Saving Grace

Why the hell am I miserable? I shouldn’t feel bad…should I? ugh. I want to cry….what we had was so fucking perfect…it’s not fair.

I don’t want anybody else. He is so much still mi Papi, mi corazon.

And somehow that fact upsets me even more. Did I do right? Mercy but I miss him so much. Amazing is what it is…utterly amazing.

But what really do I miss? I miss the hopes that I had for our future…I don’t even know if he had the same ones. Is that going to be enough to keep me cheerful? Hmm…this is what I get for picking out china patterns so early.

Something in me told me that I was being a fool for falling so hard so fast, for being so totally into somebody…but I ignored it because I thought that being a fool was worth it, and the amazing part is that it was.

I have never cried over a relationship, and here I am ….having a hard time sleeping because I miss him so. And the even uglier part is I have nobody to talk to about it…he was my fucking saving grace.

Jazzed.