The Hermitage (Part Two)

Actually…in the light of morning I have to edit that. I am sure that my friends feel as though they are there for me at every possible instance, and they would get rather insulted if the very idea of me being so very lonely was brought up. However, I am not comfortable in calling on them. I feel bad to impose my fears & woes & tears on those who I know have woes & tears & fears of their own. *truth* I feel like I am not important enough in their lives for mine to really matter. I feel like each time I come to them as anything other than the strong, free, calm Jazzy they know, I am getting marks placed against me, that after they reach a certain number means that I will get thrown out of their lives for being too much trouble.

It’s odd. I leave myself open to be a shoulder to be cried on, but I cannot believe that my friends value me enough to do the same. *sighs* Am I uncovering some hidden self esteem issues here? I don’t doubt my own self worth… I fell like I am worth a hell of a lot. I doubt whether other folx see me that way. I have the diva impression so well in place that I don’t know if it is a mask or me anymore. If it is mask, oh how I wish I could find the strings and pull it off… if it is me… well we know that divas don’t have friends.

Stay Jazzed.