Birthing Babies

In the past, I have considered being/becoming a surrogate mother. Whether it would have been for a gay couple, or for an infertile straight couple, it really would not have mattered. I know how skimpy the choices are for AfricanAmerican couples who cannot have babies the old fashioned way. Each time I considered it however, I realized that there was no way I could feel a child growing in me for nine months, give birth and then let go. Just thinking about it makes me tear up, and god knows I simply could NOT do it. I would end up in court fighting for custody of my baby.

Lately however, I have been running more & more into the stories of adopted children and their mothers (bio & adopted), many on here, and others in other places. It seems like everywhere I turn, I find another story about a woman giving up her child to be loved & cared for by someone else. There is a diary on here by 'A Star is Born' called 'Gift from the Heart' that was started by a diarist on here to chronicle the life of her son, who she recently adopted. Every time I read the diary, no matter how simple the entry is, I start to cry.

The joy and awe that she has in talking about her little gift is so overwhelmingly beautiful that I can do nothing but cry. Before I had the abortion, I considered adoption, and I knew that I could not do it. It simply was a null choice for me. Afterwards however, I started to become more and more aware of just how much of a gift children are, and of just how many people who want & deserve the blessings of that gift are denied. Thus, in an effort to share the joy and awe that a child brings, and to help those who need it, I have decided to become an egg donor.

I have thousands of eggs that I will never use, and I am an AfricanAmerican woman, which from the reports and studies I have read is something that few egg donors are. I am in the right age group, and something in me tells me that this is right. That even though the best choice for my baby & me was an abortion, that I have to make some sort of… I don’t know, offering to her spirit. I feel that I need to provide as many chances for other to feel the joy that I had to cast to the side. It is a long, and from the sounds of it, not too comfortable situation. But the awareness that I would be helping someone who perhaps could not be helped before have a child that looks like them (at least racially) will be worth the pain. I had planned on going through the procedure here, but as it takes close to three months to complete, I would not be in the area long enough to pull it off. Thus, I am going to go through with it when I get to Indy.

I would like to know when & if my eggs were ever used, and I know that is something that may not be possible…I would want to know just so that I could be able to see the joy in a new mothers face as she looks at the child that my eggs, somebody sperm, and her & her partners heart have given birth too.

Stay Jazzed.