honey
of silence
modesty and
meekness.
Sugar and spice
and everything nice
has been shoved down my
throat for so long
I yearn for the lemony tartness
of No.
I crave the salty tang of a bold look
I hunger for the bitter taste of a failed attempt
at love or money
I dream of sour independence and stinging honesty
and awake to the candy crusted
falseness
of a life well (and ladylike) lived.


Where that came from I have no clue. I want to be able to do that all the time, to have a line pop into my head and tumble around until I am forced to find other lines that go with it and manage to come up with something as utterly angry as that. The first 3 lines jut popped into my head and they wouldn’t leave me alone. Hmm…. I remember a perfume ad that I saw a while ago, back when I was in high school about the ‘Bijan’ woman. Anyone remember that fragrance? *shrugs* Me and my mother had our first real argument over whether I would remain Muslim over that ad. Humph. I wish I had kept it… that agency knew what they were doing with that one, even though I am sure it offended quite a few Muslim women, and even more Muslim men. Somehow it reminds me of the ad, of the fact that sometimes…the goody two shoes life can suck too.

Any how…back to the lines tumbling around. What do I need to do in order to catch them? Keep myself open to them all the time?? Most of the time when I get the lines I am busy in the midst of doing something else and they either bug me until I stop what I am doing and make me write them down, or I manage to ignore them and they fade away. Hmm. Perhaps the less I ignore them the more of them I will ‘hear’. Rather like life, the more you leave yourself open to, the more you will discover.
Goal for the week: Leave my self open to every word that floats through my mind and create with as many of them as I can…maybe next week I will have full blown stanzas pop into my head, and the week after that who knows? I need to go out and buy a good pen with my next cheque. ( I love that spelling). I hae more than enough journals to write in, and that way I will never have an excuse to not pause and record the words I will dredge up. Hmm. Shoppping trip!

Stay Jazzed.