Bitterness & Rage

My supervisor has a sister that is five years younger than her,is not HER mothers child, and her father and mother had been married since before she was born. Perhaps you can see how this might cause issues? MySup’s sister has not really spoken to her father for close to 23 years, and MySup can’t understand why her sister is so bitter towards her father.

*humph* I can understand, and I am not sure if I can even explain it.
I’m not sure if I even want to touch on this, AGAIN, but I have to. It’s a oddly festering wound, a sore spot of anger and jealously that flares up at the oddest time. I don’t even know if I CAN talk about it. Ugh. I guess the main thing is jealousy, and mercy knows I will most likely never be able to be close to my little sister because of it. Everytime she talks about her father, it would be a stab in my heart because he wasn’t there for me.

*snorts* Yeah, it’s jealousy. Plain & simple. I am angry because I never had the chance to be a daddy’s girl. I am angry because I don’t know half of my family. I am bitter because I will never be able to. Stupid little things throw me off. Family reunions, sitcoms, pictures, diary entries, conversations over heard on the bus. *sighs* And really I am starting to get sick of it. Who is he to have such an emotional hold over me? Ugh. I am just…overly underwhelmed by this.

This poem I wrote as part of a choreopoemplay that I wrote a while ago. *sighs* Just a sample of my bitterness towards my brothas….

?
who the fuck are you??
Telling me what to do?

Do you know who i be?
I am the daughter of my mother
(helped by the sperm of some vanished man)
who the fuck are you?
Trying to run my life...
shit, from what I've seen men
cause nothing but strife

Who the fuck are you?
Trying to protect or shield me
I'm a BLACK woman stronger than anyman through history
Who the fuck are you??
Umph. You say you are the man for me
but what man do i need? I need a man that lets me be free
Who are you??
And why do u want me
Who you
and what can you do for me
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??
Cuz even a fool can see you ain't half the man (and I'm a fucking woman) that this young strong black woman can be.

Stay Jazzed